Weekly Progress Report # 17

I never thought I would be so excited just to maintain my weight.  With the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I was actually very pleased this morning to have held my own.  Hopefully next week I can actually make some progress again.

Weight:  139.7 pounds

It's cold here today.  It was 45 degrees when I looked at the thermometer this morning, but within about an hour it dropped to below 20.  So I'm spending the evening in my festive, cozy house with a fire in my decorated fireplace.

Festive and Relaxing

I love long weekends.  All day yesterday I kept thinking that the next day was Sunday, so when I finally realized that the next day was only Saturday, I was elated.  There's just something so wonderful about having extra time at home with my family.  I'm really enjoying relaxing in our now festive home, this is just what I've needed!

I tried to sleep in this morning, especially since I went to bed late (well, for me) last night and had a headache that lasted well into the night.  When I awoke around 1:00 it was still going strong.  But my head is mostly back to normal this morning, and I got to watch the most beautiful sunrise.  It started off as just a little color, but got more intense as I sat here.  Now it's faded again, but it was a pleasure to watch.

We got our house all decorated for the holidays yesterday.  We don't have our tree yet since we're going to get one from a local nursery, so we have to wait until closer to Christmas, but everything else is ready for the season.

I've said this before, so forgive me for repeating myself.  2014 has been a hard year for my family.  My brother and his wife lost a baby half way through the pregnancy, far enough in that she had to go through labor and delivery.  She delivered a beautiful, perfectly formed baby boy who had died because his umbilical cord got twisted and pinched off.  Then less than a month later, my dad died unexpectedly.  My son's ADHD has become more difficult to manage, we assume because he's just starting puberty which changes his brain chemistry.  My husband and I hit 40 this year, and I know this doesn't seem like a huge deal, but my eyebrows have started to disappear.  It makes me look weird.  I've never really worn makeup before, but this year I've had to start filling in my brows every day.  It's just all added up to a great deal of stress, and a very trying time.  So I'm really looking forward to the holiday season and just being able to focus on my family and enjoying special time together.  I'm hoping that this will reset things for us and we can start to create a new normal, and that 2015 will be a better year.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  I haven't been posting much lately because I just haven't felt like it, hopefully I'll start feeling more like posting again soon.  I've just really been focusing on spending time with and enjoying my family.  We had a very nice Thanksgiving today, and I hope you all did too.

I had to share this picture of the waxing Thanksgiving moon behind the bare trees that looks so much like a Cheshire Cat grin.

It's now officially time to start anticipating Christmas (for those of us who celebrate it).  We're going to do our decorating tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to a festive home!

No Progress Report

I forgot to weigh myself yesterday, so I don't have an update on my weight for the week.  Although I don't really think it matters because I don't think I made any progress anyway.  Sigh...

We had a busy, but nice weekend.  My daughter was selected to be in the district honor band so we got to watch her perform on Saturday.  It was actually a much better concert to watch than any of the others we've gone to since these were all the best kids from each middle school.  Then the high school honor band played, and they were phenomenal!

The real reason that I didn't remember to weigh myself and get a post written was because I started reading the new Stephen King book, Revival.  I was much more restrained than I had been in the past as the book was released back on November 11th, and I didn't finish it until today.  I made myself practice some delayed gratification this time as I was reading a book about ADHD to continue helping my son, so I didn't really start it until last Friday.  I did manage to clean my house, do the dishes, attend my daughter's concert, get some laundry done, take my son to breakfast, and walk a 5K (plus some) with my daughter this weekend.  That really must mean that I'm growing up some, since in the past when a new Stephen King book came out, I was useless for the entire weekend.

Things seem to be smoothing out a little for our family right now, which is good because I couldn't handle much more of the way things had been.  I'm sure we're not out of the woods yet, as I've come to believe that never really happens permanently for anyone.  My parents and my in-laws are done raising their children, but I see how difficult their lives can be sometimes with aging parents, worry about their children (still, and always), and the loss of a spouse.  So I guess I just need to get better at dealing with adversity, instead of continuing to hope in vain that it will ever go away.

We were supposed to get snow this weekend, which I was really looking forward to, but it didn't really materialize.  We did have a light dusting of snow when I woke up Sunday morning, but most of it disappeared about 2 minutes after the sun came up.  Even the snow in the shade was gone within about an hour of sunrise.  I hope we do get some real snow soon, because once everything turns brown, it's much prettier under a mantle of white.  We did get some graupel this afternoon which was pretty cool with the sunshine.

We've had some beautiful sunrises and sunsets lately.  These pictures are from this morning when the sun was shining on the Flatirons.

This picture was from the other night just as the sun was going down.

Autumn Ending

So I realized that yesterday I wrote that my daughter was a contentious student.  Obviously what I intended to write was that she is a conscientious student.  So...that's what happens when you combine auto-correct with rushing; now you know!  Those are two totally different words with very different meanings, and just to clarify, my daughter is not a contentious student!

Anyway, today when I was walking my son home from school, I noticed that autumn really is drawing to a close.  Everything is turning brown now, and drying up.  You can see the last of our snow on the hill in the background of the second photo.  We're supposed to get more snow on Sunday, so I'm excited for that.

I'm actually sort of thankful that this year is nearing it's end.  There were so many milestones that I was looking forward to celebrating this year, and it actually turned out to be a very difficult and kind of cruddy year.  I'm really working on making the holidays joyous and special this year so we can end 2014 on a high note.  We're a family who normally waits a week or so after Thanksgiving before we start decorating for Christmas, but not this year.  This year we're going to decorate our house on Friday!

Children and a Few Photos

My family has been on a bit of a roller coaster lately.  Yesterday morning we attended a breakfast at my daughter's school to celebrate all of the students who were nominated as Student of the Month by their teachers for the first quarter of school.  This is the second time we've attended this breakfast for my daughter.  She is a hard worker and a very contentious student.  My son has been having a terrible time lately with his ADHD.  I was actually worried that maybe he had been misdiagnosed and had a more serious problem than we realized.  But we've continued to read and everything that's been happening is actually "normal" with a certain type of ADHD.  So that has been extra challenging, but the past 24 hours have been fantastic, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts, and trying to figure it how to make it continue.

My husband and I went for a walk the other night and I just loved this scene.  I was wishing that I had my real camera and tripod, but since we were walking, I was stuck with the phone camera.

This morning I happened to turn away from my computer screen and look out the window, and I captured this beautiful pink sunrise from my downtown high rise window (again with the phone camera)

.
This afternoon when I was driving home I noticed the pond near our house looked very wintry with some ice and and snow still covering it.  So as soon as I got home I grabbed my camera and went right back to capture a few photos.

I hope you're all having a good week!

Cold Beauty

It is a beautiful, if cold and windy, evening tonight.  I am so grateful to be cozy and warm inside my house looking at this lovely view.

Sunset behind the trees blowing in the wind

The snow is really sticking around this time

Personality Traits

How do you want others to describe you?  I know how I'd like to be described, though I doubt that anyone who really knows me would describe me this way.  I'd like people to say that I'm kind, authentic, and possess equanimity.  (Equanimity:  mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.)  I might get the kind and authentic labels, but I don't possess equanimity.

I come from a long line of people with short and explosive tempers.  But just because it's genetically coded and environmentally taught, doesn't mean that I have to choose to react the same way.  I would like to respond more calmly and unemotionally.  I would like to serenely take things in and objectively decide the best course of action.  Unfortunately right now my first reaction is generally incredulity and anger, before I respond in an appropriate way.  I think I do a decent job of projecting a certain level of calm, but I'm certainly not feeling it internally.

The words that people who know me probably would apply to me are words like strong, brave, and driven.  When I was in college I participated in ROTC for one semester.  (Until they told me I was getting a full-ride scholarship which would have meant active duty instead of reserves, so I quit.)  One of the sergeants (who was from the south) once told me that I was "harder than woodpecker lips."  My dad told me one time that there was a core of steel inside of me, and that I was pretty easy to get along with until you hit that core, then I was implacable.

My dad bought my son a magnet several years ago with a John Wayne quote on it that says, "courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."  I tend to agree with that definition (though I like a slightly less western version), and I guess I am pretty courageous in some areas of my life.  I'm scared to death that I'm not equipped to raise my son.  But I keep reaching out for help, reading everything I can get my hands on about his issue, and wading in every day to work with him.  I'm frightened that being authentic and putting myself out in the world to be judged will result in admonishment and insults.  But I keep doing it anyway.  So I guess there are some personality traits that I possess that are helpful, even if I don't value them as much as the traits I don't have.

I heard a sermon once about true forgiveness with a GPS as an analogy.  It doesn't matter how many wrong turns you make or how lousy you might be at following directions, the GPS just recalculates and gives you new directions.  Because all that matters to the GPS is reaching the destination.  I wish I could be more like that with my fellow human beings, since I know that we're all wrestling with our own demons.  I guess I have more to work on than just my weight, which is probably good, because after all; what would the point of life be without goals?

Weekly Progress Report #15

One day while riding the elevator at work (no, I can't take the stairs because there's no electronic door lock to get onto the 23rd floor from the stairwell) I saw a news report that motivation is stronger earlier in the week.  I tried to Google it and didn't have any luck finding the study again.  It's definitely true in my case.  I was doing really well early this week and was losing some weight.  Then on Thursday I sort of fell of the wagon, having both lunch and dinner out and not making great choices.  I do this to myself all the time, and erase the progress I made early in the week.  Maybe knowing this will help me to set up different situations later in the week to finally do something about this.

139.7 pounds

It's finally sunny again here, which is nice.  I enjoy the overcast, snowy days; but too many in a row start to effect my mood.

Snow covered mountains

Sun on the snow

Sparkly snow on the deck

High School Headache

It's another cold, snowy, winter-like day here in Denver.  Yesterday was the warmest day of the week with a high of about 38 degrees.  I actually love this weather, I just wish I could stay home when it was like this.  I was thinking the other day that I wish we had a more Victorian model where we would just stay indoors when the weather was bad.  But then I realized that was only for the wealthy, everyone else had to go work in the weather, so it probably wouldn't help me anyway!

It's been a very busy week.  My daughter will be starting high school next year and we attended a high school information night for the district on Thursday.  Our school district has 5 high schools and they all have specialized programs that kids can apply to.  They also open some of the schools up for choice, or we can just send her to our home high school (which is the only way the district will provide transportation).  Her current teachers want her to go to one specific school, which is where all the upper-middle class parents want their kids to go.  But at the moment she's actually interested in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) program which is conveniently located at our home school.  She's always said those were her least favorite subjects, though she's always been very good at them, winning an award for science student of the year in 6th grade.  In 7th grade she got an award for overall student of the year.  I will admit that since I love those subjects so much, it's making me really happy that she might choose that program.  But I don't want to try to live vicariously through my child, I want her to make the choice that will make her the happiest.

The high school that is on the same campus as her middle school (which isn't our home school, stupid boundaries!) has a very interesting global studies program that prepares kids to be business leaders.  But I knew listening to their spiel that it would not interest my daughter, and I was right.  She has absolutely ruled that program out.  But she still isn't 100% sure as there are other programs like the IB (International Baccalaureate) program that she may be interested in.  It feels almost like choosing a college and a major...for 13-year olds.  Most 18-year olds don't really know what they want to do with the rest of their lives (heck, some 60-year olds still aren't sure!).  This wasn't what high school was like when I went.  But I told her that even if she decided to apply to the bioengineering STEM program, she could still major in English in college if that's what she decided when the time came.  These programs can give students a leg up, but they don't have to define these kids for the rest of their lives.

It's hard to believe that we're at this stage in our lives.  It seems like such a short time ago when we were talking about starting a family.  High school makes me a little nervous, because she'll be so busy with school work and extracurricular activities, that I know we'll see much less of her.  Then it'll only be four short years once high school starts that she'll be moving away to attend college.  For the time being she said she wants to stay in state, so hopefully we'll still get to see her on a regular basis.  I guess this is one part of parenting that no one can really prepare you for; the letting go.  But that is still 4 1/2 years away, so I can make sure to focus on her and enjoy her company for now.

Transition

I really liked this view this afternoon.  It reminded me of transitions:  Fall to winter and afternoon to evening.

We're still stuck in our deep freeze here.  This morning the thermometer showed -7 degrees when I was getting ready to do my workout.

Luckily this morning was weights, tomorrow morning is cardio.  I think I'll be on my elliptical inside!

Deep Freeze Repeat

It's extremely cold again tonight.  We're under a wind chill advisory because the temperature can feel as cold as -25 degrees overnight tonight.

Our evergreen looks very festive though, and it's really helping me to start anticipating the holidays.  You can even see the falling snow flakes reflecting in the flash.

I haven't written much lately because I'm going through a very difficult time, and complaining about it endlessly does no one any good, especially not me.  Though it's hard to write about anything else right now.  So hopefully you're enjoying our snow pictures without having to deal with the frigid temperatures wherever you're at!

Brrr!

It's cold here in Denver.  I just looked at the thermometer and saw 10 degrees (Fahrenheit).  Which is also supposed to be the high tomorrow.

Last night it was cold enough to have our first fire of the season.

Today we're getting a light snow and it feels very wintry.

Ragged

We've had a wonderfully Colorado-like day today.  This morning when I went for a walk it was a comfortable 50 degrees and the stars were shining bright.  Then as the sun rose there was beautiful color on the clouds over the mountains, and the waning moon was peeking out behind the barren trees.  Then this afternoon, the cold arctic air moved down and we finally have our first snow of the season!

That spot on the right-hand side of the last picture that looks like a flaw is a falling snowflake.  As I type this it's starting to come down faster.  It's rather unusual to get our first snow this late in the season, but it's not that strange to have such a drastic temperature drop of over 30 degrees since this morning.

As much as I'm enjoying the weather, I am feeling rather ragged today.  I ended up taking sick time from work so I could rest some today.  Last night was a doozy with my son, and I was emotionally worn out and physically exhausted since I couldn't really sleep.  I need to be at my best to help him through everything, but if I can't even take care of my basic needs like sleep, it doesn't leave much for him.

I'm hoping that when I pick him up today he'll be as excited for the snow as I am and in a good mood since tomorrow is Veteran's Day and the kids don't have school.  Our family needs a better evening and some time to recuperate.

Weekly Progress Report #14

Pretty bad news on the weight front this week.  I went on a business trip to San Francisco and didn't make very good food choices.  Then my kids stayed with their grandparents this weekend (my mom on Friday night and my in-laws on Saturday night) and my husband and I spent the weekend together, much of it eating.  So my weight is actually the highest it's been since 2010, and only 9 pounds lighter than my heaviest non-pregnancy weight ever.

Weight:  140.9 pounds

I actually had to adjust the axis values on my chart in order to show this weight.  Ugh!

I'm still struggling to figure out exactly what was so different in my mind-set back in 2011 when I was like a machine and never ate more than I should and lost 35 pounds in 3 1/2 months.  My work situation is rather stressful now, but it was then too, if in a different way.  I still have my family's support like I did then.  Back then I was originally motivated by a doctor telling my dad he wouldn't feel better if he didn't take care of himself.  Now I've seen my dad die as a result of not taking care of himself, so that should be completely sufficient motivation.

The only thing I can think of that is different, is that while I knew intellectually that getting back down to a healthy weight wouldn't fix every problem in my life; I wonder if deep down I still really thought it would.  Of course it didn't fix every issue, and maybe since now I truly know that on every level, I'm just not feeling like it's important enough.  But I want to feel better, and look better, and the only way to do that is to drop now about 16 pounds.

So I'm not giving up, and I'm going to keep holding myself accountable.  I will fully admit that I didn't want to post this today, or just call my weight 140 again so I didn't have to increase the upper value of the chart axis.  But that wouldn't have been honest, and I can't make real progress without being honest.

So, this week begins yet ANOTHER course correction, in hopes that I can make some real, sustained progress towards my goal weight of 125 pounds.

In the meantime, it's another beautiful autumn day here in Denver.  We're supposed to get really cold this week and maybe finally get some snow!

Most of the trees are bare now.

Some of the last fall color.

The only snow I've seen yet this season is up in the mountains!

Home Again

I'm back from San Francisco.  I couldn't believe how wonderful the weather was while we were there.  I wish I could have gotten out more during the day, but that wasn't to be.  During the hours of sunlight I was in the Moscone Center with no windows.  But thanks to the extremely mild and comfortable weather we were able to get out and walk around in the evenings.  Which is good, because even trying to watch my portions and walking on the hilly SF streets, I still managed to put weight back on this week away from home.

I came home to very warm weather also.  It's already November 7th and it still hasn't snowed yet which is very unusual.  We've still got flowers blooming amidst the fallen leaves.

The colorful part of autumn is waning now, with most of the trees either bare or hanging with dry, brown leaves.  Our maple tree still looks pretty good though as it was one of the last trees to turn.

There's always a part of me that mourns a little at this time of year, when everything starts to turn brown.  It's the end of another cycle and causes me to want to pause and take stock.  Then the snow starts to fly and everything is covered in its winter whites which is simply beautiful.  One of the things that I truly appreciate about photography is how aware it causes me to be of the cycle of nature.