Disappointing Weekly Weigh-In

I'm going to be honest and make myself vulnerable again.  I was a bit reluctant to post my weigh-in results this morning since I've gone backwards again.  But I decided hiding isn't the right thing to do.  So this morning when I stood on the scale I was back up to 136.3.

I'm doing well with exercise, my problem is food.   It's not what I'm eating, but how much I'm eating.  I eat almost all healthy food, but a calorie is a calorie. It doesn't matter if I'm eating grilled chicken or pizza, my body still can only use a certain number of calories during the day.  There are some calories that it's easier for my body to use than others, but it still only needs a certain amount.  The problem that I'm having right now is that even when I  know I'm eating due to stress, I'm having a hard time stopping myself.

There's a quote in Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland that I try to keep in mind any time I'm trying to plan anything.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where," said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk," said the Cat.

There are several reasons why I want to lose some weight.  There are the more "noble" reasons:  I want to be healthy and strong.  I want my joints to be a little less achy.  Then there are the vanity reasons:  I want to look good and feel more confident about myself.  I HATE clothes shopping, always have and always will.  But I did find that when I had lost all the weight previously, it wasn't quite as painful.  I still didn't enjoy it, but at least I knew that things would look alright on me instead of looking like a completely different outfit than what I saw on the mannequin.

When I decided to lose weight in 2011, I would have already been at my goal weight by this point, and I had more to lose that time. While I knew intellectually that getting to my goal weight wouldn't solve everything, I think there was an emotional part of me that thought maybe it would fix everything.  Since it obviously didn't, perhaps that's why I'm having a difficult time getting my head back in the game, because I'm not convinced that it's worth the effort.  But then I remind myself that I am worth the effort, and that my health really does matter.

So I need to keep the end in mind and make better choices about my food.  I'm finding it harder to eat the appropriate portions at home because once I start eating I don't want to stop,  and there's food here.   When I'm at work I only have what I brought with me so I'm doing better.  Which is why I'm frequently in pretty good shape on Friday, but then back to the same place on Sunday morning.  

We have evolved a predisposition to over-consume tasty food whenever it is available - and nowadays, tasty food is almost always available.

This is a quote from Bradley Appelhans, an assistant professor at the University of Arizona College of Medicine-Phoenix.  The human brain is amazing, we've managed in a relatively short amount of time to figure out how to effectively feed ourselves, and then some.  It's just too bad evolution doesn't move that fast.  Since I obviously can't get rid of all the food in my house, I'm going to try a new strategy where I prepare all of the food that I plan to eat before I start eating and don't allow myself to get any more food.

Winter doesn't seem to be in a hurry to move on this year.  This was the view from my front door on Saturday morning.

But spring will eventually come and it's harder to hide my body in warm-weather clothes, so I'd better get a move on!