Silver Linings

If you're reading regularly, you know I've been struggling a bit lately with basically all of my life choices (other than my family).  Due to some physical symptoms which I'm starting to believe are caused by stress, I'm really making an effort to manage my stress and reframe my thoughts.  This morning when the alarm went off, I very nearly went back to bed, I was just so tired I couldn't hardly form a coherent thought.  I'm sure I looked like a robot that someone forgot to turn on.  But I remembered my decision from a couple of weeks ago that when I'm really that physically exhausted, I'd just go for a walk instead of trying to do an intense workout.  I really did a pretty good job with my workouts this week, so I didn't even feel very guilty for having a lower intensity day.

While I was out on my walk, I realized what a gift it is to be up and outside at around 4:30 in the morning.  There are hardly any other people out and there's a blanket of darkness, so I get that solitude outdoors that I crave so much and seldom have in my suburban neighborhood.  Since most people are still in bed at that hour, there isn't much noise and I can just listen to the wind in the trees and the birds singing.  There was a just-past-full moon hanging low in the southern sky which nicely silhouetted the mountains; they looked like dark blue cut-outs against a slightly less dark blue western sky.  Even during the summer months, it's still cool enough at that time of day to be able to exercise comfortably rather than wondering if I'm going to drop of heat stroke.

When I left the house at about 5:45 to head downtown to work this morning, I appreciated the sunrise and the color and quality of the light at that hour.  On many mornings in the past, I've felt upset when I see the sunrise that I don't have the time to stop and take some pictures.  This morning I really just worked on appreciating the beauty and tried not to worry about what I was "missing out" on.  I don't have this all figured out yet, and quite frankly I may never get to that point, but I am making an effort to do better.

My heart was very full this afternoon watching my son.  I had picked him up from school and we were waiting at the park for my daughter's bus to drop her off.  There was a dad with a 4-year old and an infant there and my son went over and started playing with them.  He was so sweet with the 4-year old, he took him on the slide several times, he "raced" him (and let him win every time).  He also gently rocked the baby in the swing while the dad pushed the little boy.  I told him that I was very proud of how kind and gentle he had been.  He told me that the dad told him that the little boy is a little behind, and he responded to the dad, "that's alright, so was Albert Einstein."  It's a good reminder that it's important not to have narrow and restrictive definitions of "good".  My son was suspended from school yesterday, but demonstrated some great qualities today.

I'm going to keep attempting to look for the good in every situation.  I'm going to try and find the silver lining as often as possible.