Food Issues

I've figured out what would make my relationship with food better: if I didn't have to eat anymore. I do just fine being strong until I start eating. But once I start eating, I don't want to stop, an evolutionary left-over from when food was harder to come by. I've never smoked before, but I have had some bad habits that I've been able to break, and it's easiest to just go cold turkey. But we can't do that with food. Our bodies require fuel to function, so there is no stopping completely and just avoiding it.

The other reason I struggle quite a bit is because my husband is a foodie. He loves cooking, eating, and planning meals. He tries to be supportive of me, but he definitely expresses his disappointment when I won't fully participate in eating events. Then I feel guilty for ruining his enjoyment. Which occasionally makes me angry since like a great many men, my husband doesn't have to worry about his weight. If he ever puts on a few extra pounds he just goes for a longer bike ride one day, and he's back down to his target weight. So I think it's hard for him to fully understand how difficult this is for me and why I need to modify my eating habits.

I think the third big issue that I have with food is that I'm exhausted. I'm so tired and I just can't sleep. It's awful to be so tired during the night that I can't keep my eyes open, but I can't actually fall asleep either. There's been a great deal of research that not getting enough sleep causes our bodies to crave calorie-dense foods for quick energy when we're tired. Last night was a particularly bad night, and I really need some rest today, but I got up at 4:15 and started my day. Then ate more than I should have during the day.

I tried a prescription for Ambien once before and it really did help me to sleep. I just didn't want to become dependent on the pills so I stopped taking them after the prescription ran out. However, I am to the point now where I'm seriously considering getting a new prescription. Maybe if I could sleep again I'd take one of the issues away and be able to manage my relationship with food better. This is all incredibly frustrating.

My tulips are just about to bloom

My neighbor already has one tulip opened up