Gaining Perspective

I've attended some pretty difficult funerals over the years.  I went to a funeral for a seven-year-old girl at the school where I used to work who died of cancer.  This was before I had children of my own and I remember wondering how her parents were coping with that loss, and if they were feeling conflicted because now they'd be able to focus on their two other children instead of going to doctor's appointments all the time.  I attended a funeral for a 22-year-old young man who I used to babysit after he took his own life.  His parents divorced after this happened, it literally tore apart their lives and they are still trying to put the pieces back together.  I watched my paternal grandmother have to endure the funeral of her son in May of 2007 after he was killed in an accident at work, and her daughter in October of that same year when she died of a particularly nasty form of ALS.  I really don't think it matters how old you are, losing a child isn't something that any of us are prepared for.  I assume if anything ever happened to either of my children that I'd be a completely broken human being and never really be alright again.

I've also attended two funerals for women that I used to work with who died of cancer when their children were very young.  One had a seven-year-old son and a four-year-old daughter.  The other had a five-year-old son and three-year-old twin sons.  These funerals were very hard for multiple reasons.  I thought about their husbands who had lost their partners and now had to figure out how to be single fathers to young children.  I thought about their kids who were going to grow up not knowing the unique and unconditional love that a mother provides.  I thought about the women who I had worked with and gotten to know on both a business and personal level who I would miss.  And of course, it gave me some perspective and made me think, "what if it had been me?  How would my husband cope?  How would my children cope?  How would my parents cope?"  But there was a beautiful moment at one of the funerals when the woman speaking asked the rhetorical question, "why are we here?" and the son of the woman who had died said "because we loved her!"  The woman speaking handled it beautifully and smiled at the little boy and said, "that's right!"  That was why we were there, because she'd touched all of our lives and we all loved her in our own way.

When I think about these issues of life and death it reminds me that I should always try to be appreciative of every moment that I have.  That my concerns about not being able to give enough of myself in all the areas of my life aren't life-threatening.  It also reminds me that love is what matters; the love we share with our families and friends, and the agape love we share with our fellow human travelers.  We can choose to wallow in our own issues, or we can choose to reach out to others and concern ourselves with broader issues.  I hope that everyone I've known who has gone on before me felt loved by me.  I hope that everyone in my life now feels loved.  I really do think it's important every once in awhile to gain a little perspective, lift ourselves out of own issues, and reach out to others.  I suppose that's part of the reason I'm writing in this blog, to let people know they aren't alone and that we can all support and help each other.