O Christmas Tree

I'm in my second weekend of getting up at 4:15 and I don't like it, but I think I might be sleeping a little better, so I guess I'll give it some time.  I do get to see beautiful sunrises getting up that early, and I'm home to get pictures of them.

I had been doing really well with my eating this week, then woke up Friday morning with the best of intentions, but ended the day having consumed far too many calories.  Saturday hasn't been any better.  So my weigh-in probably won't be as encouraging as I thought it would be earlier in the week.  The holiday eating season will be starting soon, so I may have to wait until after the first of the year to make real progress.

We got our Christmas tree today.  My son didn't even look with us because the nursery we buy the tree from has a puppy.  So he was otherwise occupied entertaining the dog.

Before

After

Crystal Snowman

It's not dark enough yet to get a dramatic and striking picture of the tree, but I won't be home tonight when it is dark enough since I have to go to my work holiday party.  I wish that others could understand that not all of us enjoy parties, especially when it's an obligation.  But I didn't go last year, and I figured it would be strongly frowned upon if I didn't go twice in a row.  So maybe another day this week I'll have a better picture of the tree in the dark.

One Day at a Time

Yesterday morning I got up and did a hard workout.  I've been working out every morning, but I had sort of been going through the motions rather than really focusing and making sure it was a real challenge.  I also entered all of my calories for the day and stayed within my goal.  This morning when I stood on the scale it was moving in the right direction for the first time in quite awhile (even though it is still WAY to high).

This morning I did it again, and while I haven't yet eaten dinner, I've managed to count my calories all day and I don't believe I'll go over my limit tonight either.  I do feel hungry in the afternoon time since I get up so dang early in the morning.  But a little hunger isn't going to kill me, especially not right now when I have so much in reserve.

I've got a long way to go again since I've been using food to deal with all of the stress and grief in my life this year.  I've had other times this year where I've been really good for a couple of days and then just revert back to my old habits.  So I have to remind myself that each day is its own event, and each day requires a commitment to making the right choices.  While I'm not so delusional to think that this will be easy to maintain long-term, I think I may finally be in the right mental place to make a better effort.  I'm looking forward to my weigh-in this coming weekend.  It's still going to be much higher than I want it to be, even if I do make good choices every single day this week.  But I might finally be on track to improve.

Favorite Holiday Decorations

I have a couple of holiday decorations that I just love, and I like having them out every year, so I thought I'd share some photos.

This is a ceramic gingerbread house candle that my sister-in-law got for me back when they still celebrated Christmas.  She also got me my favorite Halloween decoration, back when they still celebrated Halloween.  Sigh...
Anyway, I love the way this looks like a real little bakery with the light inside.

This is our Celtic advent wreath, with 2 of the candles lit since we're in the second week of Advent.

This is tonight's sunset from the creek behind our house.  We've been having some beautiful colors in the sky lately, almost like nature is getting into the holiday spirit!

Weekly Progress Report #18

Weight:  141.4

I don't even have words for how frustrated I feel with myself today.  I managed to stay even on Thanksgiving week, but put weight on the following week.  Ugh!  This is part of the reason I didn't get my post up yesterday, I was just too disappointed in myself.

This morning the moon was above the mountains which were covered with fresh snow from this weekend.  The picture is from my camera phone and the automatic ISO must have bumped up really high because it's very grainy.  But it still shows how pretty the view was.

Early Riser

Since I haven't slept well in years and it's starting to really create problems, I decided to follow the advice that I've heard for years about going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, even on the weekends.  The article that finally convinced me was one that mentioned that Daylight Saving Time is only one hour and it messes up our circadian rhythms.  I completely agree and strongly dislike Daylight Saving Time.  This finally made me realize that by sleeping in on the weekends I was voluntarily messing with my sleep rhythms every week.  So this morning the alarm went off at 4:15 and I got up and worked out just like it was a weekday.  It really did give me more time today, and I was also able to get a few pictures that I wouldn't normally have time for during the week or be awake for on the weekend.

The moon behind the trees and clouds this morning at 4:30

The western sky as the sun was starting to rise

The eastern sky as the sun was starting to rise

We'll see how this goes, if I start sleeping better once my body gets used to the same schedule all the time.  Fingers crossed!

Solution?

I haven't written much lately, mainly because I'm trying a different approach to dealing with my pervasive ennui.  Howard Gardner proposed a theory of multiple intelligences, claiming that just because someone doesn't do well on a traditional IQ test doesn't mean they aren't intelligent; just that their intelligence may lie in another area.  You can find tests online that will help you to understand where your intelligence lies.  I found one at one point and unsurprisingly my top three areas were verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, and intrapersonal.  Since these are the types of intelligence/skills that show up best in traditional schooling, I guess that's why I was always a good student.  Lately though, I've been having an issue with the high intrapersonal intelligence.  I spend a great deal of time navel-gazing, and since I can't ever come up with any solutions to any of the issues on which I endlessly ruminate, I just continue to feel bad.  So I've actually been trying to do a little less introspection, and a little more living in the moment without worrying about the implications.

It does seem to be helping as I've been feeling less helpless and panicked lately.  However, it makes it very hard to write since I'm basically stopping myself from any self-reflection.  I want to clarify that I know that I have "first-world problems" and that I should be more grateful and less discontented.  But what can I say?  I'm just having a hard time moving in that direction.  Trying to convince myself that I should be more grateful just makes me feel guilty, which doesn't help at all.

My husband saw this quote below online that is attributed to an unknown author.  This pretty well sums it up for me.  I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure books as a kid, and I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to be an adult when I could do whatever I wanted.  I suppose that still is an option; if I was willing to let my life totally go down the drain.

At any rate, I will try to get on here at least once per week and at a minimum share my weigh-in results.  I have got to figure out how to motivate myself to lose weight again as I'm almost to the point where I'll need to move up a size in clothes, and I so don't want to do that.  It would mean admitting defeat and accepting a lower level of health and a lower quality of life as I age.  This is completely unacceptable because I know how frustrated I feel that my dad died so young because he didn't take care of himself and I don't want to do that to my family.  It's also a problem because I HATE shopping.  It's practically torture at the best of times, and I especially hate it when I'm heavy and nothing looks right when I try it on.  That was one of the really nice things when I'd lost all the weight before.  I still hated shopping, but at least I knew that if I saw something I liked it would look fine on me, so it was quicker and easier.

Here are some pictures from recent walks, including a large tree that was removed which is making my son sort of sad.  They're all from my camera phone so not quite as clear.

Christmas Lights

The moon behind the clouds and trees

A few leaves still hanging on

The wood from the big tree next to the creek path

The tree stump

Day Off

I took a day off today.  A real day off.  My husband went to work and the kids went to school, so I had an actual day to myself.  I did a little laundry, read, watched some Netflix, took a nap, and went for a couple of walks since it was such a beautiful day today.

This picture of the sunrise is from my camera phone after I dropped my son off at school.

These pictures are from my real camera when I went for walks today.