2015 Weekly Progress Report #2

Weight:  141.8 pounds
Weekly Change:  -2.6 pounds

I did a good job this week with my food and calorie counting, and am making progress.  I am happy with those results, and with the self-control I exhibited when choosing meals this week.  Now I've just got to keep doing it.

Progress on my other goals:

• Presence at home:  I did a pretty decent job this past week of not talking about work, until Friday.  I did make time to play games with my son and take my daughter shopping.  Plus my husband and I had a pseudo-date* when my mom took the kids out.  So overall I'd give this one a passing grade for the week.
• Photography:  I continue to review my photos to determine what looks good and what didn't work so well, in an effort to take pictures differently in the future.  The biggest obstacle I'm running into here is time.  I know that in order to get some shots, I need to set up some of the additional equipment.  But since I do have a job and other responsibilities, I don't always have time to do so when I see something that would make a great shot.  So I made progress, but not as much as I would have liked.
• Statistics:  I have found new uses for formulas in Excel out of necessity over the last week back at work.  I also started reading my new book about data visualization.  Last year I did read both Naked Statistics and The Signal and the Noise.  I didn't make any big leaps forward here, but I think slow and steady is the key to using data more effectively at work.
• Writing:  Other than writing at this blog and in my journal, I've made zero progress here.  I have a story idea that I've been toying with, so hopefully I'll find the time and motivation to start working on it this week.

* We went to the movies together and saw The Imitation Game.  It was a very good movie, even if there were a few historical inaccuracies.  It was about Alan Turing and his team who cracked the German Enigma machine during WWII.  I highly recommend it if you're looking for a good film that makes you think a little.

Thoughts on Workouts, Work, and Family

Sunrise out my front window this morning

I had tangible proof this morning that I got really good workouts in for the last two days.  Yesterday morning I did boxing and this morning I did dumbbell circuits.  For the third and fourth circuits this morning I had to use lighter weights for a couple of the exercises.  The backs of my arms and shoulders are now pretty sore.  In fact, when I tried to take off my sports bra, something that isn't normally a big deal, I wasn't sure that I was actually going to be able to get it off.  But with persistence and patience I eventually succeeded.  Although I think it took almost one minute, rather than the usual five to ten seconds.

Other than good workouts, it's been a rough couple of days.  I have decided that I have to figure out how to re-frame and respond differently to my one particularly difficult coworker.  She wears me out emotionally and then I come home and my son has been extra challenging of late, so I can't ever fill my bucket back up.  The reality is this woman is never going to change, and quite frankly, I hear her on the phone with her family (she has a loud voice that carries) and she treats them the same way.  So I don't think it's personal, and I have to figure out how to stop taking it personally.  So that's a new goal which is related to my goal about being more present at home by leaving work at work.

ADHD is different than I had always imagined it to be before I had first-hand experience with it.  I thought it just meant that kids wouldn't focus or sit still.  But it's so much more than that.  It's making impulsive choices that can have very negative consequences.  It's abdicating control of feelings and emotions so my son can be very hateful at times.  I am grateful that this particular issue happens pretty exclusively at home so other people who might not love him unconditionally don't have to deal with it.  But sometimes it's hard not to take it personally and wonder what I've done to deserve that kind of treatment.

Hopefully today will help me to get recharged.  My mom took my kids for the day, so my husband and I are going to hang out and go to a movie together.  Maybe when the kids come home tonight, I'll be a little more recharged and ready to patiently deal with whatever new surprises get thrown our way!

Anniversary Dinner

I made it through day two eating properly, yay!  I am fighting a bit of a headache for the second day now since my body was so used to extra calories, but I'm not going to die.

I've also managed to stay fairly positive for the last two days at work.  One of my coworkers who tends to complain a great deal (but who I really like) returned today, so it was harder.  But even with that added obstacle, I still kept a fairly positive attitude.  I hope all of you are having some success with the goals and/or resolutions you set for 2015.

We're having my mom over for dinner tonight since today would have been her 42nd wedding anniversary.  I know this is going to be a tough evening for her, and I wanted her with her grandchildren instead of home potentially wallowing in grief.  I know she needs to experience the grief, but I don't want her to have to suffer more than necessary.

We've had an incredible warm-up over the last 2 days, and almost all of our snow and ice are gone.  Yesterday it was extremely windy in front of the warm weather, and that really did a number on the snow.  This is all we have left in our yard today.

I have to run and get ready for dinner, so don't have too much time to write now.  I promise a meatier post tomorrow.

Baseline Progress

My goal this year is get to my weight back down to 125 pounds.  I didn't totally throw caution to the wind over the holiday break, but I also didn't make any effort to lose weight.  So I did put a couple more pounds on over the break.  It's not such a great thing because I'm going to be pretty uncomfortable in my work clothes when I put them on again for the first time in two weeks tomorrow.  Although that should certainly help with initial motivation.

I'm starting out at 144.4 pounds today.

My plan is to be down to 125 pounds by April 5th.  If I eat the way I know I'm supposed to, this should be more than enough time to make that goal.  In case I needed any further proof that it's my eating that controls my weight, I got it over this break.  The only two days over break that I didn't work out were Christmas and New Year's mornings.  I worked out every other day, and my weight is still way to high.

I'll also be working hard on my other goals.  I've been feeling a little blue today knowing that I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I'm going to miss my family, and the sad reality is that I work with a couple of very self-absorbed and inconsiderate people.  When I found myself feeling irritated with people I haven't seen in two weeks this morning in the shower, I stopped myself.  I reminded myself that in order to be a better wife and mom, I need to leave work at work.  I can't take things personally, because I don't think the two especially difficult people that I work with are trying to be mean, they just don't think about other people.  That's the reality, and my being upset doesn't improve anything.

I've been using my new photography tools and they are definitely helping.  My goal for the next few weeks is to play more with the settings on my camera so I can continue to improve my photography.  For the goal that I have to write and publish something, I'm planning on using work breaks to start writing again.  I'll update all three of my goals each Sunday to keep myself accountable on progress.

Getting Ready for 2015

I've never been a huge believer in "resolutions" per se, but the start of new year is a natural time to take stock of the goals and dreams I have.

What I want to accomplish in 2015:

• Be a more attentive wife and mother.  I want to leave work at work, and not take things that happen there so personally.  In the time I've been away from work on my vacation, I've noticed that I'm in a much healthier mental state and am able to give more of myself to my family.  Since I can't stop working, I need to find a way to be available for and present with my family even after I return to work.  I read a couple of good articles yesterday about how to mentally do this.
• This article is from a HR blog I follow for work.
• This article showed up on my Lifehacker feed.  I think one of the keys is to stop complaining which just allows me to wallow rather than handling things in a healthy manner.
• Get back down to 125 pounds.  While I'm fully aware that my weight and appearance shouldn't define me, I also know that I just feel better and more energetic at that weight.  I tried all last year to get my weight back down, and only succeeded in failing miserably as I actually gained weight.  I'm in my early forties now, and I can't afford to be carrying extra weight as it could start impacting my health.  So this is a goal that I will figure out how to accomplish this coming year.
• Continue to improve my photography, and consider selling professionally.  I love making photographs, and I like sharing those photos with others.  I plan to keep honing my skills and getting even better.  I know that anyone with a good camera can make their own photos, but I think that I have a good eye for composition, and that I notice things that not everyone would, so provide a different perspective.  I don't think this could ever be a full-time gig, but maybe I could make a little extra money by offering prints of my photos.  I'll keep my readers posted when/if I create a website for this purpose.  On a related item, I want to use my photos to make special gifts for people.  Everyone always seems to really appreciate those gifts (especially parents and grandparents when it's portraits of their family).
• Get even better at Statistics and figure out how to better incorporate "big data" analytics in my job.  I don't have time for formal classes or to work on a Master's degree right now.  But I do still find ways to keep informed and improving.  I've read several books, and I got another new one for Christmas that I'm excited to dig into.  I also get math books and DVDs and work through the problems in my spare time (yeah, I'm kind of a dork.)  I love the work I do, and it supports my family, so I want to keep being valuable enough to be able to provide that support.
• Get back into writing, and publish something.  This Christmas I helped my mom turn her memories of my dad into a book on Lulu.com.  It was therapeutic for her and made a nice memento for us.  I also realized while helping her with this, that you can create books on Lulu.com and make them available for sale on Amazon.  So this year I'm planning on getting something out there, even if it's just a collection of my short stories, because writing has always been so rewarding for me personally and I want to be able to share it with others.

What I'm looking forward to in 2015:

• Leaving the country for the first time when we do our walking tour of Ireland.  I know it's a little lame that I'll be 41 years old before I ever leave the US.  I also didn't see the ocean for the first time until I was 32.  My parents just never took those types of vacations.  By the time I was old enough to go myself, I was busy working and putting myself through college.  My dad got laid off from his aerospace engineering job when I was a senior in high school and was never reemployed in a decent job, so my parents couldn't help me with college.  After college I was too poor to take any good vacations.  Then I got married and started a family.  Sometimes I look at the pictures on the Facebook feed of three former co-workers of mine who travel all over the world and feel a little envious.  But none of them are married or have children, and really, I'd never trade places with them.  My family is the most wonderful and rewarding part of my life.  We've made it a point to take our children to lots of different places, so they won't be in this boat as adults.
• Getting past all of the "firsts" since my father's death.  Every time we do something for the first time without my dad, it's hard.  The holidays have been especially hard and my poor mom is having a difficult time coping right now.  It doesn't help that January 6th would have been my parents' 42nd wedding anniversary, and that it's so close to the holidays.  We still have to go stay in the cabin in Estes Park for the first time without my dad in early March, and then get past the anniversary of his death in April.  But hopefully everything will start to get easier after that since it won't the be the first time without him any longer.

2014 is exiting with a beautiful day here.  It's still really cold, though we're well above zero today and the sun is shining and sparking in the snow.  I hope you all have a wonderful New Year holiday!  See you next year.

Another Course Correction

I was MIA this weekend and yesterday because of how busy my life has been.  Or really that's just an excuse, because I could have made the time, but I used every spare minute that I had to read The Queen of Bedlam.  It's one of those books that I had a really hard time starting as it's obviously written for a male audience (my brother recommended it to me), but once it took off I couldn't put it down.  So I read instead of writing.

I'm back today now that I've finished the book to share another required course correction.  In my quest to make choices that add up the best possible version of me, I've decided that I need to work on few things and set a few goals.

• I want to weigh 125 pounds by Halloween.  I'm going to start posting my weekly chart again this weekend to hold myself accountable to myself and my readers.
• I want to focus on the positives in my life and be more grateful for all that I have.  I especially want to be more positive at work, which has always been the toughest place for me to maintain a positive attitude.
• I want to make more of an effort to connect with my friends.  My kids won't always be at home, and I'm going to be awfully lonely someday if I haven't made an effort to have a life outside of my immediate family.

Work was somewhat challenging again today and I'm emotionally worn out.  I know that it doesn't matter what I think other people should do and that I need to live in reality.  I just wish people would understand that if we all spent time working together instead of at cross-purposes or just trying to get out of as much work as possible; we'd be so much more successful.  We'd also probably all feel better and have more energy.  But some people seem bound and determined to expend all of their energy on avoiding work, which could have been accomplished in the time they spent trying to foist it off to someone else.  Clearly my second bullet point above is going to be the most challenging item.

I'm pretty sad about Robin Williams.  This celebrity death has definitely hit me harder than any other.  I think it's because I grew up watching him and he's not that old.  I imagine that I'll experience this more and more as I continue to age.  I'm especially sad because he wasn't able to get the help he needed to fight his own demons.  Accidents and illnesses are tough to deal with, but suicide is hard to get my head around.  I don't like to think of any other human being feeling so alone and lost.  It's just a reminder that we don't always know what's happening on the inside, and we should all try to be as kind as loving as possible.