I haven’t posted in quite a while because I’ve been feeling...discontented. I don’t enjoy my own company all that much when I’m whiney, so I didn’t want to impose it on anyone else. I want to clarify a few things here right off the bat. I am fully aware that my problems are “first world problems” and that viewed with the proper perspective, they aren’t such a big deal. Also, I have so much for which to be thankful, most importantly my wonderful and supportive family. Nevertheless, I do still experience feelings and emotions with which I must deal.
I suppose my biggest issue right now is how terribly tired I feel all the time. I have what’s referred to as “sleep maintenance insomnia.” Normally when I first go to bed I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep within about 15 to 20 minutes. But after about 1 ½ to 2 hours I wake up and can’t fall back asleep. I’ve had this problem for about a decade now. I think it may have started after my second child was born, seeing as how he didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 9 months old. Although I probably shouldn’t complain, my mom tells me my brother didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 5 years old! I lack energy most of the time, especially in the afternoons which is my body’s normal rhythmic downtime. Of course lacking energy and feeling exhausted makes me less capable of dealing with the feelings of discontentment that I’ve been experiencing.
I guess it still comes back to choices. Am I going to choose to make the time to write and post even when I'm tired? I'm certainly going to choose to try harder, because I do think it helps when we let each other know that we're not alone, and that other people are experiencing many of the same thoughts, feelings, and daily hassles. So I will try to post more often, even when I'm tired and discontented!
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