That Infamous Road Which is Paved with Good Intentions

I had drafted a post shortly after my last entry and was all ready to go, but I was in such a foul mood when I wrote it that I’m glad I never found the time to post it.  Life got in the way of posting my writing.  Or more specifically, I was trying to balance work, house, kids, husband, and an online class in regression analysis.  I was feeling like the line in a song by Enchant, “and now my choice is juggling nine or dropping ten.”  Let’s just say that I felt like I was dropping everything.  I did have a few minutes of downtime here and there, but I thought if I attempted to write it would just be incoherent gibberish, and I didn’t want to burden my readers with that!  However, I also recognize that I make choices about how to spend my downtime and I haven’t been very dedicated to writing (online) lately.  I generally still find time to journal as that is how I mentally process.

Even when I’m incredibly busy I also find time to read since I ride the bus to and from work most days.  I recently read Maxed Out:  American Moms on the Brink by Katrina Alcorn because the topic obviously resonated with me.  I thought it was a brave memoir of one mother’s struggle to balance work and family, although I probably wouldn’t have read it if that was all it was.  After all, I have enough first-hand experience with this, as do all of my working mother friends.  But it brought up some of the systemic issues which contribute to the problem, not the least of which is mothers being jealous of and unkind to each other.  So when I saw this blog post by Molly Stillman called “Dear Moms, You’re Doing a Great Job”, it practically made me cry because it was so sweet, positive, and supportive.  After I read it I actually felt much better and realized that I am doing my best to balance everything.  

I was especially grateful for that post after reading this article where the CEO and chairman of Xerox was quoted as saying “Pick the places where you want to be great, focus your energies there, and then go do it.”  Along with, “Understand you're not going to be great at everything, and then relax."  It’s good advice, but I can’t always make it work.  I want to be a great wife, mother, and employee.  I don’t think that’s unreasonable.  I’ve given up on the idea of having a high-level position as a choice to spend less time at work, but I still want to be a good employee in my lower-level role. Until I read that post by Molly Stillman, II felt like I was living in dissonance with my values because I wasn’t spending enough time with my family.  Her post (not the article) made me stop and realize that I do make sure that the limited time I have with my family is quality time.    

Yes, these are “first-world problems”, and yes, I recognize that perhaps I should just make a choice not to be a good employee if my values dictate that my family is first.  I do have to support my family financially and in order to do that I have to be a good employee.  Also, I like the work I do and find it intellectually stimulating.  But I guess the real rub here is that I don’t want to be put in a position where I have to make that choice.  So it was very refreshing to see someone contribute to the conversation in a positive way and in a way that actually made me feel better, instead of more desperate.  

I’ve decided that I need to choose to surround myself with more positivity.  I had been feeling somewhat discouraged about the human race in general lately due to being steeped in negativity, especially since I consume my news online (note to self:  Stop reading comments!)  But I was reawakened to the inherent goodness in the human race and everything we can do for each other by this blog post.  So to everyone out there, not just moms, I know that you’re all doing the best you can, and if we all do our part to support and validate each other, the world will be a better place.

Abundant Autumn

I love fall.  I love the cooler air, the vibrant colors, and the rich smells of fall.  I anxiously anticipate our annual trip to the pumpkin patch, and harvesting the last of the peppers and tomatoes from our garden.  I have a pretty much iron-clad excuse to watch horror movies as soon as we flip the calendar over to October; not that I don't watch horror movies the rest of the year, I can just do so with impunity in October.

I also look forward to reading the stories that I save exclusively for this time of year.  The anthology October Dreams edited by Richard Chizmar and Robert Morrish is absolutely my favorite collection of Halloween stories anywhere.  Plus as an added bonus, many famous horror authors record their favorite Halloween memories.  I can't recommend it enough if you enjoy a good scare in your reading or if you just want to recapture childhood memories of Halloween.  While it's hard to see in this picture with my chrysanthemums, the poor book is a bit worn after being read annually for about ten years now.  The other story I have to read every October is The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving.  I actually read this one with my children now that they're old enough to appreciate it (9 and 12).  The prose is simply beautiful and so evocative of the abundance of autumn.  

I can't help but feel very grateful this time of year, so it isn't difficult to choose the proper mindset of appreciation.  I've got a couple more posts percolating about choosing to be good to others which will be coming soon.  In the meantime, check out the stories above and/or enjoy the pictures of the Colorado aspens.  And of course, enjoy abundant autumn!

Choosing NOT to Decide - Government Shutdown

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.  - A line from Freewill by Rush

Our elected officials have abdicated their responsibility to choose a sensible path for our country here in America.  People are standing on principles that don’t make any sense.  The government has the charge to enact laws that are best for the majority of the people.  This means that no one particular ideological stance is going to make sense for everyone.  People need to talk to and listen to each other and try to find win-win solutions.  

I am dismayed by adults that act like 5-year old children throwing a temper tantrum and refuse to listen to others or even acknowledge that others might have a different and valid point of view.  Please note that I am not “taking sides” here; I’m blaming everyone who has been elected as a public servant but fails to understand their duty to said public.

Of course I think a big part of the problem is how much time people in general spend ranting and raving about their pet soapbox (and yes, I’m fully aware of the irony here), rather than having rational conversations and attempting to understand another’s view.  Internet comments tend to be filthy with negative comments and name-calling, rather than calm discussion about disagreements.  

Can’t we all choose to do better than this?  I wonder what we, as the human race, could accomplish if, instead of putting each other down, we propped each other up.  What if we all helped each other to identify our strengths so we could spend our time using them and thus feel successful and happy?  What if, when we have the inevitable difference of opinion, we calmly and respectfully disagreed and listened, rather than devolving to name-calling and personal attacks?  Perhaps I should stop following politics and reading internet comments which seem to bring out the very worst in people so that I can retain my faith in the inherent goodness of people.

Alright, I’m now stepping off of my soapbox and choosing to be the change I want to see in the world.  Feel free to disagree with me in the comments, respectfully of course!

Image:  Creative Commons Photo "Argument between daughter and mother" by Tambako the Jaguar

Choice Quote

This weekend we drove up into the Colorado mountains to view the changing aspen trees.  It was a perfect day to see the colors against the backdrop of a clear, blue sky.

This morning I had a cup of Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger tea and here was the quote on my tea bag:
"Choose well.  Your choice is brief, and yet endless."  - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A good reminder.  We often make our choices after a rather brief deliberation.  But our life is made up of all of those little choices combined to define our ultimate path.

A Gift of a Day

Today has been such a gift.  I got up early this morning and went for a walk while it was still dark and quiet.  I got to listen to the crickets sing.  I could see the stars in the eastern sky, including Orion on the horizon.  The western sky was lit up with a beautiful and bright full moon.  It was bright enough to make the silhouettes of the mountains visible in the dark.

I took the day off from work to hang with my kiddos.  My daughter is starting 7th grade and my son is starting 4th grade.  We got a special breakfast and ate together on our back deck, something that is such a treat since we so rarely get to take the time in the morning.

I walked my son to school along our creek which looks simply beautiful in the early morning with the dappled sunlight.

My daughter didn't have to go to school until close to noon as the school has only the 6th graders attend in the morning on the first day and the 7th and 8th graders attend in the afternoon.  So she and I got to spend the morning visiting (and attempting to calm down her 1st day jitters!)  It was very nice to have some time with just the two of us and no interruptions.

I'll be picking my son up soon and he I will have a couple of hours together this afternoon so he can tell me all about his first day.  Then we'll pick his sister up from the bus stop and go and get frozen yogurt as a final first-day treat.

It's rare for me to get a day like this, and I truly appreciate and treasure it.

Choosing To Be Grateful Series

I'm grateful for snow.

I was planning on posting about family again today, but we got snow in Denver and I decided that I should write about how grateful I was for the snow this morning.  It's been very dry here so the moisture was really needed.  I love the way that snow makes everything lighter.  I generally do my morning workout in the dark and this morning was no exception, except that everything glowed ethereally.  I also really enjoyed watching the snow both on the ground and falling from the sky sparkling in the lights.

A couple of weekends ago we made our annual winter pilgrimage to Estes Park.  While we were snowshoeing we got to enjoy a fluffy snowfall.  It was a bit windy and difficult to see in the open, but the trees sheltered us nicely.  We also truly enjoyed how muted all of the sounds were, it was so peaceful (when I wasn't sucking wind!)  We heard birds and we talked some, but otherwise we got to enjoy the quiet splendor of Rocky Mountain National Park blanketed in snow.

It would have been very easy to be stressed about the drive this morning, but instead I chose to focus on how much I enjoy snow.

Choosing To Be Grateful Series

The other night at dinner with friends the topic of the government wanting to study happiness came up.  I said that I’ve been reading a great deal of history books lately and while we have it so much easier and better than people in the past who very often lived short and brutal lives; I think there’s basically a human happiness set-point.  Obviously some people are happier than others, but from an overall standpoint I’m not sure that humans will ever be much happier.  I said that I’m happy but not content.  My husband and I talked later and decided that perhaps that is as it should be.  Too much contentment can stifle creativity and progress.

But even with my overall happiness, I know that I sometimes allow myself to wallow in negativity.  So I’ve decided to start a series where I talk about the things for which I’m grateful that lead to my overall happiness.

So here's the first in my series:

I'm grateful for my husband.  I wasn't always sure that I wanted to get married.  I knew that I could never marry someone like my father because I'm too much like my father.  If that was my only option I thought it would be better to be single.  Then I met my wonderful husband.  He's loving, supportive, and able to deal with me and all of my quirks.  I have a partner who's always on my side.  I have a co-parent and that is definitely helpful so Mommy can have a time-out sometimes.  Our marriage isn't always sunshine and roses, but even when it's not we're on the same team.  It's been almost 14 years now and I still think marrying my husband was one of the best decisions of my life.

Yes, that is an Opeth t-shirt and a Dream Theater hat.  I did marry a music geek!