Fall is (finally) in the air!

While it's officially been Autumn for about 5 days, our weather hasn't really been in sync with the calendar. I read in the news today that we had the hottest September on record in Denver. So this afternoon when it clouded over, got windy, and the temperature dropped below 80 degrees, it made me feel very happy. The extended forecast is finally calling for mid-seventies to low eighties, with a high of 60 next Saturday. I think the plants are as grateful for the temperature change as I am; they're all looking a bit bedraggled due to the excessive heat.

Spectacular Saturday

Today has been an absolutely fabulous day. We watched my daughter march her first show this morning. My husband (who was also in marching band in high school so knows more about this) said it was obvious that it's early in the season and the kids haven't had much time to practice yet. But overall I thought they looked and sounded pretty good again. This type of show is much more challenging than just straight marching in a parade which is all we'd seen them do until this morning.

After the marching show we headed up into the mountains and chose the absolute best weekend to get up and see the colors. The sky was a beautiful blue and the golden aspen shimmered in the sunlight.

My family in front of an aspen grove. My son wasn't too pleased to be getting his picture taken.

My girl.

My son climbing a hill which turned out to be easier to get up than it was to get down.

Since we were up near Idaho Springs, we decided to stop and have dinner at Beau Jo's. They're famous for a style of pizza they call mountain pies with a thick crust. They bring honey to the table and you put it on your pizza crust for dessert. As we were headed back down the nearly full moon rose behind the mountains.

Now we're back home and my husband is indulging my rule of only horror movies from the start of autumn until Halloween. All and all it's been one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Autumn is Officially Here!

Today is the autumnal equinox and I'm super excited! This is my favorite time of year and I finally get to read October Dreams II. I'll probably also reread October Dreams, and of course The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

Today also marks the start of being able to watch horror movies exclusively until Halloween. I watch horror movies all year long, but I don't even have to compete with other movies this time of year.

I'm hoping that we can get up to the mountains this weekend because some of the trees have starting changing colors already at the higher altitudes. It's sort of challenging right now because my daughter has a band event every single Saturday. But this coming Saturday they're doing an exhibition rather than competing in the event, so they'll be done by noon. So right now anyway, my plan is to head up into the hills after the performance (and a shower for my daughter). I'll be sure to post photos of Colorado's high country if we do indeed get up there this weekend.

Early Morning Walks

Picture of Venus this morning. Please excuse the quality, it was taken with my phone camera and no tripod. You can sort of see the tree in the right foreground.

While I do not, and don't believe I ever will, enjoy getting up at 4:15 in the morning, I do like walking at that time of the morning. It is always so quiet and somnolent, well at least from a human perspective. Much of the local wildlife is more active at that time. I get to see rabbits frolicking every morning. I've seen raccoons, foxes, coyotes, and even skunks (though I could probably do without those last animals). I've watched owls flying silently past me. I've heard lots of other critters scurrying in the underbrush. The other morning I heard a pack of coyotes yipping in the distance. The sound of the crickets is practically the soundtrack for that time of the morning.

I nearly always hear the train whistle blowing in the distance. I often hear the wind in the leaves, and feel the gentle breeze as I walk. The sky has been clear pretty much every morning recently, so I've had amazing views of the stars and constellations. Venus has been exceptionally bright lately, and this morning was at the apex of its brightness.

While there's a big part of me that would rather be asleep in bed, the silver lining in this particular cloud is getting to be outdoors enjoying nature in near solitude. There are a few houses in the neighborhood with lights on, but the vast majority are still dark when I walk. It's one of the only times I can truly feel alone outdoors in my suburban neighborhood. I occasionally see another walker or jogger, and they usually have a headlamp on. While I get the safety concerns (the creek that runs behind our house is dark, especially when the trees are leafed out and there's no moon), I don't want to interrupt nature and destroy my night vision so I avoid them as much as possible on the rare occasion when I see someone else.

So while I end up operating on less sleep than I would prefer, I am grateful for my early morning walks. When I get a chance to sleep in, I'm much more likely to get on my treadmill rather than go outside because it's just not as magical to walk when everyone else is out and about too.

Signs of Change

My chrysanthemums don't look great yet, but we're heading into that time of year when they're going to be absolutely stunning.

I'm one of those people who enjoys summer, but by the end I'm tired of the heat and ready for it to end. I enjoy summer, but I love fall, so I'm really starting to get excited that the official start is just three days away. I'm finally going to be able to read the book I got for either Christmas or my birthday (I can't even remember which now), October Dreams II. The first October Dreams anthology is one of my favorites, so I'm super excited about this one, but didn't want to read it at the wrong time of year.

I thought I'd do a quick check-in as it's been a few days since my last post. I've been spending a great deal of time with my kiddos this weekend. Friday night my daughter's band was marching at the football game and my husband and I got invited to spend some time with some friends. While I would have enjoyed hanging out with our friends and sipping some wine, my son asked me to stay with him for the evening. So we watched a movie, played some video games, and went for a walk. 

The next morning my husband and I rode our bikes over to watch my daughter march in a community parade. This was the second the week in a row that they marched in a parade and did really well both times. Then my husband headed out to a concert and the kids and I hung out and I made pizza for us. Work has been super busy lately with a pretty important board meeting coming up, so it was a real treat to just unplug and spend some time with my family this weekend.

Managing My Expectations

I need to stop expecting things to go as planned. I've attempted to drive my son to the bus stop three times on days I've been working from home since he started middle school. The first time I sort of forgot that the dealership had my new truck because they were repainting the hood due to a scratch. That morning I actually had to run with my son to the bus stop when it occurred to me that I didn't actually have a vehicle in the garage with which to take him. The second time our garage door broke so I couldn't get my truck out. Luckily that happened when my son was getting the recycling bins out, so it was early enough that he could still leave to walk at his regular time. Then this morning I thought, everything will surely go smoothly and I'll actually be able to drive him to the bus stop. But it was not to be. My daughter called me in a panic because she forgot to take her flute with her to school. She has three hours of band classes, so this is a legitimate problem. There was a part of me that wanted to just tell her no and teach her a lesson. But firstly, she's a very responsible child and rarely does things like this; and secondly, I feel slightly responsible for this happening. Last night her flute was in the middle of the living room floor, so I moved it and I think she didn't see it with her school items to remember to grab it. One could argue that it's still her responsibility to remember everything she needs for school, but I personally would forget things for work if they weren't in/near my work bag, so I can't hold her too accountable for that. So the end result was that I had to drive the nearly half hour to my daughter's school and drop her flute off, and my son had to walk to the bus stop.

I've learned the hard way that if I don't manage my expectations, I get significantly more upset and frustrated than necessary. If I do manage my expectations, and plan for unintended events, I tend to handle those events much more calmly and with more equanimity. When I plan for things not to go as planned, I tend to make contingency plans and allow more time and leeway. Therefore I respond in a much healthier and more productive manner. I don't know why I need to keep re-learning this lesson. One would think that now that I'm in my early 40s I'd have a better handle on this, but it seems that I do need to keep rediscovering this about myself. Maybe this will be the time it'll stick!

I had an epiphany this morning that I should be applying this mindset to my weight-loss attempts also. If I know that my eating isn't going to go as planned, I can make contingency plans and prepare myself mentally to make difficult choices, which would hopefully lead to more success over time. I may have mentioned a time or two how much I love tea. One of the perks at my job is Celestial Seasonings tea bags in our kitchen. Celestial Seasonings is a Boulder, CO-based company and they give tours of their factory where everyone comments on the mint tea room and the strong smell. They also place quotes on the tabs on their tea bags. The quote on my tea bag yesterday was from Goethe: "Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless." This is really something I've been thinking about with my food choices. While occasional treats don't cause problems, when those occasions become more frequent, they become choices that impact my long-term weight and health. So once again, I'm using all of this and working on my mind-set to set myself up for success which has thus far eluded me.

Speaking of managing my expectations, we're starting to see some color and some leaves on the ground. But the weather forecasters have already started to prepare all of us that due to the type of spring we had this year, (extremely wet) we probably won't have much color this fall. So I'll just try to enjoy what we do get and not expect a repeat of last fall which was simply beautiful here.

Working on Positivity

Phone camera photo of a Rose of Sharon bush I saw while walking with my daughter this week.

I've spent this past week really making an effort to choose to be positive and get myself into a healthier and more productive head space. I know this is like choosing the proper diet which means changing the way you eat for the rest of your life, and so it will be on ongoing and continual work-in-progress. I do feel good about how this week has gone; I really feel like I’m making some progress in dealing more appropriately and effectively with my stress, and in being more positive in general. Interestingly one of my more difficult work colleagues was even easier to deal with this week, probably because I approached interactions differently.

Sometimes it feels like there's a message that the universe it trying to get across to me. Or maybe it's just that I notice these things because I'm in the proper mindset? At any rate, I was recently watching an episode of Supernatural (please don't judge my temporary escape and penchant for eye-candy) and heard a Samuel Johnson quote that really made me stop and think about how negative I'd allowed myself to become lately: "Of the blessings set before you make your choice, and be content." I have made choices that have led me to where I am today. While there are some things that I would do differently if I had it to over again (so it's probably a good thing I can't do it over again), those choices led me to my husband and my family, and I wouldn't ever want to change that. So I've been working on appreciating all of the blessings that I do have in my life and trying to approach difficult issues with more patience.

I also read several articles/blog posts and watched a video about choosing to be happy that I am really trying to incorporate into my daily life. I love reading the Zen Habits blog because the main thrust behind the blog is that we should be content with who we are and what we have, and always work to do and be even better. This particular post talked about giving up on the idea of perfection and instead trying to make sure that every day counts. Lifehacker recently ran an article about choosing to be happy and kind in the face of rude behavior.

I watched an interesting video about choosing to be happy on Huffington Post's Good News site, which sounds like it might be part of a series. If you're like me and don't have time to watch videos and prefer to read, here's a synopsis of the main points in the video: There are three words that were identified that we should avoid using because they hinder our happiness.

1. Instead of using "overwhelmed" use "wanted", "in-demand", or "valued."
2. Use "and" instead of "but" to keep the conversation open instead of closing it off. This is one I've known about for a long time and do try to watch.
3. Instead of talking about what we "hate," focus on what we like and enjoy.

I believe I've previously written about a management training class that I once attended where the presenter talked about control and how we should think about interactions to remain positive. He reminded us that we can’t control other people, we can only control ourselves. He sort of blew my mind that day when he said that are actually two things about ourselves we can control in any interaction.

1. How we choose to mentally frame an interaction in our minds.
2. How we choose to respond to that interaction based on our mental framing.

I'd always heard that we choose our reactions, and hearing that first item really helps me to remember to slow down and stop assuming the worst of intentions from others. I know that when I'm stressed, worried, or just generally having a bad day I'm not as nice and I give myself some slack. It helps when dealing with a difficult interaction to think that maybe this other person is having a hard time and the bad treatment isn't personal so I give them some slack.

Obviously I don't have this all figured out, and I know I'll continue to have moments where I totally fail at choosing to be positive. I am making an effort now though to address this issue which is deeply ingrained from my dad's side of the family so is probably both nature and nurture that I'm working against here. The important thing is not giving up and always trying to be the best version of myself that I can be.

On a tangentially related note, I think I may have found a new motivation to lose weight. For the longest time I just really wanted to be thin. Lately I’ve been wanting to be healthy and strong more than just thin. Last night I tried out the pull-up bar that my husband recently installed, and while I had to use a chair because I couldn’t lift my full weight, I still did a pretty decent job. I think I really am getting fitter and stronger. Now if I can manage to lose some weight, I can expose the muscles I've been building and make pull-ups and push-ups easier on myself and more effective. Which would hopefully lead me into a cycle of getting even stronger. So we'll see if this new motivation helps me to stick to my eating plan any better!

Incommunicado

I realize it's been several days since I've posted. We've been busy, though not exceptionally so. I guess I just haven't had too much to say lately. I stopped tracking my weight and calories over a week ago when we went to visit my grandmother in Illinois. I haven't started again. I guess I'm tired of banging my head against a wall, which is what this feels like since I haven't been able to stick to it and lose weight.

I'm sort of giving up on the weight loss right now. I still want to lose about 15 pounds, but I'm taking a different approach for awhile. I've decided I need to focus on making healthy choices and stop worrying about the actual weight until I'm in a better overall head space. I'm not going to stop posting either, but I am going to try to post only when I have something good to say. So the posts will still be coming, just not as frequently as they had been.

My Clerks Moment

If you've ever seen the movie Clerks (and if you haven't, and you have a slightly dark sense of humor, watch it now), you're familiar with the character Dante and his constant refrain of, "I'm not even supposed to be here today." That's how I'm feeling today. Our internet is down at home. I'm hoping it's just the router which is easy to replace, and not the line to the house, which would be a huge deal to fix/replace. We had this happen once before when our neighbor was digging a hole for a new fence post and cut the line. So fingers crossed that our router just died! At any rate, I'm supposed to be working from home today, but obviously that's not a possibility without internet. I feel rather whiny complaining about lack of internet access when I know there are people in the world who don't have access to clean water. But the reality is that in our house, internet is another utility just like water and electricity, and lots of things become problematic without that access.

I got to the bus stop this morning and par for the course with the way things have been going recently, the bus was late. Last night we went to pick up my new truck, which we had left at the dealership while I was out of town so they could repaint the hood since it was scratched when we bought it. They just buffed the area (again, they already tried that once before) and still didn't fix it, even though they had it for five days. I also got a notice from the city that our water will be disconnected if I don't pay our bill. The bill I've already paid (on time), so now I have to call and figure out what happened with that. My son who has already failed to turn in his math homework twice before (and school's only been in session a little over a week) forgot to bring his homework home again last night. My husband has already been in discussions with the teacher about the type of homework she's sending home and what she told the kids about the types of algorithms they can use to solve the problems. I just want to crawl back into bed right now and pull the covers over my head.

None of these things are very big deals, and taken one at a time I wouldn't even be fazed. But right now with everything piling up, I'm struggling to keep a positive attitude. It didn't help that upon returning to work yesterday I got to marinate in the stress everyone is experiencing here right now with the state of our industry in general and our company in particular. Needless to say, I wish I was back on the farm right now! There was no internet there either, but I expected it there.

I was able to get a couple of the pictures off my camera from our trip to share today though.

This picture is of my mom, my grandma, and me. It's a little blurry, my cousin took it and unfortunately didn't hold the camera completely still. But you can see all of us. (Neither my grandma nor my mom color their hair; I hope I get that gene!)

The soybean field behind my grandma's yard.

The barn and bin at my aunt's house, which is the same house where my grandma was born and grew up.

The sunset one evening.

My grandma's old sheep house.

This map shows how close my grandma lives to my uncle and two of my aunts (my mom's other sister lives in Colorado near us).