Successful Day

I managed to make good choices today with both exercise and food, despite being so exhausted that I could hardly function and having an extraordinarily stressful day at work.  Or maybe I should just say ordinarily stressful since lately it seems like they're all that way.  I'm not entirely sure how I managed to make such good choices today, but I'll take a win when I can get one.  Although it might be good to figure out why I was so successful today so that I can repeat today's choices.

I've been trying to go without caffeine lately because my doctor told me that it makes fibrous cysts worse, and I thought it might help me to sleep better if I didn't ingest caffeine during the day.  But I'm giving up on that one.  I almost never get a decent night's sleep any longer, with or without caffeine, so I need it to make it through the day without being a complete zombie.  I guess it's alright to have a few crutches in life, as long as I'm carefully considering the consequences of said crutch.

Weekly Non Weigh-In

I'm not doing a weekly weigh-in this week as I chose to eat horribly all week and haven't had the courage to stand on the scale in a few days.  I've been struggling with why I want to lose weight so I just haven't been in the proper mindset to make good food choices.  This past Thursday I really went completely off the deep end.  I was working from home that day and my husband and the kids were celebrating spring break with food.  They brought home Lamar's doughnuts for breakfast, Jimmy John's sub sandwiches for lunch, and then we went out to get seafood for dinner.  I just can't eat like that anymore.  I was so nauseous on Thursday night.

So if I can't get it into my head to eat properly in order to lose weight, maybe I can convince myself to eat properly to avoid feeling like that again.  I'm planning on getting back on course this week and will publish a weekly weigh-in next week.

Anguished Mother Update

I wanted to provide an update on this post.  Things are definitely going better than they were when I wrote that post.  One of the big differences is that I just feel so much more supported.  It's amazing what happens when you just ask for help.  I think there are still some people who believe that it's just a parenting issue, but they're at least being less vocal.  Of course some of the problems probably are the result of parenting, they just aren't all due to parenting.  These kiddos don't come with an owner's manual and what works with one doesn't necessarily work with the other, so there's a great deal of trial and error associated with figuring this out.

We're seeing a family therapist again and it seems to help even outside of the sessions as everyone is more willing to discuss their feelings so we can talk through things.  We found a couple of impulse control activity books and they seem to be helping some.  We're also tracking behavior in a "trust bucket" to earn a reward. It's not as if everything is suddenly perfect.  We continue to work at this daily and there are still extremely challenging days.  But since we've been open about this and accepted more help, we've had more good days.  We're seeing more glimpses of the good person that our son truly is.  When we aren't so busy dealing with issues we can just enjoy his fun and wacky personality.

Also, we've had some lovely spring days recently in Colorado.  But being Colorado, we do have some overlap between winter and spring.

The Book That Makes Me a Better Mother

My husband accuses me of being a bit of a stalker when it comes to Katrina Kenison.  However, I don't think buying 4 or 5 copies of her book Mitten Strings for God makes me stalker, and I imagine she doesn't mind!  It's my new go-to gift for anyone I know who gets pregnant.  I wish I would have found the book when my children were even younger.  Reading it just makes me feel so peaceful, and much less worried about whether or not I'm doing everything "correctly."

One of my co-workers found Katrina Kenison when she saw her YouTube video for her book The Gift of an Ordinary Day.  I did tell my co-worker that I was a bit put out that she sent the link to me on my work email because I should not have watched the video at work.  I'm not much of a crier, and I really HATE to cry at work; but there were definitely a few tears shed while I watched that.  So of course I looked into her books after seeing that moving video about how we should work to appreciate the ordinary moments with our children because that's what we'll miss when they're grown.  It was backed by beautiful music provided by one of her sons.

I don't like being overly busy.  One of the really unpleasant side-effects of being overbooked is that I tend to hoard my free-time and refuse to commit to anything, even when it's important.  So I stopped enrolling my children in so many activities and it really did seem to help the family dynamic and everyone seemed calmer and less stressed.  But I was feeling horribly guilty and thinking that my kids were going to fall behind and wouldn't have the life they wanted because I wasn't being enough of a "tiger mom."  Then I read Mitten Strings and realized that I wasn't taking anything away from my children.  I was giving them the gift of their childhood by allowing them to have unscheduled time.  And I was giving myself the precious gift of time with my kids, because it's nearly impossible to understand how quickly the time goes by until you have children.  So this book which reinforced the choice I'd made provided me with validation and a sense of peace that I so desperately needed to be a better mother.

She has another book out now called Magical Journey, but I'm not ready to read it.  I feel like I'll get more out of it if I read it when my kiddos are almost grown and I'm at the right life-stage to be able to fully appreciate it.  I felt like I was a little bit on the early end with Ordinary Day since it's more about her children in high school, but it was another reminder to appreciate the now, because it won't last forever.  So obviously I highly recommend checking out her blog and these books.  Maybe they'll speak to you the way they spoke to me.

Springtime Nature Walk

I went for a walk with my kiddos tonight, and we saw lots of signs of spring.  The daffodil is about to bloom and the grape hyacinths are hitting their prime.

We also saw some winged wildlife.  A mallard duck couple and a hawk.

I'm also feeling very loved right now.  My mom gave me this book this week.  I don't think it matters how old you get, it always feels good to be loved by your mom!

You Keep Using That Word

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) The Princess Bride

I work with someone who feels compelled, repeatedly, to tell me what a high degree of integrity she has.  Firstly, I think she and I may define that word differently.  Secondly, if you have to tell people that you have a high degree of integrity because they can't glean that from your actions; then you just don't.

I clearly need a time-out from other people!  Or maybe just a few days off from work.

Glimpses of Spring

Spring is officially here on the calendar, but Colorado is a little slow to catch on most years.  I remember traveling to Atlanta for work a few years ago in early March and being bowled over by all of the flowers that were already in bloom.  Here we're just starting to get a few glimpses of the season in late March.

I didn't make any progress this week with my weight.  It isn't because I've hit a plateau, it's because I know what I need to do, but I'm still having a hard time convincing myself why I need to do it.  At 5'5" and this weight, I'm not obese, in fact I'm not even overweight.  I'm on the high-end of normal weight for my height.  But I know what it feels like to be 120 pounds.  I have more energy, I feel lighter and stronger, and I feel more confident about the way I look.  This morning during my workout I was struggling with pushups and realized that they wouldn't be this difficult if I weighed about 12 pounds less.

I'm doing a great job with exercise, getting in at least 6 workouts per week.  But I've written this here before, I can't lose weight through exercise.  Exercise makes me healthier and stronger, not thinner.  I have to eat properly if I want to lose weight, and that's what I'm continuing to struggle with.  Because I'm not overweight it can be hard to convince myself that I don't need as much food as I want, although I know my body doesn't need that many calories.  If I was really overweight, I think it would be easier to convince myself to stop eating, but since I just want to lose weight rather than needing to lose weight, I frequently decide just to keep eating because I want to.

I guess part of "choosing" my course is deciding what's more important to me, my desire to eat, or my desire to get to a weight that feels really good.  With every choice there is an opportunity cost, and lately I've been choosing the food over the weight-loss.  Hopefully I can get into the proper mindset and report better results soon.

An Open Letter to My Work Neighbor About Your Speaker Phone Habit

Dear Work Neighbor,

We are very fortunate where we work to all have an office with a door.  However, we still have rather thin walls, and when our doors, which are right next to each other, are open and you answer your phone on speaker; I can hear EVERY SINGLE WORD both you and the person you're talking to are saying.  It's distracting and quite frankly, it's annoying.  We humans should work on being considerate of the others around us.  So I guess I won't play Disturbed at high volume; no matter how tempted I feel at the moment!

Sincerely,
Your Slightly Irritated Neighbor

I Have A Problem

I'm an addict.  I looked up the definition of addiction and it perfectly describes one of my activities.

Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health.  

When I get a hold of a good book, I act like an addict.  I can't seem to put it down and I keep thinking, "just one more chapter", or "I just need to see what happens in this scene."  Then I'll do my chores, or turn off the light and go to sleep.

I'm currently reading Divergent so I can discuss it with my daughter.  I started it yesterday afternoon and I'm almost done; and my sink is full of dirty dishes and all of the laundry is laying in a pile on the laundry room floor.

My daughter's class went on a field trip to see the movie on opening day for a compare and contrast activity.  It was fairly refreshing to hear her say that although they changed a few things because the book would be too complicated to make into a movie as is, they were small changes and they fit within the story.  Normally she has nothing but disdain for movies based on books because she thinks they change too much.  Of course now I have Adrenaline Mob's song Undaunted running through my head.  Someone missed the boat on that one for the movie soundtrack!

OK, time to do some chores.  I will not pick up the book right now.  I guess we'll see about bedtime tonight!

Happy Birthday to My Beautiful Daughter!

I have to beg my reader's indulgence today to celebrate a personal event.

Today is March 20th, the first day of spring, the International Day of Happiness, and the day my daughter officially becomes a teenager!

She was a strawberry-blond for awhile as a baby

I'm finding myself a bit astonished that I'm actually the mother of a 13-year-old teenager.  Tempus fugit.  I looked this up in a Latin dictionary to get the literal translation and it is "time flees", or "time flies" as in escaping or running away.  That's what it feels like here, that time has escaped and is quickly fleeing.  It seems like such a short time ago that I was a new mother with absolutely no idea what I was doing or even how to get a shower in during the day.  I remember being totally consumed with love for this tiny being.  When she was about 6 days old she was sleeping on her blanket on the floor and my husband and I were watching a special on Sesame Street.  They got to the part where they were talking about when Mr. Hooper died and I burst into tears (in my defense, postpartum hormones were coursing through my body).  My husband said to me, "oh, this is sad isn't it?"  I told him that it didn't have anything to do with what we were watching, I just loved her so much that I was completely overwhelmed.

She's always loved to read and brought so much fun and laughter into our home

I'm so proud of the person she's become, and very excited to continue watching her grow.  She's such a hard-worker and does so well academically.  She is beautiful inside and out.  She has been on a mission trip to help clean up in New Orleans and she has volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House here in Denver.  She's putting aside her fears to travel to Europe on a school trip this coming summer (we'll see how I handle that one!)  I've seen her be very kind to others.  My son has an older friend who started middle school at my daughter's school this year and I watched her go out of her way to talk to him, find out how he was doing, and make him feel comfortable.

I'm glad she's always been willing to put up with a paparazzi mother!

She likes Iron Maiden, Dream Theater, and 80s synth pop.  She's so creative and really good at art, especially drawing (guess that's my husband's genes).  She's definitely my daughter when it comes to reading though.   If we ever can't find her, we know she'll be in some corner curled up with a good book.  

Notice the Iron Maiden shirt?

My beautiful teenager!

So happy birthday, baby.  I know you're not a baby anymore, but never forget:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like for you always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

 - Love You Forever by Robert Munsch

Mescinna and Markku Korolainen, if you're reading this, thank you for giving us that book and starting our now extensive book collection back in August of 2000.  Last year one of her presents was a second book shelf for her room!

Embracing the Chaos

My kids make my life messy, and complicated, and at times very stressful.  But I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything.  I received a very poignant reminder of what a precious blessing and gift our kids are.  I will not get to be an aunt again.  There was a "cord accident" and my sweet sister-in-law had to go through labor and delivery knowing that there would be no baby to add to their family at the end.  All of their plans and dreams for adding a fourth person to their family disappeared in the blink of an eye.  They had gone to the doctor's appointment ready to find out the gender so they could start shopping and planning.  Instead they will now go home to their family knowing that it will never be any larger.

Life at times seems very sturdy and nearly unbreakable.  But then we're reminded how fragile it truly can be.  I'm so grateful for my healthy children, difficulties and all.  Before I had kids my house was always clean and well organized, I always knew to where to find everything.  Now there is clutter everywhere, and nothing is ever where I expect it to be.  Sometimes I get frustrated with this, but I've decided to choose a new response.  Not only am I especially grateful to be a mother to these two kiddos, I'm trying to be aware of how quickly they grow up.  I know a day will come sooner than I'm ready where my house is spotless again and I'll know right where my scissors are, and no one will "need" me when I'm in the bathroom.  But I also know when that time comes I'll be missing my children and being a full-time mother terribly.  So I'm going to embrace the chaos while it lasts.  After all, I am extremely fortunate to be able to experience the chaos!

Sadness

I had real post written today since I didn't have the energy to write one yesterday.  But we got some very sad news today and I just don't feel like posting anything substantial again tonight.  People that I love are hurting and there is nothing I can do to help or make them feel better.  There are no words to make this better.  There is nothing that anyone can do except provide support and love.

Hopefully we're return to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I'm too exhausted to string coherent thoughts together tonight.  So this evening I'm just sending out a simple wish that everyone had a nice St. Patrick's Day, and that everyone had a dinner that was as yummy as mine!

Irish cheddar scones, that were served with corned beef and apple slaw

Weekly Weigh In

Although I can't report as much progress as I would be able to if I was making better choices all the time, I'm not unhappy with the current results of 131.9 which are headed in the right direction.  I've had a couple of bad days recently with my eating because I completely gave in and used food to deal with stress, despite the fact that I know better.  I did it once to deal with work stress, and another time to deal with parenting stress.

I'm trying to find more productive and healthier ways of dealing with the stress.  Because my entire family struggles with keeping our stress levels in check, we purchased a CD with guided meditations.  I've successfully used the bedtime meditation to help me to relax and fall asleep a couple of times now.  Luckily I have an office at work (I'm so grateful not to be sitting in a cube farm).  My plan is to close the door and use the instant calm meditation the next time I get overloaded at work.  I've also gotten some good recommendations about an app called Simply Being, so I've purchased that and will try it too.

I've found that journaling and trying to really articulate my feelings and emotions has helped more in dealing with the parenting stress.  I experience such a wide variety of emotions with that stress; it's much complicated and deeper than work stress.  The work stress mainly deals with self-worth issues.  Parenting stress impacts my very core and I sometimes feel inadequate as a person, not just in a particular task.  All of those swirling emotions are under laid with a fierce and all-encompassing love.  So trying to sort them out and write about them seems to help.

The other thing that always helps me is being able to get outside.  I know that part of this is just cyclical and that when I can get outdoors in the sunshine and feel the breeze and move my body, I nearly always feel better.  Today we had lunch with my parents at their house and then went for a walk.  Someone in their neighborhood had the most wonderful, ultra deluxe bird house.

I'm sure that I'll be able to make even better choices about food as the weather gets nicer with spring finally arriving this coming week, and make even more progress towards my goal.

Are Big Words Bad?

I’ve read several articles lately which indicate that we should be “dumbing-down” our writing for ease of understanding, otherwise it’s just self-aggrandizing (see what I just did there?).  I would argue that it depends on the purpose of the writing.  I agree that there are certain times when having everyone understand and be on the same page is crucial, and in that case the writing should be very clear, concise, and simple.  These authors state that it’s the mark of a better writer if you can communicate the same thing using smaller words.  I actually love seeing new words when I’m reading for pleasure, and since I’m normally reading on my Kindle, it’s exceedingly simple to look up the definition of the word.

Children frequently run across words in their reading that they don’t understand.  They either infer the meaning from the context, ask someone what it means, or look it up.  Why do some people think adults aren’t capable of doing that?  Sometimes there’s a perfect word where both the definition and the connotations align to perfectly describe the thought, and sometimes it’s a “big word”.  Why shouldn’t we be able to use that word just because it’s not in everyone’s lexicon?  Working towards something just outside of one’s comfort zone is how people learn and grow.  Do some people really believe that adults are less capable of or less interested in learning?  It’s probably true that our minds are less open as the pathways in our brains are more firmly established, but there’s been ample research to prove that new pathways can be created (i.e. learning) at any age and that it’s actually really good for your brain to develop those new pathways.

When we went to parent-teacher conferences at my daughter’s middle school several weeks ago there was a sign on her classroom door that I really liked.

Readers have expectations.
Writers have responsibilities.

So unless you’re responsible for writing instructions or creating content for business, keep on using those sesquipedalian words so I can continue to expand my vocabulary.

A Picture Perfect Journey

This is a picture of my first "real" camera.  I had point-and-shoot (film) cameras before this, but getting this camera was absolutely amazing!  My dad has always been interested in the art of photography and is a very talented photographer (way better than me) who rarely ever takes a picture.  The few pictures he took of us as kids are professional quality.  My mom, whose talents lie outside of the artistic areas, always took a lot of snapshots which are fun to look back on, but no one would ever want to frame those.  I like to think that I have a decent eye for composing photographs and I take pictures all the time, so I guess in this regard I'm a perfect combination of my parents.

My dad served in the army during the Vietnam war and this Canon camera went with him.  He doesn't like to talk about it very much so the pictures he took over there aren't on display.  But I have seen his photo album once before and he has some amazing, and some disturbing shots; sometimes both in the same picture.  I think the first time I saw those photos as a teenager was when I realized that war wasn't just some abstract concept and that it was actually pretty horrific.

When my dad recognized my budding interest in photography, he gave me this camera.  I got the impression that it was kind of his first baby and it was a BIG deal and a very special gift that he gave to me.  I was a very good student because I was so interested in learning how to take good photos like my dad.  I actually kept a journal in my camera bag and recorded the f-stop and shutter speed on every picture that I took.  I also had the ISO recorded, but that was for an entire roll of film, this was WAY before digital cameras were available.  I don't know how many rolls of film I went through.  Back then I had to be very careful about the shot I took as there wasn't any delete button, and both purchasing and developing film were pretty expensive, especially on my limited budget.

The camera had an external flash, but it was broken and we couldn't get it fixed for a reasonable price, so I only ever took pictures outdoors with it.  I had so much fun with that camera.  For someone who was really good at math and science, this felt like one of my only real creative outlets.  I've since come to realize that you can also be very creative in math and science, but unfortunately that's not really the way those subjects were taught in school, so I had to figure that out on my own much later.  Here are a few of the pictures that I was particularly proud of.

At the Uncompahgre plateau

A wild primrose flower (slightly underexposed)

I pretty much stopped using the Canon after my daughter was born because I needed to be able to take pictures indoors with a flash.  So for several years I was back to a point-and-shoot camera.  I still didn't have a digital camera then so my daughter's baby pictures are almost exclusively on film.  Luckily by that point I could order a DVD when I got the pictures developed so we do have some digital record of her infant years.  I think she was nearly 3 before I got a digital point-and-shoot camera.

A couple of years ago I got my current camera, a Nikon D7000 for which I saved my pennies for about a year (yes, as a grown adult with a husband and children I still have to save my money to make big purchases).  I was so anxious to get started with it and I was also a bit rusty on manual photography so I set it on the automatic mode and started taking pictures.  This camera  takes wonderful pictures.  I took the picture of the Canon above with the Nikon (ironic?).  But now that I've taken the time to reacquaint myself with the exposure triangle and switched over to the manual mode I think the pictures are even better, and I feel more ownership of them.  When I was using the automatic mode I thought I was doing a pretty good job with composition, which is extremely important.  But there's something tremendously satisfying about choosing your own exposure settings and seeing a nice photo.  

So I've come full circle with my photography twice.  While I do have other creative outlets these days, I still really enjoy capturing a beautiful scene to share with others.  One of my favorite things to do with my pictures now is to give photo gifts.  This is especially appreciated by parents and grandparents, so my sisters-in-law, parents, and parents-in-law have all been on the receiving end of these gifts.  It feels good to know that the gift is unique and not something they could get anywhere else.  Most of my pictures are good, a few are mediocre, and an even smaller few are remarkable.  But I'll keep working at it and getting better, after all, fun is frequently found in the journey.

I Chose Poorly

I’m envisioning the knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade right now, telling me that I chose poorly.  Yesterday was a hyper-stressful day at work.  I’ve been tasked with working on a project that I hadn’t planned on, and I’m struggling to fit it in the schedule and to get access to all of the information that I need to complete it.  I wrote before about the Zen Habits blog post where the author stated that we feel overwhelmed because we’re trying to live up to an ideal, and if we just give up that ideal we’ll be better off.  However, my father has always made it clear to us that it’s not alright to do a “half-assed” job on anything; that you must give everything your all.  He used to love to quote Yoda to us, “Do, or do not.  There is no try.”  I think this is why I’ve always had such a strong work ethic...and why I’ve always dealt with so much stress and self-induced pressure.

Requests were coming in fast and furious yesterday at work and I was getting really frustrated with people who, in my estimation, should have known better than to ask me for information that’s never been made available to me.  So I found my stress level escalating until it reached a pretty unhealthy point.  Instead of pulling out the guided meditation exercises that I have, or going for a walk around the building (although given yesterday’s snow and wind, that might have been a little difficult), or reaching for any number of other healthy and productive methods of stress reduction; I ate.  A lot.  I got taquitos and corn chips from Baja Fresh for lunch and ate ALL of them.  I ate 6 squares of dark chocolate.  I ate a serving of Whole Foods brand of corn nuts.  I capped it all off with jelly bellies after dinner which was Salisbury Steak, noodles, and brussels sprouts.  (Side note:  My husband makes the most delicious baked brussels sprouts, even the kids love them and pop them like candy).

I recognized that I was using the food as a coping mechanism while I was eating it, but that didn’t change the fact that I continued to eat.  It made me feel like my self-control must be stunted somehow.  Although I’ve read before that we humans only have so much self-control that we can exercise, that it’s like a muscle and when it gets fatigued it’s harder to exert self-control.  This is why some nutritionists recommend eating the same meal everyday for breakfast, because the fewer choices you have to make, the more self-control you’ll have leftover for the times that you really need it.  Maybe I had just used it all up on not screaming at any of my co workers yesterday, so I had nothing left when it came time to make food choices.  Or maybe I’m just making excuses for the stunningly poor choices I made yesterday.

The good news is that when I stood on the scale this morning, I’d actually lost half a pound.  I don’t think I’ve discovered some new secret to losing weight, I think I just got really lucky because I had been eating so well up until that point.  So last night I did pull out the guided relaxation for bedtime, unfortunately I still didn’t sleep well (I’m starting to feel like a zombie).  This morning I got up and did a Pure Barre workout.  When I first start the exercises where you move only an inch, it feels like it couldn’t possibly be a real workout.  But it’s isometric, and by time the same muscle groups have been engaged for two full minutes, I can definitely feel it.  I ate a healthy breakfast and Iunch, both of which I prepared in advance.  I chose to reframe the way I’m thinking about this work project and to just stop worrying about it.  I’m doing my best with the tools that I have and if anyone wants to knock me for it then that’s their issue, and I don’t choose to take it on.  So another course correction was necessary.  I guess this is just part of the human condition.

Image courtesy of IMDB

Snow and Horror Movies

Colorado's schizophrenic weather strikes again!  Yesterday afternoon it was close to 70 degrees and it felt so good to be outside in the sunshine.  Today it's 34 with a steady 23 mph wind that is blowing the snow around like crazy.

The view (if you can call it a view) from my office window

This short video (in which you can see my reflection) shows how tall buildings cause it to snow upward.  You can also get an idea of what the wind is doing.

Last night I watched The Conjuring for the second time.  I wondered if it would be as creepy at home as it was at the theater, and it didn't disappoint.  I didn't jump as much as I had at the theater, but it was still a really well-executed horror movie.  I love horror stories, always have.  I remember in elementary school we used to have a section of the library that had all these books about ghosts, vampires, and werewolves; and I checked out every single one of them.  Even though I've always loved reading and watching horror stories, that doesn't mean I didn't get creeped out.  I had one particular book (I owned this one) where the stories were so scary that just seeing the picture on the front of the book was enough to keep me up at night.  So I used to hide it under my bookshelf so I wouldn't inadvertently see the cover while I was trying to fall asleep.

When it comes to horror stories I have a couple of very specific genres that I enjoy.  I'll watch/read pretty much anything with vampires, werewolves, or zombies.  But I do not like slasher horror films.  I guess I enjoyed Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street when I was a teenager, but I never liked watching the more realistic-looking slasher films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Saw.  I don't like to see people get hurt.  If it looks really campy and cheesy it doesn't really bother me, but if it looks even remotely real I just have no interest in watching it.  (I don't like to watch fighting either, I just really don't like to see people getting hurt).

What I've always really loved is a good psychological thriller type of horror that really gets under one's skin.  The Ring, The Exorcist, The Omen, and The Others are some of my favorites that I tend to re-watch (maybe too often).  Apparently there's just something about giving myself the heebie-jeebies that I've always enjoyed; maybe it's the adrenaline rush and it just manifests differently in me.  At any rate, I slept about as well as I usually do last night, which is to say not very well, but I didn't feel particularly scared, so I think it was just normal insomnia issues.  But this morning when I went out at 4:30 for a brisk walk along the creek that runs behind our house where there are no streetlights, I was thinking about the movie and I did feel just a little anxious.  Obviously I highly recommend the movie for anyone else out there who enjoys a good scare now and then.  Just don't blame me if you get a little more freaked-out than you were bargaining for!

Choosing to be Grateful...Again

At one point I had planned to write a whole series of posts about things that I'm grateful for.  I got three done and it's been over a year since the last one.  So, time to start...again.

Today I wanted to take a moment to express some gratitude for my in-laws.  I know not everyone has this experience, but my mother- and father-in-law are absolutely wonderful.  They're very supportive without being overbearing.  My husband and I were just mentioning that we wanted to plan a long weekend this summer to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary, and they asked if they could keep the kids.  I don't think we've ever paid for a babysitter between my parents, my parents-in-law, my brother and my brother-in-law.

My in-laws with their grandkids

 I'm also really grateful for my brother's wife.  I remember when I first met her I thought no way could anyone be that nice and happy all the time.  But she really is.  She's a wonderful antidote for the sometimes gloomy personalities that populate my family.  She's also a wonderful mother to my nephew, and a great friend to me.  She's expecting and I can't wait to meet my next niece or nephew this summer!

My brother's family, dogs included!

I definitely think that I need to take the time more often to appreciate all the wonderful people that are in my life; I really am very fortunate!

Weekly Weigh-In

I was actually pretty excited about the weigh-in this week since the scale had been sitting at 132.2 from Thursday through Saturday (I guess it's time to up the intensity of the exercise since it wasn't going down), and then I stood on the scale this morning and it read 133.5.  I'm actually not terribly disappointed since it's down from last week, just not as excited as I otherwise would have been.  My husband told me it's probably just because the delicious french onion soup with spare ribs and Gruyere cheese he made us last night for dinner had so much salt.  So we'll see if the high sodium just caused some water weight retention when I weigh myself tomorrow morning.

Even though the weight isn't coming off as fast as I'd like it to be, I was pleasantly surprised by something different this week  I'm actually starting to feel more comfortable with what I’m seeing in the mirror.  I clearly need to make better choices with food, but I am exercising at least 6 days per week, many weeks it's every day, and the exercise is making me stronger and fitter.  I actually have some muscle definition and I'm feeling much less self-conscious.  This isn't about just a destination of a goal weight.  I've been there before and it's not a destination, it's something that requires constant maintenance.  This is about making good choices and being healthy.  So even if it takes me longer to reach the weight I'm aiming for, I think I am getting healthier which is what is truly important.

It's an absolutely beautiful day here in Colorado.  We can have pretty extreme and rapid weather changes here and this weekend is no exception.  On Friday night, my son and I went to the Mother-Son event hosted by his elementary school.  It was fun to get to spend some time together and the PTA made pinterest-worthy snacks.  The theme was olympics and the snacks were medals and olympic torches.  The medals were crafted by using fruit-by-the-foot snacks and oreos; and the torches were ice-cream cones filled with cheetos.  Very clever.  Since we live so close to the school and the parking is a nightmare, we always walk to these events.  So my son and I walked home through a fresh snow fall, everything was draped in white and it was so serene and quiet, and very beautiful.

Fast-forward two days later and most of the snow has melted and it's supposed to reach 70 degrees today.  My in-laws have asked us to go for a walk with them this afternoon to get ice cream.  So I've carefully figured out my calories for the day and I'm going to have a very small portion.  At least we're walking the 2 1/2 miles each way, that certainly helps.

My little man with the snow-capped peaks in the background

The other thing I'm terribly excited about this morning is that I actually saw some green, spring really is on it's way soon!

I think I need to clean out my flower beds!