My grandparents provided an amazing and persistent example of what love and marriage should look like. Not only did they provide an example of romantic love, they also showed me how to be loving to family and others. My grandfather was so kind and patient, and always positive. My grandmother shows her deep care by the acts she performs for everyone. She is incredibly giving, I remember her sitting up nights with me when I was little and had a charlie horse in my leg, and also feeding me gallons of Schwan's ice cream when I had strep throat. She's also incredibly generous financially to this day.
My grandparents were farmers out in rural Illinois. And I do mean rural Illinois, up until high school I sent their mail to Rural Route 1. (They finally changed to street names so emergency vehicles would have an easier time navigating their roads.) They had 3 children and a 4th on the way when my grandpa got sick with polio. This was Labor Day, 1954, one year before the Salk vaccine was released. He had to be hospitalized and the doctors didn't initially expect him to survive. He exceeded those expectations and lived but had to be placed into an iron lung. Again the doctors thought he'd never be able to come out of that machinery. He surprised them yet again when he learned to gulp air so that he could leave the iron lung. Nearly eight months after he was initially admitted to the hospital he was able to go home with all kinds of specialized equipment. He had a respirator that he needed to wear when he was eating and a bed that see-sawed to make sure he kept breathing. He also went home without the ability to move anything below his neck on his own. He spent the rest of his life as a quadriplegic.
Obviously this new state of affairs didn't fit well with my grandpa's occupation as a farmer. But my grandparents had an amazing support system in their farming community. Their parents were all very close and helped out immensely. Their neighbors also pitched in and made sure that my grandparents didn't lose their livelihood, another amazing example of love. My grandparents worked out an arrangement with their neighbors that my grandpa would do all the research on the newest farming technologies while the neighbors would help take care of their land. He was given an electric typewriter and a special stand was built to hold it so he could type correspondence using a plastic mouthpiece. He typed the bulletin for their church for decades.
I spent part of several summers with my grandparents when I was younger. We'd go out for a family vacation and my parents would leave me behind to come home later. I was very lucky that I got to know my grandparents so well, even though we lived 1,000 miles away. I got to see the example they set of what it means to get married and be together in sickness and in health. I saw my grandma get by on very limited sleep for years and graciously take care of my grandpa's every need. I saw my grandpa rise above his limitations to be an endlessly positive person who everyone grew to respect. I also saw him make sacrifices for my grandma because he loved her so much. As they both started to get older it got harder on my grandma physically to take care of my grandpa, so he chose to start eating less food so he'd lose weight which would be easier on my grandma. I saw a couple who genuinely enjoyed each other's company and were best friends. I realized from a young age that I wanted what they had when I got married. I was very lucky that I found that kind of love, and my husband and I actually got married on my grandparent's 51st wedding anniversary.
When I was in college I wrote a letter to my grandpa about how much his example meant to me. I was a bit embarrassed to send it, but I am so grateful that I found the courage to send it to him so he would know how much he had inspired me. My grandpa died when my daughter was 6 weeks old, which was very hard for me. We were going to head out to Illinois for my cousin's wedding that summer and he was so excited to meet his first great grandchild. I console myself with the knowledge that he at least got to see pictures of her. He would be amazed to know that in addition to his 9 grandchildren, he now has 18 great grandchildren with another on the way.
Part of the reason I call this blog "Choosing My Course" is also because of my grandpa. He was faced with a choice about how to approach life after his illness, and he made the most admirable choice possible. While my grandpa was in the hospital and was dealing with the knowledge that he'd be paralyzed for the rest of his life, he said a doctor sat with him and told him he had a choice: He could be bitter about everything he'd lost, or he could be grateful for all of the good things he still had. He could have very understandably wallowed in self-pity about how his life had so drastically changed. But instead he chose to appreciate his family and neighbors who helped out and kept their farm going. He chose to appreciate their 4 children and the 5th child who came later (another example of something the doctors thought couldn't happen). He chose to find ways to continue to be a contributing member of his community, back before handicapped assistive devices were widely available. He chose to continue smiling, laughing, and loving.
This is the love that I want to celebrate this Valentine's Day. I don't think I'd be who I am today without it. This is a picture of my grandparents on their 50th wedding anniversary in 1998, still very much in love with each other.
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