I wrote a rather extensive post about my son at one point. Lately he's been doing so much better, but this past week he basically reverted to all of his old ways, and Friday afternoon we had a horrible fight, which left me feeling like a worthless parent who can't manage my child or myself. I also had tea with my mom on Friday since it was my dad's first birthday since his death. My mom is still not handling it very well, and I'm not sure how to best support her. Especially since I really want to heal and move on, and not keep rehashing this. I also discovered in the conversation with my mom that someone close to us is currently doing something that I find morally repulsive. So all of that on top of the fact that I think I'm dealing with a mid-life crisis just sent me over the edge emotionally. Which is why I turned to food and a quick fix.
I wrote on Friday that I did a yoga workout, and I don't like to do yoga because I'm not even remotely flexible, but that I like the way my body feels after I do yoga. The opposite is true of food: I like the way I feel when I'm eating it, but I don't like the way I feel after I eat. The big difference between the two is that if I just make myself spend the 20 to 45 minutes doing a workout, I know I'll feel good afterward. But I have to deny myself food that I enjoy all day long. I know that I need to approach food from a different mental place. I also know that I need to figure out a healthier way to deal with the stress in my life. If anyone has any helpful suggestions, I'm open to hearing them. Because obviously I'm not figuring this out on my own at the moment.
We have had some really pretty skies lately due to storms rolling through. I guess it's important to find something good to focus on!
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