Working on Positivity

Phone camera photo of a Rose of Sharon bush I saw while walking with my daughter this week.

I've spent this past week really making an effort to choose to be positive and get myself into a healthier and more productive head space. I know this is like choosing the proper diet which means changing the way you eat for the rest of your life, and so it will be on ongoing and continual work-in-progress. I do feel good about how this week has gone; I really feel like I’m making some progress in dealing more appropriately and effectively with my stress, and in being more positive in general. Interestingly one of my more difficult work colleagues was even easier to deal with this week, probably because I approached interactions differently.

Sometimes it feels like there's a message that the universe it trying to get across to me. Or maybe it's just that I notice these things because I'm in the proper mindset? At any rate, I was recently watching an episode of Supernatural (please don't judge my temporary escape and penchant for eye-candy) and heard a Samuel Johnson quote that really made me stop and think about how negative I'd allowed myself to become lately: "Of the blessings set before you make your choice, and be content." I have made choices that have led me to where I am today. While there are some things that I would do differently if I had it to over again (so it's probably a good thing I can't do it over again), those choices led me to my husband and my family, and I wouldn't ever want to change that. So I've been working on appreciating all of the blessings that I do have in my life and trying to approach difficult issues with more patience.

I also read several articles/blog posts and watched a video about choosing to be happy that I am really trying to incorporate into my daily life. I love reading the Zen Habits blog because the main thrust behind the blog is that we should be content with who we are and what we have, and always work to do and be even better. This particular post talked about giving up on the idea of perfection and instead trying to make sure that every day counts. Lifehacker recently ran an article about choosing to be happy and kind in the face of rude behavior.

I watched an interesting video about choosing to be happy on Huffington Post's Good News site, which sounds like it might be part of a series. If you're like me and don't have time to watch videos and prefer to read, here's a synopsis of the main points in the video: There are three words that were identified that we should avoid using because they hinder our happiness.

1. Instead of using "overwhelmed" use "wanted", "in-demand", or "valued."
2. Use "and" instead of "but" to keep the conversation open instead of closing it off. This is one I've known about for a long time and do try to watch.
3. Instead of talking about what we "hate," focus on what we like and enjoy.

I believe I've previously written about a management training class that I once attended where the presenter talked about control and how we should think about interactions to remain positive. He reminded us that we can’t control other people, we can only control ourselves. He sort of blew my mind that day when he said that are actually two things about ourselves we can control in any interaction.

1. How we choose to mentally frame an interaction in our minds.
2. How we choose to respond to that interaction based on our mental framing.

I'd always heard that we choose our reactions, and hearing that first item really helps me to remember to slow down and stop assuming the worst of intentions from others. I know that when I'm stressed, worried, or just generally having a bad day I'm not as nice and I give myself some slack. It helps when dealing with a difficult interaction to think that maybe this other person is having a hard time and the bad treatment isn't personal so I give them some slack.

Obviously I don't have this all figured out, and I know I'll continue to have moments where I totally fail at choosing to be positive. I am making an effort now though to address this issue which is deeply ingrained from my dad's side of the family so is probably both nature and nurture that I'm working against here. The important thing is not giving up and always trying to be the best version of myself that I can be.

On a tangentially related note, I think I may have found a new motivation to lose weight. For the longest time I just really wanted to be thin. Lately I’ve been wanting to be healthy and strong more than just thin. Last night I tried out the pull-up bar that my husband recently installed, and while I had to use a chair because I couldn’t lift my full weight, I still did a pretty decent job. I think I really am getting fitter and stronger. Now if I can manage to lose some weight, I can expose the muscles I've been building and make pull-ups and push-ups easier on myself and more effective. Which would hopefully lead me into a cycle of getting even stronger. So we'll see if this new motivation helps me to stick to my eating plan any better!