Choosing My Course: Solution?

I haven't written much lately, mainly because I'm trying a different approach to dealing with my pervasive ennui. Howard Gardner proposed a theory of multiple intelligences, claiming that just because someone doesn't do well on a traditional IQ test doesn't mean they aren't intelligent; just that their intelligence may lie in another area. You can find tests online that will help you to understand where your intelligence lies. I found one at one point and unsurprisingly my top three areas were verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, and intrapersonal. Since these are the types of intelligence/skills that show up best in traditional schooling, I guess that's why I was always a good student. Lately though, I've been having an issue with the high intrapersonal intelligence. I spend a great deal of time navel-gazing, and since I can't ever come up with any solutions to any of the issues on which I endlessly ruminate, I just continue to feel bad. So I've actually been trying to do a little less introspection, and a little more living in the moment without worrying about the implications.

It does seem to be helping as I've been feeling less helpless and panicked lately. However, it makes it very hard to write since I'm basically stopping myself from any self-reflection. I want to clarify that I know that I have "first-world problems" and that I should be more grateful and less discontented. But what can I say? I'm just having a hard time moving in that direction. Trying to convince myself that I should be more grateful just makes me feel guilty, which doesn't help at all.

My husband saw this quote below online that is attributed to an unknown author. This pretty well sums it up for me. I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure books as a kid, and I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to be an adult when I could do whatever I wanted. I suppose that still is an option; if I was willing to let my life totally go down the drain.

At any rate, I will try to get on here at least once per week and at a minimum share my weigh-in results. I have got to figure out how to motivate myself to lose weight again as I'm almost to the point where I'll need to move up a size in clothes, and I so don't want to do that. It would mean admitting defeat and accepting a lower level of health and a lower quality of life as I age. This is completely unacceptable because I know how frustrated I feel that my dad died so young because he didn't take care of himself and I don't want to do that to my family. It's also a problem because I HATE shopping. It's practically torture at the best of times, and I especially hate it when I'm heavy and nothing looks right when I try it on. That was one of the really nice things when I'd lost all the weight before. I still hated shopping, but at least I knew that if I saw something I liked it would look fine on me, so it was quicker and easier.

Here are some pictures from recent walks, including a large tree that was removed which is making my son sort of sad. They're all from my camera phone so not quite as clear.