Old, Fat, and Ugly

Winter night

My dad used to have two responses when people asked the perfunctory, "how are you" question. They of course were expecting a simple "fine" in response, but that's not what they got. If it was a stranger he generally responded, "almost perfect." If it was a family member, he nearly always answered, "old, fat, and ugly." I remember one time shortly before his death he answered me that way; then when he asked me how I was doing, I told him, "I'm getting there too." He protested that it wasn't true, and I think it may have been the first time he'd wished he didn't answer in such a snarky way.

Lately, I have really been feeling like the later answer would be an appropriate response for me also. I've regained all of the weight I managed to lose six years ago. I've been diagnosed with lichen planopilaris and am balding. I also found out that hair loss due to this issue is generally permanent because the hair follicles are scarred over. I've been dealing with so much stress for so long now due to my son's issues, that I look old and tired. So I am truly feeling old, fat, and ugly these days. I won't even update any of my photos on social media because I'm so upset with every current photo of me.

But...we're hoping to start a new treatment plan for my son today based on new information we got recently from a neuropsychological evaluation. The dermatologist told me that there's a chance that my hair will grow back, and we should definitely be able to halt the hair loss. I signed up to participate with four of my co-workers on a weight-loss team challenge. So I'm hopeful that I'll be able to turn some of this around and have better news to report in the future. Then maybe I'll be able to make complete strangers uncomfortable by responding, "almost perfect." Or maybe I'll just stick with the accepted social norms and just feel better internally!

Winter and Some Answers

We got a wonderful snow yesterday, and the kids had another snow day. We only got about 8 inches which wouldn't normally close the schools, but since it was so cold it was dangerous for the kiddos to wait for buses which would have undoubtedly been late. I just love the white blanket of snow this time of year.

These pictures were from a walk the other day before our recent snow.

 This is a picture of the winter sunset the other evening. The trees are without their mantle of snow in this one also.

We're getting some answers to some of the issues that we've been facing lately. Nothing is fixed yet, but at least we finally have some idea about how we might be able to move forward. I saw a dermatologist this week (I had no idea that one saw a dermatologist for hair issues, though it does make sense). She diagnosed me with alopecia which is why I'm losing my hair. She did a biopsy of my hair follicles to determine what type so we can treat it properly. I know it's pretty vain to be so worried about hair loss, but I've been pretty unhappy with losing my eyebrows and a receding hairline. I just look...weird. I suppose I'll also look weird when small hairs start growing back, but since that will mean recovery, I'll deal.

We also got a full neuro-psych eval on our son, and we now have additional issues identified which helps the professionals to determine more appropriate treatment options. Hopefully it will help the school to understand how to help him in that environment also. I'm really hoping that we're able to deal with the brain chemistry issues so that we can address behaviors. I've been pretty hopeless and desperate about our family life over the past several months, so it's such a relief to feel like we have a chance of addressing the issues and having different experiences.

I hope that the first week of the new year has been a good one for all my readers!