Kinda Over It

I apologize for not posting again for so long. I am having a really hard time right now, and don't want to dump on the blog that's supposed to be about choosing how I react to things. My son has had some really good moments over the last few weeks, and he's had some really bad moments. I'm just...exhausted. I'm tired of never knowing what I'm going to have to deal with from moment to moment. I think most working mothers know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see the school's phone number on your caller ID. I still get that feeling, but I've also reached a point where I just expect to see it and I've become somewhat calloused. I expected parenting to be challenging, but I guess I never expected so much uncertainty. At least my daughter just always does what she needs to do, so I don't have to deal with these issues on two fronts.

I'm also seriously over the snow here. I saw a news article that stated the average last snow in Colorado is on April 26th, although it's been in early May for the past several years. I like snow, and I don't like really hot weather. But all the poor flowers are a mess right now. I wouldn't even care if it was overcast and rainy, the relentless spring snow is just adding to my mood problems right now.

I was so excited earlier this week when the lilacs were really starting to look pretty. These pictures are from last Wednesday (our last nice day).

These pictures are from this morning.

I think for awhile I kept hoping that we'd have some breakthrough with my son, and that things would start to steadily get better. But I no longer think that's how all of this is going to play out. I think with time and maturity he'll improve. But I think it's going to be very gradual and non-linear. I need to get my head around the new "normal" and stop thinking this is just an interlude in my life. On a positive note, this past Thursday was Bring Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. My son did wonderfully the entire day, especially considering how many meetings I ended up having that day. So now I wonder if everyone at work thinks I'm making all of this up!

Here are a few more recent photos you might enjoy. If I can ever figure out how to choose a healthier reaction to my son's issues I'll try to start posting more regularly again.

Our tree with the sunny sky.

Our tree as the storm was moving in.

Back on the Treadmill

I am literally back on the treadmill in the mornings since we got about 14 inches of snow this weekend. Friday afternoon it started to get overcast and rainy.

Overnight on Friday it started to snow, and it kept up until early Sunday afternoon. We were very lucky and didn't lose any branches, but as I was driving to work this morning I saw that lots of others weren't so lucky.

Gotta love springtime in Colorado!

Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Spring

It has been beautiful here this week, and it is definitely starting to look like spring. I've loved seeing all the sights, listening to the birds and insects, and smelling the trees in bloom. Every morning when I walk it just smells so good outside. I'm just worried that some of the tender blooms might get killed this weekend, since this is our current forecast:

Yep, we're supposed to either get lots of rain, or a blizzard. For the moment, the forecast is leaning towards "winter storm." I wish we'd gotten all of this snow this past winter, instead of it being so darn dry all winter, and then dumping snow on us this spring.

I saw lots of beautiful blooms when I was walking yesterday afternoon, and I definitely don't want to see these ruined this weekend. Especially since it happened last year and the fruit tree yields were dismal last season, so we're hoping for better yields this season.

I apologize if any of these are out focus, there was a rather brisk wind and it was hard to focus since the branches kept moving.

I realize these are "weeds", but they're still pretty.

The lilacs haven't bloomed quite yet, but they're almost here!

We're still going through lots of ups and downs with my son. I had thought things were stabilizing, but then yesterday was pretty awful again. This is not what I thought parenting would be like. I thought I knew how to handle kids and while we'd have our frustrations, it wouldn't be more than we could handle. But it may actually be more than we can handle. Realistically we may reach a point where we have to send our son to get help from someone better equipped to handle his issues than we are. I never imagined that I've ever have to consider that. This has been a humbling experience, and I'm much less judgmental of other parents than I used to be. I wasn't overly judgmental before, but it existed as some level. Now I know that the vast majority of people are doing the best they can and I just want to support everyone who is struggling because I truly understand how difficult it can be.

The Money Pit

Some of my readers may remember the Tom Hanks movie The Money Pit from 1986. Now, I haven't had any bathtubs fall through the floor, but I have spent an inordinate amount of money on my house this week. The one positive is that we have a savings account for household upgrades and repairs, although it's seriously depleted at the moment.

It all started with a sprinkler system. For the 13 years that we've lived in this house we've hauled hoses across the yard, hooked them up to sprinkler heads, and had to be around to get all of the watering completed (yeah, total first-world problem). So we've been saving and decided that this spring we'd get a sprinkler system installed. We got a couple of quotes and decided to go with the company who told us our water pressure was a little low so we should have a plumber out to look at that.

I asked my husband to talk with the plumbers about our water heater while they were out. About 10 years ago we got a tankless water heater installed, and it was wonderful. Then about 8 years ago the plumbing company (which is no longer in business) told us they could make our home really energy efficient by putting in an air-handler and setting up a heat exchange system instead of having a furnace. They told us it was new technology. What they failed to tell us was that it was using a water heater in a way it had never been intended to be used. We've had problems with having enough water pressure to keep the tankless water switched on ever since when we're doing dishes or showering.

So the plumbing company came out to increase our water pressure, and broke the news to us that we really need a boiler (which is really expensive) if we're using a heat exchange system. Also, since we'd been essentially overworking the water heater all those years, it was nearing the end of its life. That meant a new furnace and a new water heater. I put my foot down at a new air conditioner; we told them they could just service the existing unit. When they installed the new water heater, we were reminded about an improperly wired outlet. We knew about that one before, but it hadn't mattered for a long time. So then the electrician had to come out and fix that.

Now we're finally getting the sprinkler system installed, after spending significantly more money than we'd ever planned on; and now I'm feeling like I'd rather rent again! My husband keeps trying to comfort me by reminding me that there shouldn't be anything else in the house that will break any time soon. I sure hope he's right!!

Spring has arrived!

We've had beautiful weather here all week and everything is starting to turn green and bloom.

From a walk while my daughter was at her piano lesson.

Spiky tulip in my front yard.

Crab-apple blossoms

My neighbor's pretty tulips.

This tree is in my back yard, but I can never remember what it's called.

 

Ducks on the creek.

A tree root and a dandelion.

My son jumping on the trampoline at his piano teacher's house. He wouldn't let me take a picture of his face.

It's nice to be able to get outside regularly again. I've been able to walk outside every other morning this week (alternate days are weights) without fear of falling on hidden ice. Spring break is just about over for my family, so it's back to getting everyone up and ready next week. I guess quiet mornings will be one thing I can look forward to when my kids grow up and move out, as a consolation for no longer having them around.

I hope you're enjoying lovely spring weather wherever you are also!

Springtime in My Yard

It's finally starting to look like spring here in Denver. The temperature rose to 75 degrees Fahrenheit today and I had to change into cooler clothes when I got home from work. My family is on spring break this week, so I don't have to worry about anyone but myself in the morning all week. It's not as good as having the week off also, but it's still a little break for me.

My yard is starting to bloom and it's a real pleasure to be outside again.

Our first daffodil.

Pretty, delicate bluish-purple flowers.

Several tulips are about ready to bloom, but this one beat the others to it.

Choke cherry blossoms.

Leafing out.

A busy bee in the cherry tree.

 I'm hoping that things will start to get better in my home with the change of the seasons. But if not, at least I'll be able to spend more time outside so I'll at least feel better.