Kinda Over It

I apologize for not posting again for so long. I am having a really hard time right now, and don't want to dump on the blog that's supposed to be about choosing how I react to things. My son has had some really good moments over the last few weeks, and he's had some really bad moments. I'm just...exhausted. I'm tired of never knowing what I'm going to have to deal with from moment to moment. I think most working mothers know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see the school's phone number on your caller ID. I still get that feeling, but I've also reached a point where I just expect to see it and I've become somewhat calloused. I expected parenting to be challenging, but I guess I never expected so much uncertainty. At least my daughter just always does what she needs to do, so I don't have to deal with these issues on two fronts.

I'm also seriously over the snow here. I saw a news article that stated the average last snow in Colorado is on April 26th, although it's been in early May for the past several years. I like snow, and I don't like really hot weather. But all the poor flowers are a mess right now. I wouldn't even care if it was overcast and rainy, the relentless spring snow is just adding to my mood problems right now.

I was so excited earlier this week when the lilacs were really starting to look pretty. These pictures are from last Wednesday (our last nice day).

These pictures are from this morning.

I think for awhile I kept hoping that we'd have some breakthrough with my son, and that things would start to steadily get better. But I no longer think that's how all of this is going to play out. I think with time and maturity he'll improve. But I think it's going to be very gradual and non-linear. I need to get my head around the new "normal" and stop thinking this is just an interlude in my life. On a positive note, this past Thursday was Bring Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. My son did wonderfully the entire day, especially considering how many meetings I ended up having that day. So now I wonder if everyone at work thinks I'm making all of this up!

Here are a few more recent photos you might enjoy. If I can ever figure out how to choose a healthier reaction to my son's issues I'll try to start posting more regularly again.

Our tree with the sunny sky.

Our tree as the storm was moving in.