Less Than Expected

We did not get as much snow as the initial forecasts thought we would.  I woke up to about 3 inches, which was still quite lovely!

This morning at 4:15 there was still a light snowfall.

By noon the snow had stopped and the trees were still simply beautiful.

It was a wet, heavy snow more like we typically see in the Spring time.  I replaced my workout this morning with snow shoveling, and I am feeling it in my arms!  I'm sure I woke up the entire neighborhood between scraping the shovel on the concrete and then banging it on the street to clear off the sticky snow!  Luckily my husband came out and helped or I wouldn't have gotten to work on time.

One of the best things about my job (other than the fact that I absolutely love the work I do!) is half-day Fridays.  So now I'm back home and I get to enjoy a quiet house until the kids get done with school and my husband gets home from work.  Since the weather is just perfect for it, I'm going to snuggle up in my blanket and read.  I'm currently reading the 2nd book in The Strain trilogy by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan.  I highly recommend the series if you enjoy vampire stories.  It's a very original idea and well written.  So now I'm off to enjoy a lazy, snowy afternoon.

Stressed Out

This week has been the most stressful week I've had at work since last year at this time.  It certainly wasn't a surprise as it's just part of the natural rhythm of my work.  But I'm still really struggling right now; I'm beyond tired and have reached a point of complete exhaustion where I just feel achy all over and slightly nauseous.  I did still manage to get up at 4:15 this morning and workout, although I'm pretty sure it wasn't the same level of intensity that I usually bring to the workout.

The one saving grace today is that I was able to work from home.  It's amazing how being in a quiet house with fewer interruptions just feels calm and soothing.  My kids were also very happy about me working from home.  My daughter told me about 3 times how she likes when I'm here with her in the morning.  My son did the most thoughtful thing (it is the small things that count).  It's supposed to snow this evening and as of right now, they're expecting about a foot of snow in our area.  When my son heard this and knew that I would be working in my home office today, he ran into my room and brought my blanket out and set it next to my desk this morning.  Just about melted my heart!

I took this picture a few days ago and I keep hearing Simon and Garfunkel in my head singing Hazy Shade of Winter.  Which is actually also very fitting for this evening as the moisture is starting to fall.

Wish I had my camera

We've had some beautiful snows here in Colorado over the last couple of weeks.  This morning I was appreciating both the pine trees and the deciduous trees that were covered in a beautiful veil of white that sparkled in the lights.  The new moon was just rising in the east and made for an idyllic winter scene. I was also desperately wishing I had time to stop and take a picture.  But I would have had to get the tripod out since it was still dark and I didn't have time to do that since I needed to get to work.

I truly love the work that I do, since it's basically solving math and logic puzzles all day.  I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be able to spend my days doing work that I'm good at and that I enjoy.  But I do frequently wish I could work part-time, and from home.  I work with lots of driven people who don't have time for any other hobbies because they're always working.  I just can't do that.  I want to spend time with my family and on my other hobbies; like photography.

Since I can't provide a picture of our lovely, glittery morning snow, here's a picture from a snowshoeing trip in Rocky Mountain National Park.

Choosing to Eat Right

I have really been making an effort over the past couple of years to eat right and get plenty of exercise.  I do pretty good with the exercise since I have a scheduled time for it; 4:15 in the morning.  Not fun, but that way I'm sure to get it in every day.  I'm also signed up to do 10 5Ks this year, one a month starting in March, so I'm working on training for those.  I have a harder time making good choices about food.

I know what I should be eating, and how much I should be eating.  I've gotten pretty good about not stress eating any longer for the most part.  I still have my occasional day when everything is so overwhelming that I just want comfort food, but I generally recognize that craving and don't give in to it.  My biggest problem is when I'm tired, which is most of the time.  You can read about that here.  I know my body needs something (rest) which I can't give it most of the time.  So I try to compensate by giving it something else (food).  This is not healthy at all, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the compulsion to feed my exhaustion.

As a result, I've put some of my weight back on.  Not all of it, thank goodness, but enough that it's noticeable and it's causing some problems.  Back at the beginning of 2011 I lost about 35 pounds and got back down to my high school weight of 115 pounds.  It was very difficult to maintain, I could only ever go back to eating about 1500 calories a day and it's harder when you don't have a goal that you're working towards.  Also, several people told me I was too skinny.  So I don't actually know that I'm going to try to get back down to that weight.  But I do want to get back down to about 122 pounds.  I feel good at that weight and I can wear pretty much whatever I want to.  This morning the scale said 136 pounds, so I've got 14 pounds to lose again.  So I guess it's time to go back to weekly tracking and reporting, as that seemed to really help me focus before.

Now I just need to figure out how to mentally remind myself that eating when I'm tired doesn't help.  I also maybe need to figure out how to get more rest on a regular basis.  Of course I'm not willing to talk to the doctor about it until I've lost some weight since I know that will be one of the first suggestions.  I have hope that when my kids grow up and move out, I'll have more time on my hands and will perhaps be able to catch a 20 minute cat-nap when I need it, even if I don't ever get better rest overnight.  'Cause you know, hope springs eternal!

Image:  Creative Commons Photo "Needle felted cakes" by ZulfiaM

Choosing To Do Better

I haven’t posted in quite a while because I’ve been feeling...discontented.  I don’t enjoy my own company all that much when I’m whiney, so I didn’t want to impose it on anyone else.  I want to clarify a few things here right off the bat.  I am fully aware that my problems are “first world problems” and that viewed with the proper perspective, they aren’t such a big deal.  Also, I have so much for which to be thankful, most importantly my wonderful and supportive family.  Nevertheless, I do still experience feelings and emotions with which I must deal.

I suppose my biggest issue right now is how terribly tired I feel all the time.  I have what’s referred to as “sleep maintenance insomnia.”  Normally when I first go to bed I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep within about 15 to 20 minutes.  But after about 1 ½ to 2 hours I wake up and can’t fall back asleep.  I’ve had this problem for about a decade now.  I think it may have started after my second child was born, seeing as how he didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 9 months old.  Although I probably shouldn’t complain, my mom tells me my brother didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 5 years old!  I lack energy most of the time, especially in the afternoons which is my body’s normal rhythmic downtime.  Of course lacking energy and feeling exhausted makes me less capable of dealing with the feelings of discontentment that I’ve been experiencing.

I guess it still comes back to choices.   Am I going to choose to make the time to write and post even when I'm tired?  I'm certainly going to choose to try harder,  because I do think it helps when we let each other know that we're not alone,  and that other people are experiencing many of the same thoughts,  feelings,  and daily hassles.  So I will try to post more often, even when I'm tired and discontented!