I Miss My Hour

I didn't write a post yesterday because after working all day, helping (a.k.a. cajoling, fighting...) my son with his homework, and taking a walk with my husband, I was too worn out to do anything but plop on the couch until it was time to crawl into bed. I know it's only a one hour time change, but at the moment it feels like I'm getting up at 3:15 in the morning, and that's really, really early.

I am enjoying the sunlight later in the evening though, so I know I should focus on the positive and stop worrying about the sleep. It would be easier to do if I wasn't so weary. I feel like my brain isn't fully functioning and that it's taking longer for me to reach simple conclusions and make decisions today. Yesterday wasn't as bad for some reason, but this second work day following the daylight saving time change is having a rather negative effect on me. Sigh...

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm actually in the right head-space to start making some real progress on weight-loss. However, I don't want to discuss it too much as I've found that I operate in this strange paradox where discussing it actually makes me less likely to succeed. So I'll keep up with my progress reports, but probably won't discuss much of what I'm doing until I've had some real, lasting success.

We've had some beautiful weather recently and I'm getting very excited for spring now. I'm ready to start seeing some color and blooms again. Though I know we'll probably have more snow, the time is getting closer. This photo is from May of last year, but it fits my mood today.

Back to Reality, Minus 1 Hour

Another weekend in Estes Park has come and gone. Yesterday afternoon I took a walk around the grounds of the cabin and saw some elk with large antlers. These two were grazing on the hillside and first the one on the left looked up as I snapped a photo, then the one on the right.

This one was by himself much closer to the cabin.
UPDATE: I just realized that this elk is not alone. There is another male elk behind him in the bushes with huge antlers. I didn't even notice when I took the photo! I'm feeling rather sheepish at the moment.

We headed down the mountain this morning so that we could get home and get our weekend chores done in one afternoon. Here's our snowshoes drying off in the sun.

We wanted to make sure to get started at a good time this morning since we lost an hour today. I'm not going to enjoy waking up tomorrow morning at what's going to feel like 3:15 to me. Though the extra sunshine in the afternoon will be nice.

I hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoy the start of your week without feeling too tired, especially those of you in areas where daylight saving time is now in effect.

Snowshoeing in Rocky Mountain National Park

Every time I type snowshoeing I think I'm spelling it wrong since you don't drop the "e" before "ing." It's just one of those weird exception words.

At any rate, we had a good time snowshoeing today, though it was almost too warm. I think it was probably 45 degrees on our way back down the mountain. But the sky was such a lovely shade of blue that it was worth it.

This was the view out our cabin window this morning as the moon was going down behind the mountain.

A park ranger took this picture for us before we headed up this morning. It wasn't long before we all had to shed our coats because we got too warm.

My son and nephew before they headed off to build a snowman on Bear Lake while we went up the trail.

This sign is about 5 feet tall in the summer.

My husband at the top of a hill that we all climbed. It's so much more fun to leave the trail and wade through the snow that hasn't been tamped down.

My brother and my daughter working their way up the hill.

My husband tumbling back down the hill.

Gravity can be a cruel mistress when you're heading back down. My sister-in-law was in good spirits after her slide though!

My husband's second tumble coming down the hill.

My husband, my daughter, and me. You'll notice the coats tied around our waists at this point. The one not so great thing today is that my flippin' snow pants did not fit...at all. I couldn't even zip them up, let alone button them (you can probably tell in the photo). If I needed any additional motivation to lose weight, I think that'll do it. I was uncomfortable, embarrassed, and didn't enjoy the trip quite as much as I should have. I won't be weighing myself tomorrow, since there are no scales up here in the cabin. But I feel ready to get serious now so I won't feel like this again next winter.

It was warm enough that my son was running around in his short-sleeved shirt by the end! My brother, daughter, and mom are in the background.

A herd of bighorn sheep near the road. I NEVER see sheep when I come up here, though my mom and aunt always do. Maybe since I was with the two of them I actually got to see them. There was a male with huge horns standing further down the road, but I was driving and there wasn't anyplace to stop, so I wasn't able to get a picture of him.

A blue jay outside our cabin window. It's so lovely that I'm sitting here with the window open listing to the birds chatter to one another.

Guess Where I Am

I'm in Estes Park again! I will write a more substantive post tomorrow with pictures from snowshoeing.

Grateful for Amazing People

I'm having some difficulty getting regular posts up this week. Between late nights at work, lack of sleep, and kid's activities, it's just not happening every evening. I saw this post on the Good News feed that I subscribe to (because I can't just always read the negative information in the news) about Mr. Rogers this week and really enjoyed it. I grew up watching Mr. Rogers, and to this day seeing a video of him makes me feel calm and protected. I realized as I was watching this clip that part of the reason I always felt such contentment watching his show is because he reminds me so much of my maternal grandfather.

I've written about him and my grandmother before. They were (still is in my grandmother's case) the most amazing people with so much love and strength. I often think about what my grandfather would think about me when I'm making choices about how to live my life. Would he be proud, or disappointed? I know that either way he'd still love me, but I would never want to disappoint him. He found ways to enjoy life and feel grateful despite losing the ability to move anything below his neck, even though he was a farmer. I still feel a profound loss since he's been gone. I loved visiting my grandparents on their farm when I was little. I don't enjoy it as much since he's been gone. It's too quiet without the sound of his respirator, or his bed rocking at night. While I still love to see my grandmother, it just isn't the same experience as when I was little.

My grandpa being silly

My grandpa and his dad, another great guy who lived to be 102

My grandparent's farm

My grandpa wearing his respirator and hanging out with my little brother

The world lost a couple of wonderful people within two years of each other. Only a small community was aware of a great man departing when my grandfather died in 2001. Nearly everyone in America (and probably in a couple of other countries) knew about it when Fred Rogers died in 2003. I'm so lucky that both men touched my life, one directly and one indirectly.

I think we're finally going to start thawing out here. It's been weird in Colorado to have several gray days and snow sticking around for a couple of weeks. It's made for some amazing icicles though, and the rabbits have clearly been having a party in our yard.

This morning before the sun was out

Sparkling in the afternoon sun

This is in the front which has gotten some sun so there isn't much snow left

Wistful and Melancholy

Last night we attended the high school open house for my daughter (thus no post). The advanced academic program that she's entering has an elective class for half of each year she's there where they work on tactical college preparation. In the younger grades they work on identifying their aspirations and goals and which colleges can assist with those dreams. Then they move onto to test preparation, and finally their senior year they actually help each other with essays, applications, and interviews. As we were sitting in the classroom (in desks which we finally fit into) listening to the information, all I could think about was how is it possible that we're talking about college for my daughter?! Wasn't it just a couple of days ago that we were bringing home this little baby girl from the hospital and I was feeling totally overwhelmed by how much I loved her? It's amazing how long 14 years feels when you're young, and how quickly it passes when you're a parent.

I think she's going to do wonderfully and that this school will be a really great fit for her. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she'll be 14 years old in a couple of weeks, and starting high school this fall. I'm going to be the mother of a high school student. It's just not computing right now.

Maybe because of the emotions the evening stirred up for me, I couldn't sleep worth a darn last night. I fell asleep sometime after 9:00, and woke up about midnight, and was awake until almost 3:00. Then I had a dream that my son was messing with a snake and it was biting him so I was trying to get him away and then the snake bit me. I awoke with a jerking motion at 3:51. I did manage to doze a little again before the alarm went off at 4:15. That's just not enough sleep. Luckily it was a busy day at work so I didn't feel it too badly until the afternoon. Since I was awake anyway, I managed to get this interesting shot of the moon through the icicles lining the back of my house at about 2:00.

We have some pretty amazing icicles in our neighborhood right now. This monster is hanging off of my neighbor's second story. There's a second picture to really show the perspective, that is a 6-foot privacy fence.

I finally saw the mountains this morning briefly for the first time in several days. Then the weather moved back in and hid them from view and it started snowing again around 9:00 in the morning. I do love the snow, and am so glad that we've gotten some that's stuck around. However, this isn't "normal" Colorado weather and I miss seeing "my mountains" as my grandmother always called them. Luckily we're heading up to Estes Park to stay in a cabin and do some snowshoeing this weekend, so I can get my mountain fix.

Weekly Progress Report #9

I've let myself reach a truly uncomfortable weight again. My clothes are really starting to be too tight to be appropriate any longer, and I'm pretty unhappy with what I see when I look in the mirror right now. I'm beginning to suspect that a big part of the reason why I not only haven't been successful in losing weight, but have continued to put weight back on, is in large part because of my overall negative mental mindset.

Weight: 144.6 pounds
Weight Change: + 2.2 pounds (This is over the last 2 weeks since I chickened out on weighing myself last week, but figure it was probably what I weigh now.)

I don't really have a new plan at this point. To be completely honest, I'm feeling pretty down and defeated by the whole situation. I'm only about 5 pounds less than my absolute maximum (non-pregnancy) weight, and I clearly can't figure out how to reverse this trend. Back in 2010 I had decided that I needed to make a choice: resign myself to being a slightly overweight middle-aged woman, or make some real changes. I had just listened to a doctor berate my father for not making different choices that fall, and I decided that I wanted to lose weight. In 3 1/2 months I lost 35+ pounds. I don't even want to lose that much this time, I just need to figure out how to kick-start the weight-loss again. I'll let you know if I figure anything out.