Work and Stress

My job offers some really great benefits, including paying for the entire family premium on health insurance if we sign up for the high deductible plan and I take a health risk assessment.  Last year when I took the assessment, all of my numbers looked great, I worked out like I was supposed to, saw the doctor for my physicals (most years), and was overall in very good health.  However, the assessment did tell me I should eat more vegetables and manage my stress.  So I've been working on both, with rather limited success.  When I have to count my calories so closely, I only want to eat things that I like to eat and that are high in protein and fiber so my blood sugar doesn't drop.  While most vegetables fill the fiber needs, they don't provide the protein, so I still don't eat as many as I should.

Then there's the stress.  I know that it's self-imposed, and that it's really bad for my long-term health and my weight.  But I still can't seem to get a handle on it.  I stress out at home because I don't think I'm a good enough wife or mother, and I can't seem to keep up with everything that needs to be done.  I stress out at work because I expect top quality work out of myself in exchange for drawing my paycheck, and the workload is so overwhelming at times that I don't feel like I have time to produce the highest quality product.  My job is essentially writing and running reports, doing data analysis, and testing and configuring our HR system.  I actually really enjoy all of those things, most of them are like logic puzzles and incredibly fun (yeah, I'm weird like that).  All of those do require accuracy though, and it's VERY easy to put a decimal or parenthesis in the wrong spot and get an incorrect result.  So it takes time and focus to do it right and to run tests for quality assurance.

Last year during our annual performance and compensation cycle I produced 32 versions of the board presentation because I kept tweaking things per our CEO's request.  One time we had a meeting at 1:00 in the afternoon where he asked me to make several more changes before our meeting at 2:00 that afternoon.  Luckily that version never made it in front of the board members, it was only our executive compensation consultant who saw that one.  Because I didn't remember to make all the changes on every impacted chart in the half hour I had to work between meetings, so some of the data was off.  The next morning we met at 9:00 and our CEO again asked for changes in time for a 10:00 meeting.  I actually responded sarcastically, "oh, because that worked so well yesterday."  I couldn't believe that had come out of my mouth; as soon as I said it I wanted to smack my hand over my mouth in incredulity.  Fortunately, the CEO just calmly looked at me and responded, "alright, we'll just tell them to expect the changes when they see the presentation the next time."  I think that was my one get-of-jail-free card with him.  I hadn't ever done anything like that in the past, and I certainly haven't done it since.

This is where my work stress comes from:  I enjoy my work and take pride in it.  I want to do a good job and was taught by my father that if I was just going to do a "half-assed" job then there was no point in doing it at all.  I recognize that his obsession with perfection was not healthy, and while I logically understand that, I still have a difficult time changing my emotional response to imperfect work results.  So here I am, about ready to take the health risk assessment again for the upcoming benefits plan year, and I still don't really have a handle on my stress.  I have been doing some meditation, deep breathing, and yoga, which does help.  So I guess I'm not completely neglecting to try to make this better.  But if it's results that matter, I don't have much to show for my efforts.  I guess I'll keep trying though, since as Madame Leota said, "the only true failure is when you stop trying."

Here are some pictures of the leaves in my yard.  I know I'm incessantly taking pictures of the changing leaves, but the beautiful colors are so fleeting, especially here in Denver when it can snow any day now.  So I'm trying to take advantage while I can!