Winter Photos

For some reason the birds are out in force today, making a lovely music. I took a walk around my neighborhood to capture some of the scenes of winter when there's no snow on the ground.  I did edit all of these photos in Lightroom to really capture the colors or textures.

This picture is not edited in Lightroom. I grabbed this shot last night when I looked out the window and realized what a pretty blue color the sky was as the sun was setting behind the low-hanging clouds we'd had all day.

Craving...Something

Do any of you ever find yourself with a very specific food craving, and you either can't figure out what it is you're craving, or you don't have it? Then end up eating way too much food in a vain attempt to satisfy that craving? Or is that just an issue that I have? Yesterday morning I had planned out my breakfast in advance but when I opened the refrigerator, we didn't have the ingredients I needed. My husband does the cooking and the shopping, (yeah, I'm lucky) and said I hadn't told him we needed the items. I've never had to tell him in the past because we consider these "staples" that he just always picks up. So, after playing the mental blame-game, I resigned myself to finding something else to eat for breakfast.

That started me down a road of eating too much the entire day in an attempt to satisfy the original craving. Yes, this a total excuse and the reality is that I failed yesterday, and it showed up on the scale today. I ate enough food to add 3 pounds to the number that showed up on the scale today versus yesterday. I have to assume that some of it is due to sodium since we ate out last night and restaurants are notorious for adding too much salt to their food. But regardless of the "actual" weight gain, I consumed too many calories yesterday.

I'm having difficulty pinpointing exactly what's causing me to deviate from my food plan right now. I think maybe it's just that I don't want to lose the weight badly enough. Or maybe it's because I'm not being kind enough to myself.

Then these three articles showed up in my reader today:

• Keep Your Bad Decisions From Getting Worse by Mastering Acceptance
• The Benefits of Intentionally Failing on Your Diet
• A Gradual Approach to Healthy Eating

Either the universe was aligned today to support me, or I'm not the special little snowflake that I think I am and this is a pretty common struggle. While I'd like to think it's the former, the realist in me knows that the latter is much more likely.

The sun has been hidden behind low-hanging clouds all day today. When I left the house to walk down and pick my son up after school it was veiled but visible for a very short time. I'm glad I stopped to grab a quick photo on my phone even though I was a little late getting to the school, because it wasn't visible any longer as we were walking back home. Also, my son always takes his time at the end of the day, so I still had to wait for him even though I arrived three minutes after the bell rang.

Old Dogs and New Tricks

I’m going to be 41 years old in less than one month. I graduated from high school in 1992. We had a computer at home the entire time I was growing up since my dad worked as an aerospace engineer. My elementary school had a computer lab filled with Apple IIe computers. I took a class in computer programming while I was in junior high (yes, this was before it was called middle school). Yet despite all of this, I still learned how to type on a typewriter at the same school where I learned computer programming.

All of this is to set up the background for what I’m about to say. I’ve been typing incorrectly since I learned how to type back when I was 12 or 13. Remember how I said I learned to type on a typewriter? Well the convention then was to double space at the end of a sentence. So that is how I learned it, and that is how I’ve been doing it out of habit for about 28 years. I’ve read the articles that say it’s important to teach oneself to stop double-spacing because it can lead to age discrimination. But I just thought, meh, it just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. Plus, I’ve got a fairly full schedule and being able to type quickly helps. I would actually have to slow down my typing in order to retrain myself to use a single space. Then I read this article: If you type two spaces after a period, you're doing it wrong.

I tend to want to follow style manuals because they provide consistency. So if most style guides today recommend a single space following a period, then I guess it’s time to slow myself down and type properly. In typing this, I’ve realized that it’s actually not too hard and doesn’t slow me down too much if I just pay attention. Hopefully it will quickly become a new habit and I can stop thinking about it though, because I definitely feel myself wanting to hit that space bar a second time. Now we'll have to see how many times I have to use the find and replace function to fix a period with 2 spaces (or a question mark or exclamation mark.)

When I was a teenager I used to think that older adults were so whiny and melodramatic about how much things had changed since they were young. Now I understand that when you’ve spent most of your life doing something a certain way, it really is difficult to change it. It’s official now; I’ve become just like my mother and her friends!

I had to share some photos of the winter clouds this morning as they were simply beautiful.

Just before sunrise

Just after sunrise

So Tired

I have a couple of questions that have plagued humanity for some time now:

1. Why do the batteries in smoke and CO detectors always die at night?
2. Why am I the only human being in my house who hears the chirp?

The carbon monoxide detector in my daughter's room started the low battery chirping sound last night at about 12:30.  It didn't wake anyone else up, not even my daughter.  She didn't even stir as I was stumbling around in her dark room trying to get it off the wall to replace the batteries.  Of course I couldn't go back to sleep for over an hour after getting it taken care of.  So I got to start off the day tired and grumpy!

I've always been big on keeping a journal.  I have my (frequently embarrassing) thoughts captured in pretty books going all the way back to college.  I didn't save the journals I created when I was younger than that, though now I wish I had.  It's nice to go back and reread those sometimes so I can remember what it felt like when I was all twitter-patted and falling in love with my husband, or the thoughts and feelings I had when I was getting ready to become a mother.  It's nice to look back and see growth, and occasionally some very good writing.

I still keep a physical journal today, partly because I just love the look of the book, partly because I know that the other journal I keep isn't completely safe.  You see, I also keep an electronic journal in my Google Drive documents.  It's very convenient since I can access it from anywhere, unlike a Word document.  But I'm not going to kid myself, the NSA could read about how frustrated I get at work if they felt so inclined, and were incredibly bored.

Lately I've been using my online, electronic journal a little differently.  I've started posting pictures and links to articles that interest me.  It's different than just a pure writing journal, but I find it useful to making my brain work and think about different ideas.  Now we'll see if it will help my to spend more time writing.

Return to Normal

All of the visiting family has headed home today.  My cold is still here, but it hasn't turned into anything more severe, so I got up and did my workout this morning.  I will admit that I used wimpy weights because I was still feeling kind of drug-out, but I didn't miss it this morning.  My husband and I are back at work.  The kids are back at school.  Life has returned to its normal, busy but balanced, state.

Last night my husband and I were talking and we realized it had been over a week since we'd just had a normal family night at home.  Although we've been spending lots of time together, it hasn't been as a nuclear family, and I feel like I'm out out-of-touch with my family.  I'm so looking forward to a quiet evening of homework and a family dinner.

I realize that some folks in America are dealing with a whopper of a snow storm right now, but here they're talking about whether or not we're going to hit record high temperatures.  It's sunny and beautiful right now.  I suppose for most people (in the Northern hemisphere) that's not really normal for January, but this is Colorado, it's pretty standard to have some winter days in the upper 60s and 70s.

I'm sort of back at square one with my weight-loss.  Between family visits intertwined with food, a bad cold, and not working out every morning, I know I've put some weight back on.  But I've course corrected (again) and I'm getting back on track.  I really need to figure out how to stay on track when everything gets turned topsy-turvy.  Because the reality is that life is rarely predictable, and I can't keep making excuses and finding loop-holes for my health when things aren't following the normal pattern.  If any of my readers have any words of wisdom for making good food choices when life is in an uproar, I'd love to hear them!

Starting today, my posts should be more regular too.  It feels like life is always busy, but when a bunch of extra responsibilities and obligations are thrown into the mix, it feels nearly impossible to keep up.  This return to normal is evoking a big sense of relief!

Down and Out

In the midst of my husband's grandmother's Italian Catholic funeral, family in town, and eating weird things at weird times, I've managed to get really sick.  I don't get sick very often (for which I'm very grateful) so as a result, I tend to not deal with it very well.  My husband is being wonderful and picking up extra chores around the house even though he's dealing with stress and grief right now.  All of this is really to explain that I haven't bothered to weigh myself in a couple of days, though I suspect that just like last week I was doing really well until the weekend struck with especially difficult circumstances for eating.

Everything should return to normal by the middle of this week, so hopefully I'll be able to get back on track.  My biggest fear right now is that I'll end up with either a sinus infection or strep throat, which tends to be my M.O. when I get this sick.  This illness is also interfering with my ability to get a good workout in every morning, which is something I've always been consistent with even when I'm not eating right.  So frustrating!

I'm planning to return to regularly scheduled programming next week once everyone goes back home and our life returns to its normal dull roar without all these extra responsibilities!

A Hazy Shade of Winter

After several days of beautiful sunshine, winter returned today.  Of course the last time I looked at my weather app on my phone there wasn't any snow in the forecast, so I was caught by surprise this morning.

We've got lots of activity going on right now in preparation for my husband's grandmother's funeral, so I haven't had much time to write this week.  But since I love the snow, I just had to share a few photos.

Eating Failure and Parenting Success

I'm frustrated about the fact that I put weight back on this weekend even after being so careful.  So I was pouting today and didn't eat well at all.  I was actually doing the whole "it's not working anyway so why put myself through that" rationalization while I ate too much at lunch.  I know it was immature and counter-productive, so I plan on getting back on track tomorrow.

One thing that hasn't been frustrating me lately is my interactions with my children.  They've both been so pleasant and fun lately.  My son has been very compassionate and kind to my husband as he deals with the loss of his grandmother.  When my kids were little they used to tell us that the angels painted the sky when they saw the sunrise.  Last Friday morning here in Denver we had a particularly beautiful sunrise and my son told my husband, "it looks like a new angel painted the sky today, it must be Grandma."  That certainly helped to soften the grief a little bit.  He attended a sleepover birthday party this past weekend and the birthday boy's mother told me that her little son was attached to my son at the hip and that my son was so good with him.  My son can be uber-challenging at times, so I really treasure these times.

My daughter decided she wanted to paint with her spare time yesterday.  She's not 100% pleased with the result, but for a quick afternoon craft: color me impressed.  She may go back and touch it up as the bottom of the silhouette isn't dark enough for her tastes.

She's really getting to the age where she makes a good companion now.  She's always been fun to be around, but now she's reaching the age where we can have actual conversations (she'll be starting high school in the fall.)  With today being Martin Luther King, Jr. day, they've been studying him in school.  She told me that they had learned about some of the less inspirational parts of his life the other day and she wasn't sure she liked hearing that.  I told her that I actually find it more inspirational that a human being with all of our shortcomings and failings could muster the strength and courage to do the things he did.  I think it actually made sense to her and opened her eyes a little bit.  I loved having little kids, and I still miss having little ones running around, but I am finding a great deal of enjoyment in parenting older children now too.

2015 Weekly Progress Report #3

Weight:  142.4 pounds
Weight Change:  +0.6 pounds

I'm feeling pretty frustrated this morning.  After fighting so hard to eat properly on Friday when I REALLY wanted to pig-out, I put almost 2 pounds on from yesterday morning.  Yesterday when I stood on the scale it said 140.5.  My husband is telling me that it's salt since I had lunch with my sister-in-law at a restaurant yesterday.  I guess it's either that or I seriously underestimated the number of calories in the lunch.  I suppose tomorrow morning when I stand on the scale I'll know for sure one way or the other.  But this is not what I wanted to report today.  Ugh!

I'm typing at a disadvantage today because I sliced my right thumb open last night (I am right-handed).  I was watching TV while I was doing the dishes, and went to grab the scrub brush, but misjudged it while looking away and instead slammed my thumb down on the edge of an open can of tomatoes.  It's at an awkward spot that just keeps pulling open, so in order to keep it clean I've got gauze wrapped around the end of my thumb.  I've said it before, dishes are dangerous, I've gotten so many injuries from cleaning up after dinner, and a nasty scar on my right hand from a glass shattering while I had a dish rag inside of it.

I did manage to get a couple of nice shots this morning as the sun was coming up.  Luckily this dish-related thumb injury didn't impede my ability to do my work-out this morning, so I was up early and able to enjoy the morning sky.

The pretty color in the western sky

The nice clouds in the eastern sky with the sun just breaking the horizon

The eastern sky behind the trees

Another End and Food Struggles

I didn't get a post up yesterday because my son had his winter gymnastics show and my husband's grandmother passed away.  My mother-in-law, father-in-law, and my husband's grandfather were all in the room with her as she breathed her last.  In many ways this is a blessing as she hasn't really been herself in several years due to Alzheimer's, and my husband's grandfather was wearing himself out taking care of her full-time.  She was in her late 80s and had lived a long, full life with her husband, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  Even so, the finality of this goodbye is still hard for the people left behind.

Last evening we went over to my husband's grandfather's house, along with my husband's cousins and their families.  I think having so much activity and having all the kids there eased the pain a bit for my husband's grandfather.  Once the service is finished and everyone returns to their normal lives, the difficult journey of him learning to live alone will begin.  I hope that he's able to make that transition since he's still very healthy and spry and should still have some good years left.  Although the worry is that he won't deal with it well and will start to go downhill.  In some ways I think that's what my mother-in-law is more concerned about right now than even the loss of her mother.

I'm having a really difficult time with my eating today.  I'm not entirely sure why, but I REALLY want to eat something horrible for me with lots of calories.  Maybe it's because I'm so tired today, or because I'm dealing with some emotion over recent events even if it's not to the same degree as it would be with my grandmother, or maybe it's a combination of those things.  I've managed to not give into this impulse, even though I forgot my breakfast this morning, so was VERY tempted to run over to Starbucks on my way into the office.  I actually hit the elevator button for the floor where the Starbucks is located in the building.  But then just closed the doors again and rode up to the 23rd floor.  Instead of indulging I remembered the oatmeal I had in my desk and ate that.  I'm also pretty worried about eating well over the next week when family is going to be coming into town for the service, so I definitely can't make poor choices when I am in control of the food in front of me.  I don't want to start sliding backwards, I need to get to a more comfortable weight.  I just wish this wasn't so difficult!

This isn't a great photo since I only had my phone camera, but the colors outside my office window this morning were very stunning, so I had to grab a shot of it.

Today was one of those beautiful Colorado winter days with lots of sunshine.  These pictures are from my walk this afternoon to pick my son up from school.

Creepy

I sometimes get pretty creeped out by the "suggested posts" on my Facebook feed.  Even though I've now benefited greatly from this, I'm actually still sort of creeped out by the algorithms that can tell so much about us, and I use statistics in my job.  However, I am pleased that I discovered a new blog through those eerily accurate data models called A Girl's Guide to Horror.  My taste isn't quite as indiscriminate as my obsession with this website would lead others to believe, but I'm still inordinately excited about finding this website.  I need to add several books to my reading list now, and maybe update my Netflix queue.

It's been a crazy busy couple of days.  My son's homework load over the last couple of nights has been rather overwhelming, and we're on watch with my husband's grandmother in Hospice.  I'm hoping that this coming weekend will be fairly low-key and relaxing so we can recharge and catch up (and so I'll have more time and energy to write).  

In the meantime, here's a photo of bare trees against the fading evening sky that I took while my kids were at piano lessons tonight.  I heard about the Topaz Simplify plug-in for Lightroom on another one of my favorite blogs, Digital Photography School.  This is the result of using one of the paint filters.

Frozen

We've had some crazy weather for Denver.  We actually had frozen fog last night and this morning, which is very unusual for this climate zone.

I don't have much time to write today due to several different family obligations, but wanted to post a couple of photos I took today.

The Circle of Life

This isn't the post I set out to write today, but things changed throughout the day.  My husband's grandmother was placed in Hospice today.  In many ways it will be a blessing if she goes quickly because she hasn't been herself in years due to Alzheimer's.  My husband's grandfather has been wearing himself out taking care of her full-time.  Even so, he's losing his wife of over 60 years and my mother-in-law is losing her mother, which is difficult regardless of the circumstances.

We've reached the point in the cycle where our family is no longer growing; it's starting to shrink as we lose people.  I know that this will come back around in about 15 years and we'll start adding to it again when our kids are old enough to get married and start families.  This part of the cycle isn't much fun though.

We've been prepared for this news for a few months, and right now we're just feeling thankful that she had one last Christmas.  My posts may be a little spotty over the next couple of days, depending on where I'm needed to support the people who will be grieving.  If you feel so inclined, you might want to give the people you love a hug today, because you can't tell people how much they mean to you once they're gone.

2015 Weekly Progress Report #2

Weight:  141.8 pounds
Weekly Change:  -2.6 pounds

I did a good job this week with my food and calorie counting, and am making progress.  I am happy with those results, and with the self-control I exhibited when choosing meals this week.  Now I've just got to keep doing it.

Progress on my other goals:

• Presence at home:  I did a pretty decent job this past week of not talking about work, until Friday.  I did make time to play games with my son and take my daughter shopping.  Plus my husband and I had a pseudo-date* when my mom took the kids out.  So overall I'd give this one a passing grade for the week.
• Photography:  I continue to review my photos to determine what looks good and what didn't work so well, in an effort to take pictures differently in the future.  The biggest obstacle I'm running into here is time.  I know that in order to get some shots, I need to set up some of the additional equipment.  But since I do have a job and other responsibilities, I don't always have time to do so when I see something that would make a great shot.  So I made progress, but not as much as I would have liked.
• Statistics:  I have found new uses for formulas in Excel out of necessity over the last week back at work.  I also started reading my new book about data visualization.  Last year I did read both Naked Statistics and The Signal and the Noise.  I didn't make any big leaps forward here, but I think slow and steady is the key to using data more effectively at work.
• Writing:  Other than writing at this blog and in my journal, I've made zero progress here.  I have a story idea that I've been toying with, so hopefully I'll find the time and motivation to start working on it this week.

* We went to the movies together and saw The Imitation Game.  It was a very good movie, even if there were a few historical inaccuracies.  It was about Alan Turing and his team who cracked the German Enigma machine during WWII.  I highly recommend it if you're looking for a good film that makes you think a little.

Thoughts on Workouts, Work, and Family

Sunrise out my front window this morning

I had tangible proof this morning that I got really good workouts in for the last two days.  Yesterday morning I did boxing and this morning I did dumbbell circuits.  For the third and fourth circuits this morning I had to use lighter weights for a couple of the exercises.  The backs of my arms and shoulders are now pretty sore.  In fact, when I tried to take off my sports bra, something that isn't normally a big deal, I wasn't sure that I was actually going to be able to get it off.  But with persistence and patience I eventually succeeded.  Although I think it took almost one minute, rather than the usual five to ten seconds.

Other than good workouts, it's been a rough couple of days.  I have decided that I have to figure out how to re-frame and respond differently to my one particularly difficult coworker.  She wears me out emotionally and then I come home and my son has been extra challenging of late, so I can't ever fill my bucket back up.  The reality is this woman is never going to change, and quite frankly, I hear her on the phone with her family (she has a loud voice that carries) and she treats them the same way.  So I don't think it's personal, and I have to figure out how to stop taking it personally.  So that's a new goal which is related to my goal about being more present at home by leaving work at work.

ADHD is different than I had always imagined it to be before I had first-hand experience with it.  I thought it just meant that kids wouldn't focus or sit still.  But it's so much more than that.  It's making impulsive choices that can have very negative consequences.  It's abdicating control of feelings and emotions so my son can be very hateful at times.  I am grateful that this particular issue happens pretty exclusively at home so other people who might not love him unconditionally don't have to deal with it.  But sometimes it's hard not to take it personally and wonder what I've done to deserve that kind of treatment.

Hopefully today will help me to get recharged.  My mom took my kids for the day, so my husband and I are going to hang out and go to a movie together.  Maybe when the kids come home tonight, I'll be a little more recharged and ready to patiently deal with whatever new surprises get thrown our way!

Weight-Loss Plan

I'm on day 5 of eating the proper number of calories.  The first couple of days it  was really easy, yesterday and today have required more self-talk.  Last night we went out to dinner and it was my son's turn to choose the restaurant.  So I had to find something for a reasonable amount of calories in a wing restaurant.  There was a part of me (the same part that caused me to get 20 pounds above my goal weight) that wanted to just throw caution to the wind and order what sounded good.  But I am determined to get back to a comfortable and healthy weight, so I ordered boneless, skinless wings and steamed broccoli.

Fridays have always been a challenge for me since I started my current job.  We work 9 hours (at least) Monday through Thursday, then the idea is to work 4 hours on Friday.  However, since I still get to the office at 6:30 and don't leave until it closes at noon, that's more than 4.  By that time I'm usually exhausted physically and emotionally (I work with some challenging people).  That's always been one of my worst days where I come home and indulge because "I deserve it."  But I had the lunch I had planned, and I've got dinner planned so I won't have any problems there either.  The rest of my family will be eating Qdoba while we watch a movie together tonight, and I will sit with them but enjoy a more sensible dinner.

I feel like I'm in the proper mental place for the next few months that it will take to return to my goal weight.  So that's good.  I've also started thinking about long-term maintenance.  Because I've been here before, where I worked so hard to take the weight off and kept it off for about 1 year, but then slowly started putting it back on until I got back to the place I'm at now.  Counting calories works really well for me when I'm losing weight.  I have a mathematical mind and it's almost like a budget, which I've always been very good at working within also.  But long-term it feels rigid and lacks spontaneity.

Right now my plan is to continue counting calories for about 1 month after I hit my goal weight.  Then to start using the principles in the Weigh Down diet.  The book about the diet is hyper religious, so isn't for everyone, but the principles behind it are very sound.  The author espouses eating regularly throughout the day, when you feel hungry.  Then, and this is the key, to stop eating when you feel satisfied, not full.  My brother's wife did this diet back when she was pretty heavy (before I knew her) and said she ended up eating pretty small portions about 6 times each day.  She's never gotten really heavy again, so I know it can work.  The other safeguard I'm planning on having in place is that I can't ever cross the 128 pound threshold.  If that happens, then I'll immediately go back into calorie counting until I get back down to 122 pounds.  My goal weight is 125 pounds, but I think having a range of 122 to 128 will make my mind feel like I have some flexibility.

Last night we got frozen rain, and then a light layer of snow on top of it.  Because of that, there were very clear animal tracks on the creek today.  When I was walking my son home from school, I got some pictures of the tracks.

This looks like a bird convention occurred here.

I believe these are raccoon tracks, but I could be wrong.  However, they look very different than the dog tracks I saw.

I think a squirrel stood here.

This hand print was put into the cement back in the early eighties.  It filled in nicely under the snow and ice today.

The creek dressed its winter finery.

After that walk I had to come home to a nice, hot cup of mint tea in my literary mug.

Perspective Lost

My perspective from yesterday and my goal to be more positive at work didn't last very long.  It's been a long day and everything is annoying me today.  I'm feeling frustrated with the coworker who I really like because she won't gather the courage to speak up for herself.  My coworker who's workload recently changed so she's supposed to be helping me with mine is annoying me because she seems to be incapable of figuring out fairly routine technology issues without help.  My coworker who always kind of rubs me the wrong way is annoying me because she treats everyone so poorly and ignores deadlines.  I've really been trying with her, yesterday I noticed and told her how nice she looked in her cute skirt.  I remind myself constantly how smart she is and how good she is at her work...when she does it.  I'm frustrated with the consultant who ran a file for me and I told him it had some duplicates.  Then he sent an email acting all indignant and saying that the file wasn't wrong.  Of course, the one he was referring to as correct was one he reran this afternoon, not this morning when he originally asked me to look at it.  I do like auditable systems.

I was looking at some data today and was reminded of a time that my boss did something completely unethical, and so even though she's out of the office traveling today, I'm feeling annoyed with her.  I'm annoyed with the inefficiency of the gentleman who sits in the office next to me.  He had his boss (who sits two doors over) send me an email to see if I had time for a question.  I replied that I did, and that email was forwarded to the person right next door.  He then emailed to ask me when he could come talk to me.  So I replied that he could come over.  He then came over to ask if I could get him a report with addresses.  Because that question couldn't have gone into the original email?!  I think part of the problem may be that I normally work from home 1 to 2 days each week, and since I was off for the last 2 weeks I've been in the office every day this week.  Maybe I need to work from home part of the time so I don't end up biting someone's head off.

I'm also feeling frustrated about my current weight.  I'm working on it now, and that's a good thing, but I'm upset that I let myself get to this point again.  My clothes are tight, uncomfortable, and don't look good; and it doesn't help that I've had to wear office clothes every day this week.  When I was doing bent-over rows and rear lateral raises this morning , I could feel the fat in my back bunching.  I suppose that means I'm doing those correctly, but just...ugh!  It should be as difficult to get out of shape as it is to get into shape!

I'm really missing being able to get outside for some of my workouts.  My husband will brave the icy patches during the winter, but I'm sticking to the elliptical and workout DVDs right now for my cardio workouts.  I know that if I tried to run outside I'd probably slip and fall on the ice and be completely out of commission.  So I'm stuck inside and it's just not as spiritually rejuvenating.

I realize that it's only January 8th and that I'm failing miserably on the goal to be more positive.  I was reading one of the HR blogs I follow today and realized that maybe the reason this is so difficult is because of evolution.  From the article:

Human beings are wired to look for bad news. We are always looking for negatives that could affect our existence. From a survival standpoint, it’s more important to focus on things that kill us than things that make us feel good. This is called negativity bias, and it is great for survival of the species – not so good for feeling good about work and your place in the company. This is why we never remember the 20 great things our managers say in our reviews and piss and moan about the ONE thing we didn’t do so well in February.

Of course the following paragraph talked about how we can combat that mindset.

The good news is that we can actively manage how our brain works. Specifically, when we understand that we have this negativity bias, we can avoid it by focusing on the good things that happen to us. Knowing we tend to overemphasize the negative allows us to process that one negative event – allow it to be absorbed – and give us the freedom to then focus on the great things that happened at work that same day.
Once we recognize the good stuff, we then can focus on it and give it more time in our conscious – more importance. All the while reducing the impact of the negative events.

I guess it's clear that I still have work to do.  Maybe I need  to read another book about the holocaust.  Sigh...

But I did manage to get a nice photo this morning of the stars and the bare winter trees.  I was also cheered quite a bit when I picked my son up from the after school program today and found him helping a second grade girl with her math.  There's nothing like parental pride to help with a negative attitude!

Perspective

Sometimes I think that contentment just isn't in our nature as humans (or maybe it's just not in mine).  We seem to always be in pursuit of happiness rather than being grateful for what we have.  Over Christmas vacation I read The Book Thief and The Storyteller.  I didn't set out to read two books about the holocaust in a row; those had both been loaned to me and I was trying to get them read in order to return them.  I read about starvation, death, torture, and deplorable living conditions.  We've also been rewatching Frontier House with the kids and these people worked all the time.  Laundry day literally meant the entire day was spent doing laundry.  It's all made me realize how wondrous our lives really are, and how much there is to feel grateful for.

• I have plenty to eat (too much actually).
• I can always get warm, which was really brought home to me this past Monday morning when it was 2 degrees and I was walking to work downtown past people sleeping outside.  
• My family is safe and secure.  
• There is a creek behind our house and open space that surrounds our suburban home with nature.
• I have a lovely view of the Flatirons out my kitchen window as I do dishes.
• I have a job where I get sick time, vacation, and holidays off with pay, and where I get weekends off with my family.  I get to do work that I enjoy and at which I excel.  I make enough to support my family.  I know not everyone is so fortunate.
• I had all four of my grandparents until shortly after I became a mother.  My kids are already down one.
• We saw this spectacular sunset from our back deck last night.

I know that I have it so much easier than so many others, and I feel pretty small when I whine about the fact that someone spoke unkindly to me, or that I had to work through lunch.  So maybe it is helpful to read and watch shows about people who aren't as fortunate as me.  Maybe that will help me to have the proper perspective and to keep my frustrations in check.

On another note, I've made it through day three eating the proper amount of calories.  The scale is inching down each morning.  We even had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory today because it was one of my coworker's birthdays.  They have a new "Skinnylicious" menu that had some really interesting choices.  I was able to get chicken enchiladas that came with the most wonderful steamed veggies (there was some kind of spice on them), all for about 590 calories.  Not bad for a restaurant meal.

Anniversary Dinner

I made it through day two eating properly, yay!  I am fighting a bit of a headache for the second day now since my body was so used to extra calories, but I'm not going to die.

I've also managed to stay fairly positive for the last two days at work.  One of my coworkers who tends to complain a great deal (but who I really like) returned today, so it was harder.  But even with that added obstacle, I still kept a fairly positive attitude.  I hope all of you are having some success with the goals and/or resolutions you set for 2015.

We're having my mom over for dinner tonight since today would have been her 42nd wedding anniversary.  I know this is going to be a tough evening for her, and I wanted her with her grandchildren instead of home potentially wallowing in grief.  I know she needs to experience the grief, but I don't want her to have to suffer more than necessary.

We've had an incredible warm-up over the last 2 days, and almost all of our snow and ice are gone.  Yesterday it was extremely windy in front of the warm weather, and that really did a number on the snow.  This is all we have left in our yard today.

I have to run and get ready for dinner, so don't have too much time to write now.  I promise a meatier post tomorrow.

Return to Reality

After two wonderful weeks off with my family, I had to return to work this morning.  I didn't sleep at all well last night, so I'm a little punchy, but I made it through the first day back.  I could tell that it's been pretty cold for awhile now when I walked out my door this morning and it was 2 degrees (Fahrenheit) and I thought to myself, "meh, it's not that bad."  I read an article once that said being cold turns yellow fat into brown fat which is better for our bodies.  So I like to think that my walk from the bus stop to the office this morning had extra health benefits (though if I'm being honest, I feel pretty skeptical about that claim).

The view out my office window was pretty stunning, even if I wasn't able to capture it very well on my phone camera.

I got a new keyboard right before I went out on vacation, and I'm still struggling a bit to adjust to it.  I use keyboard shortcuts almost exclusively in Excel, and the Home, End, Page Up, and Page Down keys are all in different spots, so that's tripping me up at times.  But what's even worse is how the keyboard is laid out.  I use ergonomic split keyboards with no problem.  I use regular keyboards with no problem.  But this keyboard is like a hybrid, and I am having a difficult time knowing exactly how to place my hands.  (Told you, I'm punchy this evening!)

The sky was beautiful tonight when I had to run out to the store.  Once again I was stuck with the phone camera, so don't have a beautiful photo, just an interesting picture.

I also liked the way our icy street looked in the last of the daylight.  I had the real camera for this one.

I did manage to eat really well today.  It'll be one day at a time though, because anyone who's been reading for awhile knows that I've managed to have stretches previously where I ate well for several days.  So it's not the one day that I make a good choice, it's the sum of all the days of choices that matter when it comes to health and weight.

Baseline Progress

My goal this year is get to my weight back down to 125 pounds.  I didn't totally throw caution to the wind over the holiday break, but I also didn't make any effort to lose weight.  So I did put a couple more pounds on over the break.  It's not such a great thing because I'm going to be pretty uncomfortable in my work clothes when I put them on again for the first time in two weeks tomorrow.  Although that should certainly help with initial motivation.

I'm starting out at 144.4 pounds today.

My plan is to be down to 125 pounds by April 5th.  If I eat the way I know I'm supposed to, this should be more than enough time to make that goal.  In case I needed any further proof that it's my eating that controls my weight, I got it over this break.  The only two days over break that I didn't work out were Christmas and New Year's mornings.  I worked out every other day, and my weight is still way to high.

I'll also be working hard on my other goals.  I've been feeling a little blue today knowing that I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I'm going to miss my family, and the sad reality is that I work with a couple of very self-absorbed and inconsiderate people.  When I found myself feeling irritated with people I haven't seen in two weeks this morning in the shower, I stopped myself.  I reminded myself that in order to be a better wife and mom, I need to leave work at work.  I can't take things personally, because I don't think the two especially difficult people that I work with are trying to be mean, they just don't think about other people.  That's the reality, and my being upset doesn't improve anything.

I've been using my new photography tools and they are definitely helping.  My goal for the next few weeks is to play more with the settings on my camera so I can continue to improve my photography.  For the goal that I have to write and publish something, I'm planning on using work breaks to start writing again.  I'll update all three of my goals each Sunday to keep myself accountable on progress.

Starting a New Year

I haven't posted in a couple of days because we've been so busy around the house.  We always take down all the Christmas decorations and clean the house on New Year's day.  Then the next day my husband and I clean and organize our basement storage room as we put all the Christmas boxes back in under the fall/Halloween and spring/Easter boxes.  It's always a little emotional for me, which I realize is utterly ridiculous, but it's an involuntary response.  I think every year when we put the holiday paraphernalia away, I realize that another holiday season as a nuclear family of four has passed, and they're starting to be numbered now.  So I'm always tired from staying up late the night before, grumpy about putting the holiday decorations away and getting ready for work, and sad because my kids aren't so little any longer.  It is always good to get the house back to normal though.

My kids said goodbye to the old year by playing on the frozen creek behind our house.

Today we took the kids to the Nature and Science museum for our final family hoorah of the holiday season before we all return to work and school on Monday.  The view of downtown from the atrium is really beautiful.  Luckily we got a picture before it started snowing again.  The photo is from my phone camera, so it's not spectacular, but you still get an idea of what downtown Denver looks like from the east with the mountains in the background.

We're back home now watching the snow fall again.  We've had snow on the ground since Christmas evening, which is a little unusual for Denver.  Normally it snows, then the sun comes out and melts everything before it snows again.  But it's kind of nice and very wintry.  The one thing that I am looking forward to about next week is getting started on my weight loss again.  I decided not to bother until the holiday break is over, but then I'm going to get serious again.