Relaxing Weekend

I haven't felt motivated to write much lately. Life has just been going on fairly well, but hasn't been too interesting. Which is honestly kind of nice for a change. This is the first weekend in a long time where we haven't had obligations. So I've gotten most of my weekend chores done already, instead of rushing to do so Sunday afternoon like I have been lately.

It snowed again last night and we had a beautiful sunshiny day reflecting on the snow. All of today's pictures are from my new phone camera. It's still a phone camera, but it's much nicer than the one on my old phone.

I've been doing a good job with my eating lately. I was feeling a little bit like giving up today with the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, but then I ran across a blog post that made me feel like I can stick with this. I can be the hero in my own story, and keep working on this goal.

Tonight we're having a lovely sunset tonight as I write this. So I'm going to relax and enjoy the view and my family this evening since I'm ahead of the game on my chores!

A Chill in the Air

Yesterday morning as I walked from Union Station to my office, I definitely needed my sweater. There was a nice, brisk breeze and I was loving it. I've been reading lots of blog posts lately about people who aren't ready for summer to end, but I for one am ready for the cooler temperatures of fall. We got a really nice rain last night, and I couldn't resist taking a photo of the rain drops on my rose this morning.

I'm also glad my kids started back to school today so we can get into our school-year routine. I've been struggling mightily with the transition that this year brings as my daughter starts high school and my son starts middle school. I'm hopeful that now that we're started we can get into the routine and I'll start to feel better emotionally.

I took the day off so I could spend the morning with my children free from distractions. Their schools start at very different times this year so I ate half of my homemade scone with my daughter, then the other half with my son, so I was able to have breakfast with both of them on the first day. They both have half-days today, so now I get the morning to myself to relax a little.

1st day as a high school Freshman

1st day of 6th grade and middle school

The third 10-day challenge didn't start out so well for me. My weight was moving in entirely the wrong direction again. Part of it has been eating just a little bit more than I should be, and part of it was starting off on the wrong foot on Saturday with an extremely high-calorie dinner that my husband had prepared. So it's time to redouble my efforts and power through the remainder of these 10 days. I did make some positive (well, mathematically negative, but ya know) progress yesterday, so I'm hoping to have some momentum for the rest of the challenge.

Eating the Right Amount for the Right Reasons

So I finished watching A Nightmare on Elm Street yesterday, and I have to say that it's much less frightening and much campier than I remember it being. It was still a unique premise and I still enjoyed watching it though.

I'm on day 1 of my 10-day self-challenge, and I'm happy to report that it's going really well. I really (really, really) hope that by breaking this down into smaller increments I can make some real and sustained progress, because I'm just plain uncomfortable at my current weight.

I have been giving a great deal of thought to the reasons that I eat too much, and I've identified several issues that I'm hoping to address now.

Most of the items listed above were in a post I wrote last week and never published, because I was feeling so down about my lack of progress and allowed the post to go in a very negative direction. I think this is a more productive post and I believe that through a concerted effort with more short-term goals that I will finally be able to get my eating under control and lose the excess weight I'm carrying right now.

New Plan

Snapdragons in my front yard.

I've been trying to get my eating under control so that I can lose weight for nearly three years now, and haven't had any success. I believe it was Einstein who said that doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. So instead of just continuing to do what I've been doing and getting more and more frustrated and angry with myself, I'm going to take a different approach.

I know what my ultimate goal weight is, and I'm still planning to get there. But since right now that means losing about 20 pounds, I need to break this into smaller increments. I know that if I start experiencing some success, it'll motivate me to keep going. I also know that if I think in the shorter-term, it's easier to commit to eating right. So my plan is to start tomorrow and eat clean for 10 days. I know I can manage 10 days, and that the scale will start moving in the right direction again. Then I'll do it again for 10 days, and again after that, etc.

It is going to be a challenging time because my cousin and his family are in town and we'll be having dinner with them nearly every night. But if I make good choices during the day, I should go into dinner with enough calories that I can eat a reasonable meal.

I'll be checking in with my progress on Wednesday, August 5th for my first 10-day cycle. At that time I'm hoping to report that I ate 1300 or fewer calories each day, and that I've lost three pounds. If I stick with this plan, I will still be able to reach my goal weight in time for Halloween and the theatrical release of Crimson Peak (my reward for hitting my goal). But I'm hoping by mentally approaching this differently, it won't feel as overwhelming or daunting. Wish me luck!

This is totally unrelated to the rest of my post, but I'm super excited because Netflix just added the original Nightmare on Elm Street to streaming. The movie reminds me of my childhood and sleepovers in my best friend's basement. It's also a very unique horror movie that is just plain enjoyable to watch. So I've been watching a few minutes at a time on my tablet in between loads of laundry this morning. The other exciting development is that I ordered a large print of a photo I took of Kylemore Abbey when we were in Ireland from Shutterfly. It turned out beautifully and looks so nice on our dining room wall. I've got a couple of smaller, canvas prints on order also and am very excited to see those on my walls!

Hanging on the dining room wall. You can see the corner of the chandelier also.

Brief Sunshine

Look what I saw today: Sunshine!

It's been a few days since we've seen the sun, and it's gone behind the clouds again this afternoon, but at least it hasn't been overcast all day. I was starting to wonder, and not for the first time this summer, if I'd been transported to the Northwest without my knowledge.

I saw a wonderful little quote today when I was reading the comments on one of the blogs I follow.
"The plural of anecdote is not data." I wish I'd had such a clever come-back for one particular instance when someone tried to "prove" a point by telling me about one anecdote.

I didn't do as well with my food today, but instead of just deciding that the whole day was shot once I'd made one bad choice and totally pigging out, I stopped and ate right for the rest of the day. If I can get this down, I think I might really have a chance at making some progress.

Food Issues and Exciting Week

Yesterday I had what Suzanne Collins referred to as a "hollow day" in The Hunger Games book. The past couple of weeks I had been very dedicated and motivated to eat the proper amount of food to lose weight. I'm not sure why, but yesterday it just felt so much harder. Instead of feeling mild hunger and just ignoring it, I was feeling mild hunger and wanted to feed it...a lot of food. I managed not to give in all day even though I was working from home and food was readily available. But then we took my daughter out to dinner for her restaurant birthday dinner (yes, lots of activities in my family revolve around food, which is part of the problem), and I totally fell off the wagon. But I'm jumping right back on today.

Although I know that it's normal for weight loss to plateau for awhile, it's still hard to keep myself motivated when I'm not seeing movement on the scale. When the numbers go down each morning, it's like success feeds itself, but it takes a different level of self control when the numbers stop moving for several days. I know that I could very easily give up again right now; it's happened several times over the last couple of years. I've put in too much work to just throw it all out the window again. So today I'm eating the proper number of calories again.

We have a very exciting week planned out. Last night my husband and I bought new bikes (which is why I didn't post last night).

Close up of the color

We'd been planning on making this purchase for quite some time and had saved our pennies up. My husband just fell in love with a bright orange bike, although it's not a color to which he normally gravitates. I was having a harder time picking out my bike. I knew that I wanted a cruiser because I just don't enjoy riding the sports bikes where I'm bent over the handlebars as much. But most of  the cruisers were really girly with flowers everywhere. While I do love flowers, I don't like them on my modes of transportation. Then I saw this sage green bike that just had a nice, subdued paint job. I rode it around and decided this was the bike for me. It's only a 7-speed, but I knew I'd use it more if it wasn't too complicated to ride or maintain. Tonight we're planning on taking a family bike ride and my son is super excited as he loves riding his bike.

Thursday night we're taking our daughter to see The Breakfast Club in the theater. She loves this movie and we're treating her to special night alone with mom and dad. My son will be spending the evening with his grandparents and will get plenty of pampering himself. Then on Friday night my daughter and I are going to see Cinderella with my mom, mother-in-law, aunt, and sister-in-law.

My mom likes to have "girls night out" and she's been trying to organize one for ages. We were just never able to firm anything up and didn't fit it into the schedule. So when everyone was over on Sunday for my daughter's family birthday party and my sister-in-law mentioned that she really wanted to see Cinderella, we finally made a plan and set a date.

Lots of fun going on this week while the kids don't have school or homework! I just hope that the weather continues to cooperate with all of our plans since snow is forecast again for tomorrow.

Craving...Something

Do any of you ever find yourself with a very specific food craving, and you either can't figure out what it is you're craving, or you don't have it? Then end up eating way too much food in a vain attempt to satisfy that craving? Or is that just an issue that I have? Yesterday morning I had planned out my breakfast in advance but when I opened the refrigerator, we didn't have the ingredients I needed. My husband does the cooking and the shopping, (yeah, I'm lucky) and said I hadn't told him we needed the items. I've never had to tell him in the past because we consider these "staples" that he just always picks up. So, after playing the mental blame-game, I resigned myself to finding something else to eat for breakfast.

That started me down a road of eating too much the entire day in an attempt to satisfy the original craving. Yes, this a total excuse and the reality is that I failed yesterday, and it showed up on the scale today. I ate enough food to add 3 pounds to the number that showed up on the scale today versus yesterday. I have to assume that some of it is due to sodium since we ate out last night and restaurants are notorious for adding too much salt to their food. But regardless of the "actual" weight gain, I consumed too many calories yesterday.

I'm having difficulty pinpointing exactly what's causing me to deviate from my food plan right now. I think maybe it's just that I don't want to lose the weight badly enough. Or maybe it's because I'm not being kind enough to myself.

Then these three articles showed up in my reader today:

• Keep Your Bad Decisions From Getting Worse by Mastering Acceptance
• The Benefits of Intentionally Failing on Your Diet
• A Gradual Approach to Healthy Eating

Either the universe was aligned today to support me, or I'm not the special little snowflake that I think I am and this is a pretty common struggle. While I'd like to think it's the former, the realist in me knows that the latter is much more likely.

The sun has been hidden behind low-hanging clouds all day today. When I left the house to walk down and pick my son up after school it was veiled but visible for a very short time. I'm glad I stopped to grab a quick photo on my phone even though I was a little late getting to the school, because it wasn't visible any longer as we were walking back home. Also, my son always takes his time at the end of the day, so I still had to wait for him even though I arrived three minutes after the bell rang.

Eating Failure and Parenting Success

I'm frustrated about the fact that I put weight back on this weekend even after being so careful.  So I was pouting today and didn't eat well at all.  I was actually doing the whole "it's not working anyway so why put myself through that" rationalization while I ate too much at lunch.  I know it was immature and counter-productive, so I plan on getting back on track tomorrow.

One thing that hasn't been frustrating me lately is my interactions with my children.  They've both been so pleasant and fun lately.  My son has been very compassionate and kind to my husband as he deals with the loss of his grandmother.  When my kids were little they used to tell us that the angels painted the sky when they saw the sunrise.  Last Friday morning here in Denver we had a particularly beautiful sunrise and my son told my husband, "it looks like a new angel painted the sky today, it must be Grandma."  That certainly helped to soften the grief a little bit.  He attended a sleepover birthday party this past weekend and the birthday boy's mother told me that her little son was attached to my son at the hip and that my son was so good with him.  My son can be uber-challenging at times, so I really treasure these times.

My daughter decided she wanted to paint with her spare time yesterday.  She's not 100% pleased with the result, but for a quick afternoon craft: color me impressed.  She may go back and touch it up as the bottom of the silhouette isn't dark enough for her tastes.

She's really getting to the age where she makes a good companion now.  She's always been fun to be around, but now she's reaching the age where we can have actual conversations (she'll be starting high school in the fall.)  With today being Martin Luther King, Jr. day, they've been studying him in school.  She told me that they had learned about some of the less inspirational parts of his life the other day and she wasn't sure she liked hearing that.  I told her that I actually find it more inspirational that a human being with all of our shortcomings and failings could muster the strength and courage to do the things he did.  I think it actually made sense to her and opened her eyes a little bit.  I loved having little kids, and I still miss having little ones running around, but I am finding a great deal of enjoyment in parenting older children now too.

Another End and Food Struggles

I didn't get a post up yesterday because my son had his winter gymnastics show and my husband's grandmother passed away.  My mother-in-law, father-in-law, and my husband's grandfather were all in the room with her as she breathed her last.  In many ways this is a blessing as she hasn't really been herself in several years due to Alzheimer's, and my husband's grandfather was wearing himself out taking care of her full-time.  She was in her late 80s and had lived a long, full life with her husband, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  Even so, the finality of this goodbye is still hard for the people left behind.

Last evening we went over to my husband's grandfather's house, along with my husband's cousins and their families.  I think having so much activity and having all the kids there eased the pain a bit for my husband's grandfather.  Once the service is finished and everyone returns to their normal lives, the difficult journey of him learning to live alone will begin.  I hope that he's able to make that transition since he's still very healthy and spry and should still have some good years left.  Although the worry is that he won't deal with it well and will start to go downhill.  In some ways I think that's what my mother-in-law is more concerned about right now than even the loss of her mother.

I'm having a really difficult time with my eating today.  I'm not entirely sure why, but I REALLY want to eat something horrible for me with lots of calories.  Maybe it's because I'm so tired today, or because I'm dealing with some emotion over recent events even if it's not to the same degree as it would be with my grandmother, or maybe it's a combination of those things.  I've managed to not give into this impulse, even though I forgot my breakfast this morning, so was VERY tempted to run over to Starbucks on my way into the office.  I actually hit the elevator button for the floor where the Starbucks is located in the building.  But then just closed the doors again and rode up to the 23rd floor.  Instead of indulging I remembered the oatmeal I had in my desk and ate that.  I'm also pretty worried about eating well over the next week when family is going to be coming into town for the service, so I definitely can't make poor choices when I am in control of the food in front of me.  I don't want to start sliding backwards, I need to get to a more comfortable weight.  I just wish this wasn't so difficult!

This isn't a great photo since I only had my phone camera, but the colors outside my office window this morning were very stunning, so I had to grab a shot of it.

Today was one of those beautiful Colorado winter days with lots of sunshine.  These pictures are from my walk this afternoon to pick my son up from school.

Weight-Loss Plan

I'm on day 5 of eating the proper number of calories.  The first couple of days it  was really easy, yesterday and today have required more self-talk.  Last night we went out to dinner and it was my son's turn to choose the restaurant.  So I had to find something for a reasonable amount of calories in a wing restaurant.  There was a part of me (the same part that caused me to get 20 pounds above my goal weight) that wanted to just throw caution to the wind and order what sounded good.  But I am determined to get back to a comfortable and healthy weight, so I ordered boneless, skinless wings and steamed broccoli.

Fridays have always been a challenge for me since I started my current job.  We work 9 hours (at least) Monday through Thursday, then the idea is to work 4 hours on Friday.  However, since I still get to the office at 6:30 and don't leave until it closes at noon, that's more than 4.  By that time I'm usually exhausted physically and emotionally (I work with some challenging people).  That's always been one of my worst days where I come home and indulge because "I deserve it."  But I had the lunch I had planned, and I've got dinner planned so I won't have any problems there either.  The rest of my family will be eating Qdoba while we watch a movie together tonight, and I will sit with them but enjoy a more sensible dinner.

I feel like I'm in the proper mental place for the next few months that it will take to return to my goal weight.  So that's good.  I've also started thinking about long-term maintenance.  Because I've been here before, where I worked so hard to take the weight off and kept it off for about 1 year, but then slowly started putting it back on until I got back to the place I'm at now.  Counting calories works really well for me when I'm losing weight.  I have a mathematical mind and it's almost like a budget, which I've always been very good at working within also.  But long-term it feels rigid and lacks spontaneity.

Right now my plan is to continue counting calories for about 1 month after I hit my goal weight.  Then to start using the principles in the Weigh Down diet.  The book about the diet is hyper religious, so isn't for everyone, but the principles behind it are very sound.  The author espouses eating regularly throughout the day, when you feel hungry.  Then, and this is the key, to stop eating when you feel satisfied, not full.  My brother's wife did this diet back when she was pretty heavy (before I knew her) and said she ended up eating pretty small portions about 6 times each day.  She's never gotten really heavy again, so I know it can work.  The other safeguard I'm planning on having in place is that I can't ever cross the 128 pound threshold.  If that happens, then I'll immediately go back into calorie counting until I get back down to 122 pounds.  My goal weight is 125 pounds, but I think having a range of 122 to 128 will make my mind feel like I have some flexibility.

Last night we got frozen rain, and then a light layer of snow on top of it.  Because of that, there were very clear animal tracks on the creek today.  When I was walking my son home from school, I got some pictures of the tracks.

This looks like a bird convention occurred here.

I believe these are raccoon tracks, but I could be wrong.  However, they look very different than the dog tracks I saw.

I think a squirrel stood here.

This hand print was put into the cement back in the early eighties.  It filled in nicely under the snow and ice today.

The creek dressed its winter finery.

After that walk I had to come home to a nice, hot cup of mint tea in my literary mug.

Return to Reality

After two wonderful weeks off with my family, I had to return to work this morning.  I didn't sleep at all well last night, so I'm a little punchy, but I made it through the first day back.  I could tell that it's been pretty cold for awhile now when I walked out my door this morning and it was 2 degrees (Fahrenheit) and I thought to myself, "meh, it's not that bad."  I read an article once that said being cold turns yellow fat into brown fat which is better for our bodies.  So I like to think that my walk from the bus stop to the office this morning had extra health benefits (though if I'm being honest, I feel pretty skeptical about that claim).

The view out my office window was pretty stunning, even if I wasn't able to capture it very well on my phone camera.

I got a new keyboard right before I went out on vacation, and I'm still struggling a bit to adjust to it.  I use keyboard shortcuts almost exclusively in Excel, and the Home, End, Page Up, and Page Down keys are all in different spots, so that's tripping me up at times.  But what's even worse is how the keyboard is laid out.  I use ergonomic split keyboards with no problem.  I use regular keyboards with no problem.  But this keyboard is like a hybrid, and I am having a difficult time knowing exactly how to place my hands.  (Told you, I'm punchy this evening!)

The sky was beautiful tonight when I had to run out to the store.  Once again I was stuck with the phone camera, so don't have a beautiful photo, just an interesting picture.

I also liked the way our icy street looked in the last of the daylight.  I had the real camera for this one.

I did manage to eat really well today.  It'll be one day at a time though, because anyone who's been reading for awhile knows that I've managed to have stretches previously where I ate well for several days.  So it's not the one day that I make a good choice, it's the sum of all the days of choices that matter when it comes to health and weight.

O Christmas Tree

I'm in my second weekend of getting up at 4:15 and I don't like it, but I think I might be sleeping a little better, so I guess I'll give it some time.  I do get to see beautiful sunrises getting up that early, and I'm home to get pictures of them.

I had been doing really well with my eating this week, then woke up Friday morning with the best of intentions, but ended the day having consumed far too many calories.  Saturday hasn't been any better.  So my weigh-in probably won't be as encouraging as I thought it would be earlier in the week.  The holiday eating season will be starting soon, so I may have to wait until after the first of the year to make real progress.

We got our Christmas tree today.  My son didn't even look with us because the nursery we buy the tree from has a puppy.  So he was otherwise occupied entertaining the dog.

Before

After

Crystal Snowman

It's not dark enough yet to get a dramatic and striking picture of the tree, but I won't be home tonight when it is dark enough since I have to go to my work holiday party.  I wish that others could understand that not all of us enjoy parties, especially when it's an obligation.  But I didn't go last year, and I figured it would be strongly frowned upon if I didn't go twice in a row.  So maybe another day this week I'll have a better picture of the tree in the dark.

One Day at a Time

Yesterday morning I got up and did a hard workout.  I've been working out every morning, but I had sort of been going through the motions rather than really focusing and making sure it was a real challenge.  I also entered all of my calories for the day and stayed within my goal.  This morning when I stood on the scale it was moving in the right direction for the first time in quite awhile (even though it is still WAY to high).

This morning I did it again, and while I haven't yet eaten dinner, I've managed to count my calories all day and I don't believe I'll go over my limit tonight either.  I do feel hungry in the afternoon time since I get up so dang early in the morning.  But a little hunger isn't going to kill me, especially not right now when I have so much in reserve.

I've got a long way to go again since I've been using food to deal with all of the stress and grief in my life this year.  I've had other times this year where I've been really good for a couple of days and then just revert back to my old habits.  So I have to remind myself that each day is its own event, and each day requires a commitment to making the right choices.  While I'm not so delusional to think that this will be easy to maintain long-term, I think I may finally be in the right mental place to make a better effort.  I'm looking forward to my weigh-in this coming weekend.  It's still going to be much higher than I want it to be, even if I do make good choices every single day this week.  But I might finally be on track to improve.

Choosing Not to Stress Eat

It was an insanely busy day at work today and had to deal with several urgent interruptions.  I am responsible for both the HR system and compensation at work.  I had blocked my calendar off to work on configuring and testing the benefits changes for open enrollment in the system, but kept getting interrupted because we need to make urgent staffing changes, which requires compensation information.  I don't mind having two areas of responsibility, they are both very interesting and I like changing things up because it keeps me from getting bored.  However, I find it incredibly stressful when the two areas have conflicting deadlines.  I have yet to figure out to navigate those times without my stress level hitting max.

I was sorely tempted to reach for the bag of SunChips that was sitting at my desk (they came with a lunch sandwich one time).  Not because I was particularly hungry, simply because I wanted to chew on the chips as a form of stress relief.  But my scale has been moving down again this week (yay!) and I talked myself through it.  It's only a temporary relief that would cause me more problems later, and negate all the hard work I've been putting in.  So instead I tried deep breathing to calm down, and had some success.  I assume I'd be even more successful if I practiced it on a regular basis, so maybe that should be another goal.

On another topic, today is my husband's birthday.  I realize this is pretty sappy, but that is one area of my life where I always know that I made the right choice.  My husband puts up with me in good times and bad (and lately there have been too many bad times).  He stands by my side in parenting and all of the other difficulties we have to navigate.  He's a good father and teacher, and a wonderful man.  I can hardly believe that we're both 40 and we've been married over 15 years now.  I'm ever so grateful and he deserves an amazing day celebrating him!

My husband's eyes are red in all the wedding pictures because he cried after the ceremony.  You'll notice that I did not; he's definitely the sentimental one in this relationship.
If you can believe it, my mom made that wedding dress.  I think it cost us around $50 in materials.

Control and the Comfort Zone

I've been reminding myself lately that it's alright to feel hungry.  Experiencing mild hunger from time to time is not harmful, especially when you have some reserves on your body.  When I ran track in high school I remember one of the coaches telling us we were just afraid to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone, and that we could actually run longer and faster than we thought we could; if only we were willing to allow ourselves to experience some discomfort.  Obviously this coach didn't mean push ourselves to injury, just that it's okay to not always feel comfortable.  I think it's the same thing with eating, I've become pretty used to feeling comfortable, so I have to remind myself that hunger between meals doesn't need to be fed, and it's not going to harm me if I just let it be.

When I lost 35 pounds several years ago, it was during an extremely stressful time at work.  I remember one of my co-workers and closest friends asking me why I was even bothering with losing weight when we were dealing with mergers and RIFs.  I told her it was one thing I could control, and it felt good to have control over something and to be making progress.  I'm playing mental games with myself here, but if they help me to achieve my goal of better health and a more comfortable weight, then I don't have any problems with messing with my own head.  Especially when my scale has stared moving down again.

Fall colors on a recent sunny day

Fallen leaves covered in yesterday's rain

Weekly Weigh-In # 7

I realize that I'm a day late on this post; life just got in the way of my motivation yesterday.  I did put a little weight on this week, but given that I was on a business trip in Chicago and it's less than 1 pound, I'm actually going to count this one as a win.  Well, maybe not a win, but definitely not a loss.

Week 7:  137.4

I was on a business trip with a co-worker and thought it would be exceptionally rude not to eat with her, so I made the decision to put some of my eating plans on hold.  However, I did still really try to pay attention to my portion sizes, and the type of food I ordered (when we weren't eating Chicago-style pizza anyway).

One of the most difficult things that I've found about making good food choices is dealing with social situations.  My husband's family are total foodies, and they like to eat out at nice restaurants to celebrate.  At every job I've ever held, meals and food are often the key type of celebrations for birthdays and project accomplishments.  Sometimes I just don't worry what anyone else will think and just put my foot down and won't participate, but other times I give in and eat like everyone else.

At any rate, I'm back home again this week and it should be easier to be in situations where I can make better food choices.  So hopefully next week will be moving back down again, even if I'm not being overly hard on myself this week.

Mind Games and Snacking

Today I noticed something interesting:  I tend to snack when I want to procrastinate something, usually because a task is boring, or because I don't think I know how to accomplish a task.  It's another mental game I play with myself.  For some reason I think a snack is a valid reason not to work, even though I generally work while I'm having the snack.  I realize this makes no sense, but I really do think it's what's going on in my head.

Today I was working on a heavy-duty analysis project at work which is something I really enjoy, and I felt absolutely no desire to snack at all in the afternoon.  It probably helped that my lunch had a good amount of fiber and protein so I didn't have any physical cravings.  But often it's the emotional cravings, not the physical cravings, that cause me to reach for a snack.  So I've identified yet another trigger that's causing me to eat too much and not lose weight.  I'm hoping that evaluating my food issues and being honest with myself (and my readers) really will help me to get back into the proper mind-set to actually start eating right and losing weight.

I'm off for a mother-daughter evening tonight.  Since my husband and son are spending time together in Glenwood Springs, we're going to see Maleficent tonight.  I'm not sure what to expect as it's gotten very mixed reviews, but I'm really looking forward to sitting next to my daughter in a movie theater.  I'll let you know what I thought of the movie tomorrow.

My girl

Also, I posted a picture of my whiskey barrel with flowers right after I planted them.  I said it was a little sparse but should fill in nicely.  Look at it now!

Today

Back on June 5th

So Tired, So Tired

I'm currently listening to Ozzy in my head singing, "I am so tired, so tired."  My husband's brother and his family are currently in town visiting, so we've been getting together every evening and staying up WAY past my bedtime, and I'm still having to get up at 4:15 every morning to work out before heading into the office.  This morning when the alarm went off I seriously considered resetting it for 30 or 45 minutes later and skipping the work out.  But I didn't.  I got up and did a new work out on the Skimble Workout Trainer App called Brazilian Booty.  I was even able to do the jumping squats and plyometric jumping jacks.  I did have to slightly modify the glute bridge leg circles though.  I just couldn't do it for 50 seconds twice, so I did as many leg circles as I could then just held the glute bridge.

I found in the past that's is so easy to make excuses not to work out, and often times the excuses really do seem legitimate.  But if I allow myself to make an excuse today, it's just easier to make one again tomorrow and the next day, and then I'm not working out at all.  I remember one time in the past when I wanted to start running again.  I had my gym bag with me and had marked my lunch hour off on my work calendar (this was back when I worked across the street from an open space and could work out at lunch).  The sky started getting darker and darker, and by lunch time it was raining.  I don't generally wear makeup, and I always just brush my hair out and let it air dry, so I decided that day that the rain didn't matter.  I was going for a run.  Because I knew that if I didn't just make myself start again, I never would.  It was the memory of that situation that decided me this morning: no skipping.

So I'm doing really well on the exercise front, but I'm doing pretty horribly on the food front.  With the family in town I've been eating some really bad foods, and far too much food in general.  This morning I stood on the scale and my weight is back above where it was when I started trying to lose weight again several months ago.  Exercise is a very important part of healthy choices, but exercise isn't what helps me to lose weight.  Eating the right foods in the appropriate amounts is how I lose weight.  I know this because that's what worked in the past.  I've been trying to remember how I got into the proper mindset to lose weight previously, and I just can't figure it out.  I do recall a conversation with one of my good friends back then who said she didn't understand how I could be controlling my calories so well when work was so stressful since we were going through a merger.  I told her that it felt like one thing that I could control in an otherwise uncontrollable and difficult time.  Maybe I need a large stressor again?!  I hope I figure it out again soon, because I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

Last night when we were headed home from my husband's grandparents house (far too late) I noticed the almost full moon peaking out from behind the clouds.  By the time I was able to take a picture, I couldn't see the moon at all, just the moonlight shining from behind the clouds.  This morning when I was doing my work out I noticed the moon getting ready to set, so it was that lovely orange color it takes on when it's close to the horizon, but I wasn't able to get the camera out in time to capture that photo.  It felt like the moon was playing peek-a-boo with me!

I also saw a very interesting flower today that reminded me of Dr. Seuss's lorax trees.

Good Day

Today was a good day.  I used my stress management strategies and successfully controlled my mood even during some very trying times.  I did longer intervals during my run this morning and it felt really good.  I don't think it will take long before I'm able to just run again.  I ate fairly well even though we unexpectedly had to eat dinner out.  I also got to hold a baby.

The picture is a little awkward because I was holding her with my left arm and taking the photo with my right hand.  She's 5 weeks old and just too adorable, plus it was really good to see her momma again too.  I do miss this age, but I know that I'm too old now to stay up all night, although since I don't sleep very well anyway maybe that wouldn't matter.  But I just can't imagine starting over now that my kids are older and so much more independent.  It's probably just best to get my baby fix this way now.

We've been under tornado warnings today.  At work the sirens actually went off and everyone was asked to move to the interior of the building.  But there was no damage at work or at home.  I love listening to the distant thunder and watching the lightening as long as know that everyone's safe.

Our stormy skies tonight, right before it started raining again.

Healthy Eating and Scone Recipe

I'm working at home today (unexpectedly) because my son was suspended for the day.  For rehashing a long-ago episode with a perceived slight to one of his friends.  He got a write-up for it the first time, and a one-day vacation from school for it this time.  He has a list of required items that he has to work through for the day, and some other options items.  The required items include homework and cleaning his room, in addition to a couple of other items.  The optional items include things like scrubbing the baseboards throughout the house.  Maybe I'll get some good deep cleaning out of this situation.  I also think it really hit home because his class is going on a field trip to the Colorado History Museum today.  He loves history and has to miss out.  So maybe this will make an impact on the behavior choices he makes in the future.

I do have to comment on how grateful I am for my wonderful sister-in-law.  When I texted her to tell her about the suspension she offered to drive the 42+ miles from her house to ours to spend the afternoon with my son if I needed to go into the office.  I hope my brother regularly recognizes how sweet and generous his wife really is.  When it comes to in-laws, I know I won the lottery there!

I was able to get a couple of pictures that I either wouldn't be here for during the day normally, or wouldn't have time to set the tripod up for on a regular day.

Full moon this morning

Dew on the grass shining in the early morning sun

I've also been managing to eat well, which is something that I've struggled with on my work-from-home days in the past.  At work there just isn't any other food available, so I the temptation isn't there in the same way.  When I'm home I can just walk into the kitchen at any moment.  So far today I've been able to use the appropriate self-talk every time an urge to head into the kitchen crops us.  I did give myself a leg-up this morning by making myself scones (again, since I didn't have to commute into the office).  I developed this recipe after a great deal of research about how to make scones as healthy as possible, using as little sugar as possible.  Obviously these still aren't health food, but when I'm really in the mood for scones they are a much better option than Starbucks or Panera.  Plus they have some extra fiber and protein so they stick with me better.

Darcy’s (Slightly) Healthier Scones

Ingredients

• Dry Ingredients
• ½ cups AP flour
• 1 ¼ cups instant oats
• 2 tbsp sugar
• ½ tsp salt
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• ½ cup nuts
• ½ cup dried fruit
• Fat
• 6 tbsp unsalted butter – butter must be cold
• Wet Ingredients
• 1 egg
• ½ cup milk

Directions

• Preheat oven to 425°
• Sift and mix dry ingredients well
• Cut in the fat
• Combine wet ingredients in a separate bowl
• Add wet ingredients – mix as little as possible
• Gently knead just until dough is cohesive
• On a floured surface, gently pat out/fold the dough until it is about ½ inch think
• Brush top with milk and sprinkle with a small amount of sugar
• Bake for 12 – 15 minutes on a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper or a silpat
• Place on a cooling rack

Tips

• You can add any variety of nuts and fruit and/or you can add chocolate chips.
• You can make a glaze with powdered sugar and a small amount liquid (milk, water, fruit juice) and/or flavors instead of brushing the top of the scones, but this decreases the health factor.  Or you can just leave the top as is which slightly increases the health factor.
• You can make the scones savory by adding cheese, herbs, or other items.  Do not brush or glaze the scones when making savory scones.
• The scones can be stored in a container at room temperature for about a week or frozen for several months.